h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Everyone but you stops eating there. They quickly go out of business.


I wish Firefly hadn't been cancelled.

Firefly hasn't been cancelled, but it has been disneyfied for wider appeal. It's unwatchably saccharine.

I wish that I'll only have a short wait in the pharmacy this morning.

(Pah. Like it needs Disneyfying.)


Your wait is short, pleasant, and efficient. It's a fabulous experience.

Only after you arrive home do you realize they put the wrong medicine in the bag.



I wish my feet weren't cold.

Did you mean to jump into that brazier to warm them? If you're lucky, thsose third degree burns will have healed before the end of summer.

I wish I'd eaten a bit less pizza.

by the magic of hootoo you are whisked back in time to before the pizza appeared, you eat none of it, unfortunately you still have to pay for it which goes against your inherent scrooge like nature, causing a massive nervous breakdown reducing you to a gibbering wreck

I wish I were a much nicer person

You are a lovely person. Unfortunately, your good nature is taken for granted and after constantly being pestered to do this, that, and the other, you have no time or energy for yourself.

I wish I had some red thread to hand...

your wish has come true, look down, at your feet is some red thread, it lies on the floor, a long single line of it going out of the door. You follow it gathering it up as you go, it leads you on and on into a wood, into a cave and you have a ball of red thread in your hand and at the same time you look up, and see you are being glared at by....THE MINOTAUR

I wish I were not so verbose!

From now on, you will usually answer with no more than 3 syllables, unless (as in the sawing handcuffs scene in "who framed Roger Rabbit?") breaking that rule would be funny.

I wish that netting was less annoyng to sew.

granted but

you find that

you can't sew

anything else

so all your

clothing turns

to ragged

bits of cloth

what a shame

I wish that

I could use

more than these