h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

i may be a mouse, but im tougher than i look. Ask GB,

mini

It's called 'wishful thinking'.

*shouts from Judge's Drawing Room*

I'm preparing special massage oils, but I can hear you!

Ms GB

So far, so good

I hadn't written any poetry for years and having decided to bite the bullet, I'm amazed how much I enjoyed it. This challenge is aptly named, as far as I'm concerned anyway I intend to use it to stretch myself and to explore my writing potential. If I fall flat on my face I don't think I mind (although I may revise that when it happens).

As I said somewhere else, this is about artistic endeavour, for which judging is personal, subjective and can't determine what we are doing in terms of good or bad, right or wrong. All the judges (and others reading our offerings) can do is to decide whether it works for them; whether they like or dislike what we've written.

So, as Skanks says, we're all winners already, because (presumably) we've submitted something that we, as authors, like and take pride in. If others like it as well... fantastic

With that in mind, good luck everybody Enjoy the Stretch...

Now, Ms GB: is that massage oil for contestants too?

You're quite right, Frenchbean, and it's interesting to see why different people applied. It's uplifting to see what people believe they'll get out of it, in fact. I won't name the Researcher who gave his/her reason on his/her application by, in a nutshell, saying 'BECAUSE I WANT TO WIN!!!!!'

When assembling my panel of judges, I tried to find people who would take different viewpoints. Of course judging is subjective, but it becomes more objective if you're looking from different angles. When the scores come in from the three of us, perhaps we'll see if we're really as different as we think

And yes, good luck everyone. You're going to need it

*sticks head round door*

<>



Well, it's taken me all night to get exactly the right blend, and it has a distinct odour de poissonso unless you want to smell like a well-polished seal, then, in a nutshell, no, the massage oil is NOT for contestants too. Rich, are pets allowed in the Judges' Drawing Room? There are several and in thereSomeone warn mini NOT to venture in there!

Trout Montague could not resist:

"Nothing could be finer
Than the smell of your va...

"You can cut that out right," snorted Mr Pinniped in his best Big Brother overtones, simultaneously whumping a fin down into the shag carpet which was already sticky with fluids from various sources, "or you'll be ejaculated before you've even started".

Trout Montague muttered something about Mr Pinniped knowing all about ejaculating before he'd even started and wished he had a ball he could toss at him.

's and 's Eeeekkk! away from judges room!!

mini

"I won't name the Researcher who gave his/her reason on his/her application by, in a nutshell, saying 'BECAUSE I WANT TO WIN!!!!!'"

Excuse me. I think you'll find that it wasn't in capitals and that I did mention it was tongue in cheek!

Unless someone out there's more egotistical than me?

Oh there could be!

I'm looking forward to a poetry challenge, but less enthusiastic about straight fiction

Just watch it, fish-boy. I so don't do beach-balls. Because I am not some bl**d*ng otarine. And I don't have fins and if I did I certainly wouldn't go round whumping them. Those are flukes, OK? And these are flippers. Sheesh. Teleosts, who needs 'em?

Anyhow, can't you get a proper drink round here? I've got to get rid of the taste of baby-oil somehow.

I'm looking forward to whatever they throw at us to be honest. I liked this challenge because it's a good way to ease yourself into the contest, doesn't take you too far out of your comfort zone.

Oooh, a judge! Here, let me pour you an extra-strong extra-large

Trout Montague wandered over to the stainless-steel sink and hawked up a gallon and a half of smiley beer into the drain where it belonged. Then he tried not to retch again as he eyed the Beatrix buttering up Mr Pinniped. Certainly, if any buttering was to be done, it would be to make a seal-fin sandwich.

Sandwiches? When there's pie?

http://www.freeinfosociety.com/ae/recipeview.php?id=28

Yeah, well I like a nice lammergeier curry myself

Trout Montague snotted all over the contestants' couch when he read the recipe that the seagull had provided.

"Trim off excess fat!?" he exclaimed. "Have you seen him? There'd be nothing left!"

LLWaz bristled, her feathers ruffled. "I'm an endangered vulture, not a seagull thank you very much."

"A bird is a bird is a bird" thought the Trout, buttoning his lip, "and a scavenger to boot".

oh stop being petty.

this contest is just a bit of fun. well that is how i am appproaching it anyway, something to improve my writing with, if i go out in the first round, no big deal. if i get further great, but all we can do right now is wait for the judges to pass judgement.

mini

Not sure about Trout being petty.
I'd have said he's a fairly serious abomination.