h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Phillipa]

Hey! My hat!! Pheroneous, may I have my blue goo beret back?

Calm down, young Philippa, calm down!! There's your beret, on your head, and a lovely goo colour it is too, quite goes with your sparkling eyes.

**sidles up to her, and opens his pocket**

(whispers) See! I have a black beret, from the Zaphodistras. I keep it here, just in case I am suddenly called to the front line. Now do you understand the posters?

(Loudly) Fret not Frilippa, we are among frwends. (**adjusts dentures discreetly**)

*Touches her hat. !*

Pheroneous, if there is no water to drink here, then what do you have to offer in the way of liquid refreshment? Juice?

~hopeful, as she is really parched~

Take my arm, young lady (No, not that one, its real! The left one) Let me escort you to the portabarkabin. Lets see if we can trip the lino fatastic, if jwf would be so kind as to turn his car radio up.

*the terrace erupts in a glowing pink light, the burbling of champers and a swell of tune-fullness as the couple twirls and spins*

{Philippa}

*Finds herself dancing with Pheroneous!*

*with a contented grandmotherly grin*

Aw, Philippa has finally found herself...

[Philippa]

! (contented grandmotherly grin??? don't mix me up with my Auntie...)

*Pheroneous attempts a suave dip...*

! Whoop!

*adjust perspective and syntax slightly*

No. Me smile like granny. You dipping suavely and finding self..

*Smiles like self, dips suavely, finds piece of small change onTerrace ... and pockets it.*

**Lost in seventh heaven and the arms of Philippa**

(Panting very heavily) O, dearest Philippa, let me give you all my worldly wealth..

**Goes to retrieve magic coin that will, with the aid of Philippa's aged aunt, turn into a treasure chest of (mostly glass) jewellry**

No, no...I am undone, and condemned to a life of lonely poverty!

*Taps Pheroneous on the shoulder*
Excuse me .... I couldn't help overhearing ... is this coin yours?
*Holds up coin, winks, then flips it high into the air*
Heads?
*Wonders whether Pheroneous will employ his hands to retrieve the coin, or leave them where they are*

Aargh! Decisions, decisions. What to do?

**With a deftness belying his years and infirmities, and using his good hand, P removes the charming Philippa's goo beret, catches the descending coin in it, secrets the coin in his jacket cuff, and replaces the beret, without disturbing a hair of her head.**

Philippa, dear Philippa, if you are done with me, I need to have a quiet chat with your aunt. I have a secret.

**winks at Kes**

And you, my friend, deserve a very great reward...

*Winks*
No reward needed. It wasn't mine to keep. Your good fortune will be mine too - what goes around .... and all that.
*Smiles; sits on edge of terrace*

[Philippa]

Certainly, Pheroneous. Auntie mari-rae loves secrets! Thanks for the dance.

*Locates a small bottle of water behind the Portabarkin and drinks it thirstily.* Ahhh!

(There is an !!!!EXPLOSION!!!!. The Portabarkabin disappears!

and minutes later a closing bracket falls back to earth, onto the end of this post....)

*Rushes outside, hand over beer to keep the dust out and trouser cuffs flapping* Waah *he says eloquently* a giant parenthesis in place of the Portabarkabin!

*whispers
I say chaps, where was the still when you last saw it?

The still?! What worries me is the lack of Pheroneous. I last saw him coming this way and it is only rarely like him to leave the bar for this long. *Light goes on behind Munchkin's eyes* Don't mind me, I'm just nipping inside for a swift half to get some of this dust out of my mouth.