h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*wonders why there are 'beware of the sharks' signs dotted along the beach...given that the crocodiles have eaten them all anyway*

There's no accounting for beaurocracy....

We're probably OK until genetic engineering comes up with a sharkadile

It doesn't bear thinking about!

*Gwennie is getting heavily into party mode and thoroughly enjoying herself, surrounded by her group of nice young Demosian mermen when the sounds of coughing and spluttering, followed by Shazz and Mari emerge from the water*

Hello ladies! Welcome aboard! Look what I've found...

*Introduces Shazz and Mari to her new friends and passes a bottle of something resembling vodka to the new arrivals*

I was going to return to let you know where I was, but the time just slipped by...

Loved the MP LoB quote Mari-rae

Yeah right Gwennie! hehe... time goes so quickly when you're having fun eh?

I must say these Demosian mermen you've found sure are a lot better than the usual specimens!

*Tries suspicious-looking drink*

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

shazz

Guys, the girls have been gone for hours now. Should we start to worry - and maybe even go look for them?

Why don't we take the time to think it over? And while we are doing that I suggest we take another round of and - just as a(nother) precaution?

I was wondering why it was so peaceful...

Yes, i think definately more and perhaps even another bbq might be in order?

An for me, I think ...... but not barbecued, raw!

*Sits close to a merman with a shaved head, feeling very attracted to him.*

Hi there... What are you called? I like your earring and the tatoo job on your head. What is that? A shell? Have a drink? My, your arms are well muscled, aren't they? You must work out.

*bats eyes at merman...*

thanks Shazz!

So should we try and catch some fish for dinner?

The Guide has a great recipe for skewered merman. All we need is some attractive women as bait...hmmm, we could have a problem here

*Gwennie becomes suspicions regarding the sexuality of the friendly and gorgeous Demosian mermen when they start to compare grooming regime notes with her, Mari and Shazz who she casually pulls to one side*

Excuse me chaps...

*Somewhat drunkenly whispers to her friends*

Do you don't suppose they're...y'know??? If they are, it could be a trap or a ploy to split the BFGs up prior to an attack.

Pops back to kick Linus in the shins regarding his previous comment about there being a lack of attractive women!

*Listens attentively to Gwennie's whispered comments and starts to eye the mermen up and down suspiciously*

I'm not too sure Gwennie! Mari-rae has certainly made an impression on the Adonis with the tattoos... and the one with biggish ears seems to be keen on stroking my... snorkel!

We could have a problem here if we try to leave now... I have a feeling all the rubber we're wearing is getting them worked up somehow!

Perhaps if we remove the snorkels and flippers they may calm down a little?

shazz My keen hearing can pick up every snide comment made from the shore!

*reads from guide*

"The planet Demios is a pleasurable enough place, if you get past all the fighting and shooting that the locals love to take part in. While the beaches are particularly pleasant, on no accounts should you ever talk to the local mermen as they are quite carnivorous and would think nothing of slyly buttering you up with compliments before swallowing you down with a seafood garnish and a sprig of sea-parsley."

Umm... ladies? Snide comments aside I think you'd better get yourselves up here quick!

*Draws Shazz's attention to Wowbaggers snorkelled transmission*

I think we'd better make our excuses and make a not too suspicious exit.

*However, Shazz and Gwennie have a great deal of trouble in extracting a now thoroughly inebriated Mari from the clutches of her tattooed Adonis, who seems to be nibbling her neck, ears and shoulders*

I don't suppose you've got a weapon hidden in your cossie, Shazz?

*Kes checks out the salvaged weapons, and quietly starts loading them ... Should be enough to go around ....*

Hey! Oooooo! Ouch!!!

*Merman bites a little too hard and she gives him a playful punch. He picks himself up off the floor and looks angry.*

Shazz, Gwennie? I think I made it mad.

*Swims out to the APC, dives through the hatch. from the depths of the water the sound of an engine trying to start can be heard*

*races off to the beach, collecting the now dried out weapons ready for the APC's reemergence from the murky depths.*

Looks like we're heading out fellahs! Last drinks (for a little while anyway )

*Stays on the beach, and checks for anything approaching from the landward side ....*