A Strange Request

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A man wooing a love heart

SWL began a thread as A Strange Request. We thought you might enjoy reading a small selection of the replies, as it is very topical. It also helped to create this week's Acrostic Challenge!

A Strange Request

'A friend is trying to put together as many Valentine's Day poems as possible to put onto one of those huge cards. But there's a twist – they have to include cabbages and it would be good to mention an event that he's arranging on the day. Don't ask, I don't really understand either.

The best he has can come up with is':

My love is like a cabbage,

Divided into two.

The leaves I give to others,

The heart I keep for you.

My love is like a green, green cabbage

That's newly sprung in June.

There's a secret event on Valentine's Day,

You're going to find out soon.

Can you do better? – SWL

smiley - smooch

I love you like my Brussels sprouts,

You're bitter, yet delicious.

At times you taste like sauerkraut,

But you are not as vicious.

Your love is like a curly kale

And best to be enjoyed with ale.

So here's to you, red cabbage mine:

A great surprise at Valentine

Is waiting just for you.

The cabbage is the clue.

– B'Elana

smiley - smooch

Oh, effervescent cabbage leaf, oh iridescent poppy!

You turn the heads of half the town

But it's turned you proud and stroppy!

More precious than the purest gold, more prized than ale so hoppy,

So long as I put a few slug pellets down,

Thanks to you, nothing ever goes floppy!

– King Bomba

smiley - smooch

Roses are red

Cabbages are green

I love you so much

I will give you my spleen

– funky gibbon

smiley - smooch

My love for you is like a cabbage,

It's leafy and plant-y and green.

I don't know if plant-y's a word,

But I'm sure you know what I mean.

This poem stopped being funny,

Somewhere round 'bout line two.

So sorry for this cabbage poem,

I hate this but I love you.

– Psycorp Six-Oh-Three

smiley - smooch

A head of cabbage grows so big

In a bed at the foot of my garden

But I have another bed you know

(My forwardness you'll pardon)

Its head is lonely and its foot

Is waiting for some joy

So let's meet up and bring along

A jolly great Savoy

– Beatrice

smiley - smooch

Shall I compare thee to a cabbage heart?

Thou art more veined, laced with sulphur rare

Rough winds do shake the roof when I fart

And, like them, you hang upon the air...

– Mu Beta

smiley - smooch

A plan I have for you

And brassicas too.

What is the grand event?

What could be my intent?

You'll find out on the day.

Till then you'll have to pray

That the cabbage's heart

Is as loved as yours, tart.

– TRiG

smiley - smooch

My love for you is stronger,

Than a cabbages leaves are green,

quick on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I mean

Roses are red

Cabbages are green,

be my valentine and I'll give the cabbage a clean

– 2legs

smiley - smooch

My brassica beauty!

My collard-green cutie!

My sauerkraut sweetie!

My love!

May you grow green forever!

May your beauty wilt never!

May verdant and crisp be

Your heart!

And though I'm below you

I've something to show you

Take pity upon this

Poor worm!

As he bares all his feelings

'mongst the compost and peelings

That nurture the soil at

Your root!

I cannot say more now

(I'd not want to bore, now)

But very soon t'will be


– Malabarista

smiley - smooch

My dwelling in the winter.

My heart of inspiration shorn,

I feel like Harold Pinter.

Entfremdung isn't my forte,

But if you wait, I'll more say

Come Cabbage – er, Valentine's Day.

– dmitrigheorgheni

smiley - smooch

'My name is Brassica, cabbage of kings:

Look on my leaves, ye Mighty, and despair!'

Nothing beside remains: round the stalk

Of that colossal plant, boundless and bare,

The lone allotment soils stretch far away.

– Reddyfreddy

smiley - smooch

The time has come, my true love said,

To talk of many things.

Of Valentines and Great Events,

Of cabbages and kings.

But what the Great Event might be

He neither says, nor sings.

– Cheerful Dragon

smiley - smooch

To you my love I give my heart

Wrapped in cabbage leaves

Hold it closely next to yours

Let it feel you breathe

– minichessemouse

smiley - smooch

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day

Or immortalise inside a fresco?

No! To describe my love in cabbage play

I've chosen Romanesco.

Infinitely deep

and bulbous like cactus

I'm scattered and shattered.

In Latin: that's fractus.

And knowing this I do confess.

My heart is in a knot.

misplaced, misshapen and fractured.

Like a mandelbrot.

Verse of lyrics in fluffy florets

in gathering spirals around my head.

Just a cabbage patch kid

with rhyming tourettes.

Can he do it?

Have mercy I implore

What other rhymes

must he have in store?

But fear not; I close upon

this simple adage:

My love is like

a fractal cabbage.

– Clive the Flying Ostrich

smiley - smooch

My love for you is as big as a planet,

It's as big as a cabbage from the Isle of Thanet,

Deeply rooted from the very start.

As complex as the leafy whorls about its heart.

– Todaymueller

smiley - smooch

Sweet Andrew Marvell once said so.

That vegetable love should grow,

Vaster than empires. Please be mine,

Consent to be my Valentine,

Accept my loving and my praise,

While I'm still in my salad days,

(as Shakespeare wrote). The time is near,

When I'll surprise you, my own dear,

A moment when I'll prove my worth,

An Oxheart cabbage, down–to–earth,

Yet bold enough to claim my wish,

Because, my Darling, you're a dish.

– InfiniteImp

smiley - smooch

Valentine's Day is here at last

Have all our poems been sent?

Can we ask the outcome of

This mystery event?

What was lurking in the leaves

A maggot or some jewellery?

Tell us or we'll have to drive

You mad with this tom-foolery!

– Beatrice

smiley - cupidsmiley - cupidsmiley - cupid

Poetry by Various Contributors

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