h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*watches the Kangas bounce into a Dragonfly...*

Ooops.... careful!

::Laughs, takes a long hit, and passes back to E... ::

There! Now it's /your/ problem!!!

*Passes the thing on, before it hits him...*

I´ll take it along to the kids I´ve got to look after... I think they´ll apreciate it

*Wonders if anything he said about THC triggering psychosis was understood by said kids...*

...*singing can be heard as the door to the Pub opens with a thud...Pandora's arms ar filled with gifts of a shaps...* I just love shopping... the very best part, is when it's over!
kay, D., here's some hair relaxer...I couldn't help but notice you seem to have a bit of a problem with your hair sticking straight up alot...and here's a washable silk blouse, with slits in the sleaves & a wee bit of elastic lace around the belly...hope you like the color!
Egon, one Apple Lap-Top for you & a 700 hour calling card to anywhere in the World. Oh, and this jar of yuppie uppers!
Let's see...Oh, Thog......for you, I have a handy lion skin, velcro backed puoch for all your herbal needs...even a front flap for a key or such.
Oh SultanDude??? Never around when you want him...
but boy oh boy, have a back ache...and he's right there. well...I couldn't decide...what do you guys think? ...*holds up one zebra stripped towel, with a pocket on the side...and one lepord print with a pocket on each side...* Theye'r extra room
E., I could only find three bottles of vintage wine from Aldebaran...they all say: something Zaphod Beeblebrox would cherish...but I was told the one with the words sort of warn away might be better served with oil, over a salad Sorry, I did my best.
Kes!!! Lookie!!!!!...*pulls out two pair of flesh color angora ear plugs......I was thinkn' you might want to give the Lady of the Mannor a pair too...after all, I know you both snore!
And Kes, here are some extra thirsty towels...there are blue ones as wellas pink ones, you can decide who'll be using what.
And Mari-rae...let's see, tropcal colored yarn...new needles, with soft rubber grips, for easy hands on use and wait 'til you see this!!!!! ...whispers...let's go into the ladies & try them on!!...*Pand & Mari rush into the ladies...where Mari-rae pulls a beautifl dress, shawl & matching ballet slippers from her bag...*
Mari!!! You look Maarvouls darhlikn!!! Whoo!! I'm talkn' someone's gonna' need a body guard!!!!! Wow.
I hop you like the shawl...such long brown fring! Such a pretty shade of...what would you call this? Champagne? Just like the gown! One long sleave, with a thumb loop, to keep the sleave down where it belongs...just off the other bare sholder! Oh, I hope Kes has he's heart pills handy! Sit, let's try these ballet slippers...I always wear them..when I HAVE to put SOMETHING on my feet...*slides them onto Mari-rae's feet...right away Mari feels the cool sensation of mint cream...* It's a little thingie I learned along the way...when I use to go dancing three nights a week...*ties the laces up and around Mari-rae's legs...a touch of lip gloss, a dash of tan eye shadow, a bit of peach blush...* Go get 'em girl!!! ...*Pandora sings...dun-da-daa-daaa...
and MAri-rae, an entirely transformed image of her former self emergases...*
*sigh* Perfection!

Pan sweetie! I'm cut to the bone. No pressies for Gwenniepoos?

*Pretends to sulk and turns her back on Pan, whilst hiding a huge grin and winking at E and Dragonfly*

Has anyone heard if there have been any reports of earth tremors in Australia over the past few hours?

*Starts to hum "I feel the Earth move under my feet" to herself (but not loud enough to Pan to hear because she's still supposed to be sulking)*

YAY!!! I have a purdy shirt... and hair relaxer...

::looks at the bottle:: "Do not ingest".



DARN!!!

::sings Carole King, too::

Hadn't heard about Australia. Of course, it's a quarter to four in the morning where I am....

Thanks Pan.

A historic day- I have a flawless h2g2 session in the university library.

No, really!

I brought my laptop down to the library and plugged it in to the university network and it works!

I have my sister to thank for m y laptop- she moved home from university while I went to university- her computer was crap, so she wanted the main home one, which i was going to bring to uni with me (My Dad has one in the office, so he didn't mind that), but my sister somehow managed to convince my parents that I would need a laptop as a full-soze PC wouldn't fit in my room at university.

And they agreed and bought me a £1000 Compaq presario Laptop!!!

Bit of a crisis with the uni computers today. My flatmate kim wanted to print out her Psychology essay, but her printer was broken, so she went to print it in the library. Unfortunately, they wouldn't print her graph as they didn't have the right software installed. I happen to msee her at this point, shouting (although quietly, I mean this *is* a library after all) "Hi, Kim, is everything alright, only to find her in the middle of a nervous breakdown as her graph wonn't print, and she's also mamaged to make one of the print stations crash, so i offer her the services of my own, rather unreliable, canon Bubble Jet printer which is missing half of it's casing as the socket which the mains adaptor plugs into at the back of the printer disappeared inside when the little thingie (I'm not very good at computer jargon) which holds the socket in place snapped, so I had to force the socket outside the printer (It's attached by two wires trapped in the casing.) This involved taking the front and bottom of the printer off, and unfortunately the bottom bit broke. the porinter often refuses to print until you hit it several times and press the reset and power buttons (heres the odd bit) simultaneously. And then you have to press them with exactly the right amount of force as the are normally held in place by part of the front casing.

