h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Sips martini #42*

Wait! wait! wait! I know it! I know the question! Wait.... oh heck... now I forgot it.

*Rubs her shins and wonders what on Earth she's done to upset Pan now*

Good idea about pouring a gallon or so of martini down her gullet Linus!

*Stands well clear of Pan and waits for the martini to "kick in" and hopes that it stops Pan kicking her shins any more*

What's up Mari? *Tries to look concerned as she sips a martini* Yuck! Where's my vodka?

I'm about 10 miles outside the City of Durham Egon. Fortunately we're right on the edge of the Dales and it isn't too bad around here, especially the further into the Dales one goes. You're quite right about Sunderland - it is indeed the armpit of the North East! I've been there once and it isn't a trip I'd like to repeat. It's almost as bad as Middlesborough, as one requires an oxygen mask to breath and it just has to be the North East's other armpit!

Egon, I've been to Bridlington for a weekend... in January.... to me, any place in England is the nice place because it's a hell of a lot closer to my dearheart than Colorado is!!!!

Not been to Middlesbrough yet, but let's face it, armpit of the Northeast is quite a hotly-contested title. Not been to bridlington either. I've only been in Sunderland 6 months (I get to go home for easter today. yay!) and have ventured as far as Durham (quite nice, especially if you're going through on the train at 7am and the sun's rising over the castle and cathedral) and Newcastle (pretty average big city). But the little known twin sh*tholes of Widnes and Runcorn in the Northwest (my native area) are the only places I have been to (I actually WORK in Widnes sometimes) which compare to Sunderland. Runcorn's the kind of place where you can tell which way the wind's blowing by whether you can smell the Chemical factories, or the places where they turn horses into glue. Seriously, it's that nice.

Ackpth.

...*tries to glup down the martini Linus has so kindly provided...
...would like to tell Gwennie that she got kicked because she mentioned gardening whilst it was snowing here...Gwennie bragged about the lovely weather most of the Winter...and she won't give me her first born...and she knows alot about how to use a 'puter and a whole bunch of other stuff that she can't remember just now because she's been martin-a-rised...*

...more please and thank you.

I'm sure that my teenage mutant sulk-a-lot would love to abandon her embarrassing mother Pan me old fruit!

I do not martinerise my daughter by the way! The last time she was upset about something, I plied her orange squash with a wee vodka... One of my friends told me that I have "unusual" maternal habits/instincts. Personally I don't see what she's referring to...

We've got sunshine again today, but there is a cold wind that I might be able to use as an excuse to avoid the gardening!

...*would give Gwennie a good swift kick if she wern't so impressalated by her parenting skills...* Wow.

looks as if there's twice as marny mytinis on the wall.
Cool. Man. Cool. I haen't been this hammerd since yesterday.

Well, then let me have a sip of that Martini 42...

*Tastes*

HEY! It´s Jinx ´tonic!

*Has another taste...*

Just kidding

" the door swings open "

A really bad looking and somewhat smelly guy wanderes across the room. A long raincoat and a shabby hat cover up his identity.

When he looks up, all that is to see is an unshaven face that from the looks of it has been trough a lot.

Goodday everybody, long time no see, or hear,or write for that matter.
I've just returned from long journeys across planes and planer spheres and was wondering if the job given to me a long time ago was still mine to claim. After I've had a bath, a haircut and a shave ofcourse..

ARUTHA! Who would belive it... We could do with a barman in here! I can remeber you! The shave and bath did you good... don´t know about the haircut! There´s a great number of Martini´s standing on the wall... great number of Martini´s standing on the wall, and if one Arutha, would try and serve them all... there´d be no Martini´s standing on the wall...

Howya doin`, kid???(oops... am I entiteled to ask so?)

Just have a look at the backlog(s) Things have changed quite a bit since I last saw you here!

First off all, Ofcourse I could serve all martini's at once, just don't know if they'll end up in the right place.

As for the question if I'm doing alright, yes I'm thank you for askng. I could ofcourse bore you with a story on how I conquered world and stuff. But the facts proof differently. I rescaduled my life and found the time to come back to this place as well.

Just one thing I hope hasn't changed and that's the welcomeness and warmth that was here and still hope is here.

" My god, am I actually trying to be warm and fuzzy now, things have changed.

Not everyONE has changed though E.!

...*slides over to Arutha...* Welcome Home!
Wah'? This is MY home away from home...runs over and kicks the jukebox twice and Glenn Miller's 'In The Mood begins to blast forth...* ...*begins dancing...*

*Finishes his pint-o-tini and chases the olives around the bottom of the mug with his fingers*
Must get my fresh veg!

Figures that somethings never change and decides to start dancing as well.

"While dancing notices quit a big hole in the floor"

Don't wan't to fall i that one, so try's desperately to avoide the hole wich drives him closer and closer towards Pandora

*Corners a couple of the olives (no mean feat in a round mug) and closes in for the kill*

Squuueeeeeee ...Sklooooop ....flippple wheeeeeeeeeeee!

Where'd that one go?

Ooops! Sorry, Pan!

*Sticks her cane out into the dance floor.*

Dancing while a small blackinsh/ greenidsh object fly's toward Pan.

IN ofcourse his heroic efforts to avoid Pan from beiing hurt by the object he dives between the object and Pan, no attention at all for the hole that's in the floor that fit for a small elephent.

" don't worry I'll resque you, "

"Oh my god, i'ts a bird, it's a plane, it's a really big hole in the floor wich rises up out of nowwhere.

" I will take positi aaaaauuuhhhhh!!!!!!