h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

& cigars always at hand *passes both over*.

*Wowbagger is approached by several beautiful young lasses, who leave immediately as he presents them with an album of baby photos.*

Thanks Wowbagger! Nothing like celebrating a happy occasion like that!

*While Wowbagger is surrounded by several grannys (going all "oooh" and "awwww" over his baby photos) the young lasses join the chorus girl in surrounding the pirate. The ones nearest to him start looking somewhat less than pleased though*

What smell? What shower? Oh, you mean bathing? Well, why not? Let's see if we can find a jacuzzi big enough for all of us. I hope you do not mind that I left my bathing suit at home.

*Shouts over his back to Wowbagger and the others:* See you later, guys! Don't wait up!

*Decides not to risk a shower because of the effect of water on his collection of weapons. Instead , smiles at the barperson. This has the unintended effect of causing the barperson to run screaming from the building.*

Hmmmph! How am I supposed to get a drink around here?

*shazz re-emerges from small room, wrapped in a huge white fluffy towel and trailing a small line of drips behind her*

Who on Deimos are these drips?

*Makes a beeline for the bar, sees that the barperson is missing and decides it is a much better idea to serve ourselves*

What would you like Kes?
A Deimosian Brandy? A Seraphanian Martini (shaken AND stirred) or something from the extensive range of what could be losely termed beer?

shazz

*muffled shouting from a room at the far end of the building:*

Is there anybody out there? And could I bother you to bring me six bottles of ? - as well as six glasses?

Oh, and would you turn up the music?

*Puts down and searches for 6 bottles and glasses*

Pierce! You old seadog you! What ARE you doing to those girls?!

shazz

I know.

One of the local s sounds good. Thanks Shazz.

*Returns to the bar after risking the jacuzzi and Pierce *

I don't want to think about what I have just seen... lets get stuck into this instead!

*Pulls half a dozen and passes two to Kes

shazz

~turns the music up, so that all can enjoy the latest additions to his record collection~
Requests will be dealt with as soon as possible, especially the redheaded ones

*returns from the jacuzzi room, wrapped in what appears to be a toga (it's really his towel, of course)*

God I feel drained. Time to stock up on bodily fluids. Any around?

*decides to use his ministerial credit card to look for useless items to place in the Ministry and a new towel*

I need new clothes. These are wrecked. I saw a shop next door... I'll be right back...

*Comes back with a bundle under her arm and a disgusted expression on her face. Takes her turn in the shower. When she comes back in the bar she is wearing a dress!!!! *

If anyone says anything I'll cut off their nose and their ears. I swear I will. This is all they had. Dorky girl clothes.

Shazz, please, a or two.

*sits at the bar.*

*drinks quietly, eyes fixed firmly on a speck on the wall not covered in dust*

*Sips morosely, and tries to figure out where to keep her spare ammunition.*

Mari-rae! You look absolutely... er... absolutely... er...

Hey, Wowbagger! Doesn't mari-rae look absolutely... er, what was that word again? Come on! You Know! Tell us!

'cheesed off' is as close to the word you're thinking of as I can say out loud.

*Holds up her hand.*

Don't go there, Pierce. Just stop.

*Studies the tiny flower sprigs decorating the dress...and the little mother-of-pearl buttons.* Ugh, this is worse than I thought.

*Balders enters, with his arms full of useless knick-knacks, which he drops upon looking at mari-rae*

.....................................................................

Oh dear Mari-Rae!

This will not do... WILL NOT DO AT ALL!!!

Let's hope that Gwennie gets back soon with the leather gear we all know and love!

*Pours a round of 's and re-adjusts the fall of her white fluffy towel*

shazz