So, I attach this maverick printer to Kim's PC, but this is not very helpful. I've lost the installation disk for the printer, and Kim's lost the Windows 98 CD she used to upgrade the computer. We're screwed, and her essay's due in in two hours time (It's now turning into one of those race against time movies like Run Lola Run and Extreme Measures or Desperate measures, whichever one had Michael keaton in).

So, we decide to try to print the graph off from my computer and my printer (Mike, another flatmate, has a top-of-the-range apple mac but is unfortrunately out, and has locked his door), but again, the graph won't show, as I don't have the software installed. So, time to install the software. I put the CD in the drive, it loads up, we get to the registraion screen, this is going well, why didn't we think of this earlier, and sudenly horror!

It asks for the product number of the CD.

Kim doesn't have the product number of the CD. She has a little over an hour until her essay is due in, and it takes 35 minutes to get from our flat to the building where she has to hand the essay in. Suddenly, I have a brainwave, and switch her computer back on. I load up the program, find the graph and, here's the glorious bit, copy it into Paint (It's so simple). i then save this paint file to a floppy disk, and put the floppy disk into my computer (If I hadn't left my home networking cable at home whe I came to uni this would've been a lot easier) and open the paint file wghich, thankfully, works. I then copy and paste the graph into Kim's essay (which is on the same disk) and print off the page with the graph on (which came up with just a box at other times).

There are 40 minutes until the essay is due, and it's been completed but there is a 35 minute walk, and Kim just phoned me to inform me that she beat the deadline by FIVE minutes.

And so ends the Hollywood drama of how I saved my flatmate's essay. I need a drink now

CHEERS!

Where`s the criminals? Where´s the dope? Where is Alfred Hitchcock hiding and why is there no bit about Snoopy?

Pardon? Sorry ... I didn't hear a word on account of these angora ear plugs ...
*Grabs hold of the bar in case of earth tremors, and attempts to take his heart pills*

**mari-rae sneaks up behind Kes and watches what he's doing**

*Peers over Mari's shoulder to take a peek at what's holding her attention*

Good drama there Egon! All's well that ends well, etc.

How true.

Alfred Hitchcock was hiding behind the printer and Snoopy was on strike, but was replaced by Eeyore from Winnie The Pooh (Kim's got 4 of them in her bedroom, they saw the unfolding drama but there bits were cut [painful] from the final edit. Wait for the directors cut.

That just leaves us with the question of the dope...

*waits for the directors cud....*

Eeyore's no SNOOPY....

He might turn up again as the WW1-Flying-Ace and shoot us out of here for that...

*ducks... and rubber ducks *

(Hi! I am having trouble logging on as me because the diodes in my memory bank have forgotten my bbc name and password. Duh. I have asked for help and am waiting to hear back. In the meantime I am lurking. Be good! Thank you for all the lovely clothes, Pan!

... all around!

xxx, mari-rae)

*Adjusts angora ear-plugs*

...*takes yuppie-uppers away from Egon...*
guess you'll all say that his getting a lap-top was just a coins...hold it right there Missy.......... I knew there was something I had forgotten! Gwennie!!!! Lookie...*pulls out a never ending bottle of V-T...* I got it the same place I got my N20 tanks from last year! And you have a new 'dog-walking' outfit in the ladies too! ...*whispers...*dog walking is what our sweet lil' Gwennie has come to call what Street Walking use to be called! Poor thing, if only she'd stop using those 'cut-rate' plastic surgens! Ah well...glad you all like your thingies...*motions to Kes......Kes s back...*
I'm whipped....*goes to the blue-blue goo couch...*Oh Mari-rae?
I forgot to tell you, you have a reversable warming cushion inder your seat...I wasn't sure if you wanted a pillow on that rocker or not. Enjoy!

Thanks Pan sweetness! You're most thoughtful.

*Takes a swig from the never-ending bottle of vodka and wipes her mouth on the back on her hand*

Now then...About this doggie walking outfit. Does it include...rubber wellies?

*Hopes that her latest facial plastic surgery stretches to a *

I'm sure that your logging on problem will be sorted out when everyone gets back to work on Monday Mari! TPB are quite used to sorting Pan's problems out, aren't they Pan?

Pan?

*Elbows Pan in the ribs to wake her up*

Wake up dear! Oh dear! Methinks Pan needs to increase her dosage of HRT again!

Poor Pan!!! Don't elbow her!!!