h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Speaking of de forrest...there seems to be a wee little fire in mari-rae's knitting! ...*wonders if it'll sell like hot cakes...*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~...*pours the rest of the bottle of cheap Russian vodka on the knitting to put out the lil' fire...*
WWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOHHHHHAAAAASSSSH
Who knew?! ...*jumps on the fire forgetting she's not wearing shoes...*
<--- Ewe stinky!...*passes around nose clips for everyone...the fire slowly climbs the woolen string that's attached to the thingie that looks like it was gonna' be another sweater for Kes...*OHM-RAE!!! If I were ewe, which I ain't, I'd rock on outta' your seat before...Oooopsie...too late!
~~~~~~~~...*knocks mari-rae off her rocker...beats at the flames with her hands and the whomping stick that Thog left behind......still pyaying for a punless month...one thread soon.... Uh-oh!~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~HAAAAALPTHE PUB'S BURNIN'!!

*Considers pouring his onto the flames ..... thinking about it ......... thinking ....... thinking .......*

Look, 'I' know you don't want another sweater...but there's only one mari-rae...there's lots of ale!...*knocks Kes'
with Thog's Mod Whompin' Stick...the flips around in the air and lands uy[pside down in Kes' lap...* Looks like you had a wee acident.
...*mari-rae tries to crawl away from the growing flames...everyone sits watching and wondering how many more drinks they can knock back before they must actually deal with the fire...*

*stumbles into the pub, suffering the after-effects of a very eccentric night out. Staggers to the bar and helps self to *

Last night I was persuaded to join the Sunderland University National Hat Society (or N.H.S.).

OH BOY!

The concept of the society is basically that everyone wears a silly hat and drinks far too much.

so, I arrived at the Student Union's Wearmouth bar, resplendent in my England-football-dinosaur-hat. I was then furnished with a bottle of newcastle Brown Ale, and informed that the night's planned activity (a three-legged pub crawl) had been cancelled, as there weren't enough girls to tie the boys to (the idea was mixed doubles), so we then played pub golf instead.

Whaddaya mean you never heard of pub golf? allow me to explain:

we were playing foursomes. Basically you acquire a pub golf partner. Then each pub is a hole. Each pair is paired with another pair who will keep their score for them. One of each pair purchases a pint. The other purchases a shot or a half-pint. The aim is to drink your drink n the least number of sips (so downing it is a hole-in-one). You then go to another pub ands repeat until you get far too drunk.

At the end of the evening we ended up in the Manor Quay, the union nightclub, dancing to all kinds of cheesy eighties shite. Bizarrely, when I jumped on my friend Alex's back in the middle of "the one and only" by Chesney hawkes, a bouncer pulled me off by my belt, causing me to fall to the floor (i'll sue!).

Oh, I missed a bit out- the buffallo club. en route to the manor quay, the party of inebriated hat-wearers stop on the wearmouth bridge (which, would you believe, is a bridge over the river wear), so new hats can be inducted into the cult of the buffalo (a cult which streches beyond the hats to other, more respectable members of society).

The induction is this: with your backl to the edge of the bridge) You kneel down on your right knee, hold a 2p coin in your right hand, hold your right hand (containing the coin) over your left shoulder. then repeat after the president the words "I solemnly swear, by almighty Frog (who was the first president of the society), to only drink with my right hand between the hour and the half hour, and to only drink with my left hand between the half hour and the hour, and not to drink on the hour, for that minute is sacred, and if I drink in that minute, I must not use my hands." and then throw the coin over your shoulder into the river. if you are caught drinking with one hand, another buffalo can point their elbow at you (NOT their finger,as it's rude to point) shout "buffallo" and you must down whatever remains of your drink. if the challenge is incorrect, then the challenger must down their drink.

The only way to leave the buffalo club is either to die, or to take out a full-page advert in the Financial Times (about £22,000)

Events organised by the society include the beer olympics. Last year, the women's hockey association claimed to be the only university club who could drink the N.H.S. under the table. So, whenever a member of the NHS sees a member of the WHA, any time of the day or night, they must approach her, say "I challenge you" and proceed to drink her under the table.

We spent some of the evening marching through Sunderland city centre singing

CELERY! CELERY!
If she don't come, i'll tickle her bum, with a stick of celery, OH YES!

