h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Yes, the service in here is terrible atm. Last week I tried to order a gin, but it was sloe.

*chokes on crisps*

And Pinky falls off her bar stool ....

That's the spirit!

*A postcard falls through the letterbox. On the picture side is a scene of industrial decline with the motto '"Sunny" Glasgow'. On the reverse are the following words;
Hello all,
Much apologies for still being away, I hope the RIB continues to be upright and fully stiffened at his post. I hope to return to your polite and refined company soon. In the meantime I am constructing a fifteen hundred page letter to my MP and developing the most embarrasing sunburn/rustmarks.

Yours in alcoholic straits,
Munchkin, ex of this parish.

*A draught wafts the postcard closer to the bar. The Snughound chews idly on the missive as the drinkers strive to read it.*

Pinky picks herself up,dusts herself off,and sits back on her bar stool !

*The Snughound deems the postcard inedible and expectorates*

*picks up the mangled card and tries to read it*

It says here he's opening a refinery company soon. We'll all be rich!

*Peers over Lil's shoulder*

You're sure that's not "distillery"?

We're going to be rich ? When ?

*squints* In fifteen hundred pages. He must mean LEDs. We'll be rich after, um, another 30,000 posts.

Right ! I see Lil ! Looks like that should keep me out of mischief then.30,000 posts ! Is that all ?

*a little old lady comes floating in through the door*

Blimey, is this place still open? I thought the National Health Committee had shut you down long ago.

Come to think of it, they probably would have informed The BOF Committee, in which case I would have heard of it. No idea how I ever got involved with the committee, but there you go...

*marches up to the bar counter*

I'll have a G&T, young man!

*squints at the barkeep*

*marches around the bar counter*

*pokes the inflatable barkeep*

Hmph! Munchkin eloped again, did he? We really ought to keep that young man chained to the bar counter, you know...

*looks around, sees that nothing much has changed*

*getting nostalgical*

You know what - next round's on me!

*squints at Pinky*

And who might this young lady be?

Titania, this is Pinky. Pinky, this is Titania, Elf Queen.
*aside to Titania* If you want to make this entity happy, spill something. She loves to clean.

Spill something? *looks at her * Eh, maybe later...

Very nice to meet you Titania ! I TRY to keep the place,clean,tidy and do my very best to introduce the odd bit of soft furnishings around the place.You can imagine the hard job I have can't you ? But I try ! Drinks all round,on me !

*Revives*

Huh? What? Somebody mention a round? Mine's a . Thank you ... who?

*The RIB creakily, and squeakily, pours a round*