h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Stares intently at a handful of items from the darkest pocket ...*

Let me see ... three and nine, you said .... three and nine is twelve, and twelve pence make one shilling, which is now equivalent to five pence in some parts of the country .... and I just happen to have ... two zlotys and a George VI ha'penny stamp ...which should more than cover it ... on condition that I get to see the cat before I eat (or pay for) the lunch ....

You do well to be cautious, Kes. The Snughound doesn't get up anymore since Munchkin served roast beef. The potatoes were all right, but I still wonder about that roast.

Although it did manage to shift particularly quickly that time that someone suggested we have a quick snack of hot dogs.

Any chance of an Mr Munchie? thirsty work this sitting down in front of a puter

I will thank you not to impune (or however you spell that) our good lady chefs creations. They are all made from the finest ingredients and cooked to AA standards. I was very impressed when we managed to blag that roadworthyness star from the AA.

**Uncrosses and recrosses legs resting on snughound. Snughound swishes tail disturbing a fly. The fly flies aimlessly around before settling on Pheroneous's ear. P swats at fly without too much thought, but Mari-Rae, pleasant as ever takes it as a sign to whisper a secret to Pheroneous, and does so. This startles P, who sits up almost straight, thus again disturbing the fly who takes another buzz around the room, attracting, as he does so, the attention of a particularly plump female fly who decides to join him. Lumberingly, she takes off from the beermat in front of Munchkin, revealing, discreetly, and for his eyes only, the letter 'g', written thereon.**

*serves up a portion of frog-in-the-ditch, and adds a kaiser roll and two little plastic packets labelled 'whipped spread'*

There you go. That'll be three and nine.

Thank you. It does indeed look ........... authentic. I have already handed over all my hard currency to Munchkin in payment .....

*Tugs at one of the ribs, succeeding in disengaging it from the gravy/mash. Looks around at the be-spotted regulars.*

Sorry!

*Jingles coinage in a cheery manner and looks around for somewhere to place his newly re-discovered g*
Gottle of Geer anyone?

Well, if your offering......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Eh? .....wha...what.. time is it? aah this floor is ferkin hard, godammitt...

*Chomps on the beef rib, dipping it occasionally into the gumbo gravy to soften the fibres. Tries to ignore accusing looks from a clowder of cats gathered on the windowsill.*

Rather nice ... with an unusual flavour .... Any chance of a quick re-heat in the old microwave? ... The gravy's gone a bit hard ....

*knocks on the surface of the rest of the casserole with the end of the serving spoon, eliciting a sharp hollow sound*

I do believe it's cured. Now how could that happen? The bag that I got the instant mash from said Best Portland.

Oh good, I've been thinking of a new rockery. That would make a lovely centrepiece.

*is wondering how she is going to wash the dishes*

Maris Piper is better for mash than Pentland ...... You did say Pentland????

*An attempt to extract a second rib from the bowl fails.*

Any chance of swapping this for something else? What's the Soup du Jour?

*Winks secretively at Pheroneous.*

*Smiles pleasantly at everyone else. *

*Unpacks a couple of pbj's from her purse and begins to eat.*

May I have a nice large , Munchkin? You can make it with the G, since you seem to have it. Thanks!

There is soup as well? So, errr, you weren't boiling underpants then? Ummm, I'll be back in a mo'
*Scurries off into the kitchen area*

**Blushing, as he misinterprets wink"

**regains composure**

Ah, Lil, so glad you mentioned cement, although I think, technically speaking, it would have read 'Ordinary' Portland. It is, as I am sure you are aware, simply a generic term covering a wide range of materials, intending to distinguish them from other 'types' of cement. Much as you might distinguish mashed potatoes from roast pototoes. Portland cements are so-named because they resembled in colour the eponymous stone from Dorset that was in great demand for the better class of building in the early 19th Century when the first artificial cements were produced, but then perhaps you have read the entry I wrote on the subject, so perhaps you will allow me to expand further... on the....related...subject...of.... very odd! No-one seems to be listening!!!

Very disappointing, and not a little sad.

Never mind, did I hear you say it is underpant boiling day? I'll just take mine off then. (Stands rather unsteadily, un-knots the tie that serves as a belt, and fumbling, starts to unbutton his fly!)

*Rushes through carrying a large basket full of sopping laundry*
Just off to stick these on the line. Oh, P. you'll need these. *Hands over a large wooden set of tongs and heads out*