and other similarly tasteful songs, including an ode to the Sunderland football manger Peter Reid:

Peter Reid's got a fing monkey's head, a Fing monkey's head, a fing monkey's head

Members of the hat society must only refer to each other on a hat night by their hat names, which are bestowed by the committee based on either (a) who or what they look like, (b) What they talk about or (c) What kind of hat theyare wearing on their first meeting.

Hence, the original president is Frog, as he has a very long tongue. the current president is called Supertram international, god knows why, my mate Alex is Stirfry because he managed to drinka wok full of beer without stopping for breath at his first meeting, and do you know what they called me?


Go on, have a guess...



They called me...


EGON! "because I look like Egon from ghostbusters" and I thought yes, i already blood knew that!

Are you up for an then Egon?

Aye, why not?

'cos it knackers your liver, shrinks your brain and makes you impotent

But- you've got to live eh?


I went 72 hours without a drink a few weeks ago - hell on earth

It's better to have 72 drinks in 1 hour than 1 in 72!

Could have done with it at the time

100-odd local tribeswomen were holding us hostage until their demands were met

*wonders if he should join AA, after he´s onto virtual ============~~~~ now... decides not to...*



*sobs... waits for Hati*

*All that stomping around and singing of intoxicated songs seems to have extinguished the fire.*

yep.
...*takes out note pad makes a note to have Egon E-mail his addy so's she can send him a hat...looks around at all the smoldering mess...doesn't see m-rae...must be in the loo putting on a fresh wig or sumthln'...*
How many more days do we have left in this thread?! I mean, should someone who knows how to use that mop-stick thingie use it or shall we jusss say it?
...*notices the 's still smoldering...* Now that's what I call 'slow cooking'!
Still smells like in here. I'm going to the alley!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~THUDWho boarded that sucker up?! ...*wonders back to the bar for 72 shots of anything that'll pour from a bottle...doesn't need a funny hat to drink alot...*

What a life... So much excitement. Pan, how can you keep up that pace? I´d be "crawling on my gums"( old danish saying around here ) by now I guess... well, perhaps not...

crawling to the dentist because of wisdom tooth...

*Cards her remaining slightly singed wool and felts it. Fashions a warm, slightly nasty smelling hat for Egon from the wool felt. The hat resembles a robin hood type chapeau, so she sticks a swizzle stick into in in lieu of a feather.

Paints a large NO SMOKING sign and hangs it up above her rocking chair area. Takes a fire extinguisher off the wall and sets it on the floor next to her

Buys Seth a and hopes that it helps him celebrate whatever it was that he was feeling particularly happy about.

Goes over to Englander and gives him a big long .*

I know EXACTLY how you feel, E. Hope the time passes quickly for you both.

Pan! Would you like to try one of these cherry brandies? Kes and I are pouring it over chocolate ice cream! Anyone else like to try it??

Wadda' ya' mean ONE?!?

...*wonders why E. thinks my life is so excite-a-lating...keeps her nose pin on...giggles at the fire stopping thingie by M-rae's chair
...does a spell and one side of the sign falls to the side...*

Yeah, I thought we were haven' a party or sumthin'!!
<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<


...*kicks the juke box and Ozzy BLASTS OUT!!...*
WWWWHHHOOO-HHHOOOO!!!

I mean......

...*on her 42cd shot of whatever...*PARTY 'TIL YA' PUKE!
...*shot # 43...down the hatch...*

"PARTY 'TIL YA' PUKE!"

Yes, that was the attitude at the hat society as well!

...*dons her safari hat...* I don't need no stinkin' society!
I maaag my own rules! *hic*
...*jusss realised what's happening to E....* I juss hate when that happens! E. won't even be able ta' smoke 'til that sucker heals! II'd best have one for him!...*sees the no smoking sign above mari-rae's chair...*Well, I wasn't planning ta' smoke in her chair anyways. ===>star>~~
...*raises her shot glass to whatever Seth is happy 'bout...*
Cheers Seth...*hic*...Yo', Egon, wadda' ya' thing of *hic* my hat?
...*puts her lips firmly around shot glass an' tosses her head back...*Thassss the tick-hic-et!
...*skips over to the juke box an' pushes all the Pink Floyd buttons...Dark Side Of The Moon begins to blare out...*