h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I was hoping to just slip the note under the committee room door. With a bit of luck there won't be a meeting, so nobody will need to attend.

*Does the deed*

What was that about putting paint on the walls? Didn't quite catch it ...

Oh ,right Kes ! You've done it then ? Posted the letter ? *Pinky collapses onto the nearest chair * Walls ? Paint ?Putting ? Ermmmmm,don't you worry Kes !!! Have a drink,relax ! *Pinky THINKS..IF she can get Kes quite drunk,the walls will be painted BEFORE the letter is even opened by the sub-committee* Drink up ! Have another Kes ! And another ...

YEY,a party ! Drink up everyone ...the next rounds on me !

*quickly drinks his beer, his second beer and his third beer, and then the reserve beer* someone say they were buying a round?

Who? Must be their round. I'll have a

You will not Kes,you'll have this bottle of vodka (it tastes ok with fresh orange juice Kes,honestly, you can do this !!)THEN,you can have your beers !!!! *Pinky is determined to get Kes a little drunk ,just enough so he doesn't realise he's holding a paintbrush.She's wondering if 2legs is any good with a brush ?*....Drink up 2legs,your invited to the party too you know ? My round !

oooo! now. vodka. your talking my language.
Try my university cocktail.
two parts vodka.
two parts bacaadi.
two parts bailys.
fill the rest of the pint glas to the top with guinness.

WOW,that's one powerful concoction you've dreamed up there 2legs !! Kes,you've GOT to try a couple of these !! You mix 2legs,I'll pour ! *Pinky KNOWS she's going to have this place re-decorated quicker than she thought* Now which one of you can drink the fastest I wonder ? There's another drink waiting for the winner !

GLUG! .
Can I have a go with the roller? Can I?

Of course you can Kes ! I'll hold the ladder for you,2legs is mixing the paint (he's quite good at mixing things ,I've noticed) Hold on tight now,I'll pass you the roller ....*Pinky is so elated, her cunning plan looks like it's working already* STEADY KES,your gonna fall if you climb up that ladder so quickly !!

Right you are. Steady does it.
*Pauses half way up.*
Hang on a mo'.
*Descends. Dips roller into paint tray.*
Hmm. Interesting colour - an intimate mix of nearly white with something brownish. What would you call that? Ecru?.
*Looks at ladder. Pauses. Screws long and somewhat flexible pole into end of roller.*
There! We'll need the ladder to do the edges and corners neatly, but this will let me do the middle of the ceiling really quickly!.
*Moves to one end of the Snug.
Applies roller to ceiling.
Walks across floor.
Smiles.*
Piece of cake! We'll be finished in no time at all.
*Breaks into trot.
Maintains reasonably straight line, except for where he had to by-pass the SnugHound.
Reaches other end of Snug.
Lowers roller slightly from ceiling.*
Marvellous! Just look at that!
*The roller, free of the ceiling, but still imbued with the momentum of the run, continues to rotate rapidly, dispensing countless small droplets of paint in all directions.*
What? Pardon?

Oh,it's a definite ecru shade Kes,trust me !!! Not my ideal colour ,well not one I'd choose to wear often,but I could get used to it I suppose *Pinky takes a look in the mottled mirror behind the bar ,and decides ecru suits her quite well actually* IS that mirror mottled Kes,or is it my eyes ? *Pinky ducks very quickly as Kes turns around ,at speed,mottling her even more* You could do with a rest Kes,(not to mention the roller which now appears even balder than it was before Kes began ) Have a drink ! Chill out,take the weight of your feet.....PLEASE !!!*Pinky looks up at the zig zag line across the ceiling,then at Snughound* Walkies Snuggy,come on....Mmmmmmmm,a colour co-ordinated dog,this could catch on !

Yes, yes, I believe you're right. I've got spots in front of my eyes - everywhere I look. I definitely need a drink!
*Leans the roller against a wall and heads for the bar*
I'll finish the ceiling in a few minutes - don't you worry!

*Pinky IS worried,but tries to act her usual calm,cool and collected self* I'm not worried Kes,the dappled look is quite,ermmmmmm,encouraging ! Worried ? Me ? Come on Snughound,walkies...See Kes?I'm even going for a long walk with Snughound ,I have every confidence in your decorating capabilities .....*Pinky takes Snughound directly to the DIY shop ,to enquire about decoraters,she is even willing to pay for the expense ,personally *

*Helps self to a couple of large .
Observes that the pre-ocular spots have not dispersed.
Pours another .
Notices that there is a SnugHound-shaped area of the carpet that is devoid of spots.
Ponders on the mystery of life, without reaching a constructive conclusion.
Talks to self from time to time.*

Should I paint a bit more?
Better ask Pinky.
Where'd she go?
What time is it?
Oh my! I've got spots on the back of my hand!
Isn't that the first sign of something?

*Pinky,and a rather fatigued Snughound return to the Snug,quietly* Lie down in your spot Snuggy,good boy ! ......*Pinky looks around,sees Kes,sleeping like a baby.She immediately begins to decorate the bar herself.Not a splash of paint anywhere,OK the odd spot on Kes,he'll never know,she thinks to herself.This roller is wonderful....should have this done in 20 mins* Snughound rolls over ,and falls asleep ......

*Senses the occasional droplet*
Mmmm. S'raining. Call the players into the pavillion. Drinks interval.
*Turns in the armchair and slumbers on*

*Pinky freezes on the stepladder,momentarily.She breathes easily again as Kes drifts back into a sweet,but restless slumber,and she continues with the decorating* Bless,he's playing cricket !

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
OWZAT?
Mmmm
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