h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Granted, except that it began raining while you were still working on the roof.

I wish for the time and energy to write without having to give up another part of my life.

Here, put this on. *Gives Herenna a wrist-watch.*

See, if you push that button there, you'll be teleported back 6-hours. With careful planning (to ensure you don't run into yourself), you'll always have extra time to do whatever you want to do.

Of course, from everyone else's perspective, you appear to age twenty years in a ten-year period. Your family insists that you see a doctor.



I wish to attend a banquet.

Granted

Oh, didn't I tell you? It's a very special banquet, in your honour and nothing like the food you've ever seen or tasted before.

In fact, none of the food or drink was made for humanoid palates, and half of it may well kill you. Watch out for the uranium fizz!

Drat, forgot to wish for anything.

I wish that I'll be able go get to both of the places I want to be tomorrow.

The chinese board game "Go" is at both of the places you wanted to be, uh... last week... Sadly, you weren't.


(You mangle the sentence, you reap the rewards.)


I wish for tacos.

Tacos you shall have Heavily laced with hallucinogenics and a poison which takes 6 hours to kill you.

I wish for an end to this heatwave.

It's no longer a wave. It's just this hot all the time now.


I wish there was a way for doctors to extract my plasma without poking me with a bunch of needles.

There is. See this teleportation device? It'll transport all of your plasma, without the rest of you, to the other side of the lab.

The trouble is, it's all or nothing, so doing this will probably kill you.

I wish for 4 hours of unbroken sleep. BTW best of luck with the medical tests and whatever is being looked for.

(Oh, they're not looking for anything. They're just taking it and then giving it to other people. Like vampiric middle-men. Armed with needles.)



You sleep for four-score and seven hours! Your employer is very unhappy with you.

But you've never felt so rested!



I wish I hadn't overslept today.

How 'bout... I wish to meet a spooky Goth girl who will love and adore me. And never, ever take me for granted.

I'd like to introduce you to Brunnhilda, who excels at tying you to her massive bedpost, after which she will play tic tac toe on your back, using erasable ink. She can play these games for hours.

I wish for a bandstand, complete with Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers to sing "Isn't it a lovely day to get caught in the rain?"

(That's not what I asked for.)


That's all they sing. All the time. FOREVER.....


I wish computers would become more backwards-compatible and not less.

You have your all the way backward compatible computer. The punchcard / cuneiform and grunt interfaces take up all the space of your house and those in the rest of your street. The smoke signal interface has just caught fire and the neighbours that remained complain about the noise of your stone tablet printer.

I wish things were simple

You awaken in a room that's 10-feet wide, 10-feet long, and 10-feet tall. There is a lamp to provide light, but no visible means of exit or entrance. Every time you wake up after falling asleep you find food and water, but you don't know where it came from or how it got there.

This is your life.



I wish certain... people I know... would express remorse.

Your door bell rings. The first person on your lists begs forgiveness and refuses to leave until you grant it it. For the rest of the day every one else you see does the same thing. For the rest of your life they will demand that your forgiving minor things that you do not even remember.

I wish to visit the most interesting place on Earth.

Your daughter was late getting back from last night's date. She's been emptying the milk carton and then putting it backi n the refrigerator.

When you confront her about these infractions, she express remorse about things that *other* people have done -- King John's agreeing to the Magna Carta, Bill Buckner's letting that ball roll between his legs in the 1986 World Series, and Aunt Agatha accidentally putting pickles in the cream puffs last night.

I wish Frederick Trump had stayed in Bavaria rather than immigrating to the U.S.

It turns out that Bavaria is the most interesting place on Earth, especially since Frederick Trump stayed there to eventually raise Donald. Unfortunately, this led to Germany winning the second world war. His grandson was sent to rule the American Colonies

I wish for universal peace and happiness

[That was a very clever answer. ]

Thanks. Just trying to put the double postings back together.

Still wishing for universal peace and happiness

The nuclear was was over quickly, with all the people gone things are very peaceful. The cockroaches are happy that no one is left to step on them.

I wish for a perfect day.