h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After losing a bet, you are now running across Wimbledon Centre Court during the Women's finals, dressed in one sock. Nobody will forget your contribution to the sport. Ever.

I wish I could start rowing again.

The other bunk in the shared cell you're incarcerated in on Mars is occupied by an ex who you've not spoken to since the big argument about how to hang the cloth used to ensure the tiles in the shower are left streak-free. It turns out that that's an argument that is ripe for revival.

I wish I could ski.

Your skiing abilities improve magically overnight. Unfortunately, you are also on Mars, in the cell opposite an ex-couple catching up on their old arguments, so there is not much point.

I wish I had the keys to the cell door.

You have the keys to the cell door, but they both need to be turned simultaneously, and your ex isn't letting you leave this room until you hear them out.


I wish I could get into an argument with my ex. Or any type of conversation at all, really.

You are forced to be play scrabble with your ex. The conversation takes place on the board entirely.



I wish I could get onto three times triple word value with one word, for a change.

The word in question is "it," and with the triple-word score it's worth a grand total of.... six points.


I wish America's education system were.... uh.... better.

Donald Trump won the election, so education will definitely be 'Great!' or even 'Fantastic!' from now on. 'Love it!'


I wish that little bird would stop staring it me. I have to work.