h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This is the Reception Desk, where all your questions about the Office Vortex in general are answered. You may ask about how the Vortex works, may ask about the Space Station Big C, and may find out as much as you want about the various offices around here.

[Penguin]
I'm a little teapot
Short and stout
Here's my handle
Here's my spout...

No, that doesn't work very well, hang on a second...

* Penguin changes himself into a teapot *

[Teapot]
There, that's much more like a teapot, wouldn't you agree?

*The Professor comes out of his office and heads for the water cooler down the hallway. Then he notices the teapot.*

Ah, there seems to be a... teapot penguin thing at the reception desk. I wonder what it could be doing.

[Teapot]
I'm attempting to get some attention.

* the teapot changes back into a penguin *

[Penguin]
Have I got it yet, or would you like me to sing some more?

I think I can safely say that you've got it.
Now, how can I be of assistance?

[Penguin]
Well... we kind of need some help at the Ministry of Magecraft. MaW tells me you're very good with technology, and it's technology we're having a problem with. Unfortunately I don't think either of us have reached the point with magic or technology where we can meet in the middle, so we need to work from the other end to sort the problem out. So... could you possibly lend a hand?

Sounds interesting.
Certainly I'll be able to help. I have a few... projects on at the moment, but I'm sure I can lend a hand.

[Penguin]
Excellent. Can you come to the Ministry? The problem is probably best explained by showing it to you.

Very well then. I'll teleport right over there. You use whatever magical mode of transportation (or instantaneous being-there-ness) you may possess.

*Teleports. *

Yeah, I know it's the wrong smiley to use, but doesn't work for actual teleportation effects.

* the penguin drops through a small hole in reality, arriving at the Ministry at a time just before the Professor does in order to make sure he gets there without any problems *

[Penguin]
Excellent. If you would follow me, please?

* the penguin leads the way down a couple of corridors to a balcony which looks over some of the Ministry's extensive lawns to the lake, which is tranquil beneath the lurid pink sky which is almost imperceptibly moving towards being chocolate brown. On the lawns is a large, black sphere constructed of some kind of metal, still steaming slightly from its obvious fast descent and impact, for it rests in a smallish crater. The penguin points at it *

That's the problem. Firstly, we have no idea how it got here because as you're well aware having managed to teleport here, we're not contiguous with any other region of space, so it can't have just drifted into our gravity field and got pulled in. Secondly, we can't work out what it is or where it came from or what it's for. Thirdly, what we have been able to figure out suggests that it's going to explode, and a couple of investigatory spells suggest that the potential is there for a fairly large explosion, although we don't know enough about technology to make a guess as to how large. Penguins have been estimating anything from a stick of dynamite to a couple of largeish supernovae, but since most of us don't know how to boil an electric kettle we're a little stuck. MaW says it's beyond his knowledge as well, so he suggested we should ask you to help, especially since we have no idea when it might be going to explode, why it might be wanting to do that or how to stop it.

* the penguin looks at the sphere for a few more moments with a troubled expression on his face *

The other problem is that we can't just get rid of it, because there's something inside it that's stopping magic from affecting it. We can use magic to look at it, but actually changing anything is for some reason totally impossible. We'd especially like to know how that was managed. Do you have any ideas?