h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

The gents gets well ventilated every curry night ... I don't know what you're worried about ... but mine's a pint. You did say you were buying?

We seem to have some crossed wires here, which probably explains the state of the gents lighting at least, Its not me who ... Oh I give up.

Er ..... any chance of a packet of badger & blackcurrant crisps?

Nah, unfortunately the blackcurrants escaped from the factory, killing three security guards in the process and hijacking a bus full of Mormons. By the time the police could catch them most of the blackcurrants were married and claiming religious rights. We do have Warthog and Rosehip jelly though.

No squirrel and raspberry left? I just fancied a packet of squirrel and raspberry.

Well ... *Digs under bar, extracts bag, blows dust off, coughs loudly* Here you go, I don't think they are too far out of date.

*Reaches across and tried one. Chokes quietly*

*Belatedly passes *

Ah! Thank you, Tefkat. I think I'll stick to pickled eggs from now on. You know, I always wondered what it was in Lil's recipe for pickled eggs that made them so adhesive ...

*little old lady entering cautiously*

*looks around, squinting in the semi-darkness*

*finally spots the noticeboard, approaches it and puts up A1144315*

*looks around at the regulars*

Now, my dears - I do hope that you remember that the BOF Inn is part of the Village de la Vavoom?

Phew - all this running around distributing letters is really starting to make my poor feet feel quite sore... any chance of a G&T?

Huh! Whaaaaaa?!?!! Whazz goin' on?

*yawn* Oh well, as I'm awake... *wanders behind the bar and steals a pint and a packet of hedgehog and squirrel

*A large and knobbly piece of wood bars young Zan's exit until the correct renumeration is forthcoming*
And a for you m'dear. Now then, what is this notice of the mythical "Place Outside the Snug" which disturbs our sacred dust?
*Peers myopically at the board*

[little old lady]: Thank you, young man...

*downs the in one go, most unladylike*

I'll have another one, if you please...

I'll have a while you're in the chair, Landlord! (Spoken with hopeful conviction).

I might enter the Preserves competition this year, if I can get the the Council to lift the environmental ban on my senna and baked bean chutney ...

*brushing the cobwebs off the butter*

I don't know, it sounds awfully much like levity to me.

Dash it! I thought you'd gorn of on holliers again old man. *hands over corect renumeration for the long gone pint and I'll have another while I'm here...

There may indeed be levity, but I seem to remember the bar I ran was terribly profitable. Now do I have the time this year, what with all the hectic goings on here? Hmmmmmm.

Can the inflatable be trusted?