h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Watching TV in your room has been made a capital crime by presidential decree. Everybody is hung in the lobby as a penalty.

I wish I didn't have such a morbid solution to corrupt this wish

You rethink your corruption and now they just have to go to the lobby and talk to each other. Of course they disagree with everything anyone else thinks and the violence is unbelievable.

In the words of Rodney King 'I wish we could all just get along'.

We all get along with each other. We do it so well that we don't notice the asteroid coming at us. We might have been able to intercept it with nuclear warheads and blast it into harmless particles, but all our energy was aimed at getting along.

I wish the auto repairers would hurry and get my transmission fixed.

They installed a 27MC radio. Transmission is perfect. You can now ask the tow truck to pick you up directly.

I wish I could have dinner right now.

Manna falls from the skies as if on cue. Trouble is, the chunks are ten feet in diameter, and weigh 400 pounds each. be careful not to stand directly under them.

...or near their impact sites...

Make a wish, paulh!

I wish I didn't make so many typoes.

It has been unanimously decided that spelling will be optional on a worldwide scale.This is very unfortunate for anyone employed as teacher in languages.

I wish I didn't put that last log on the fire. Now I have to wait before I can go to sleep.

You didn't put it on the fire, but you get a terrible case of insomnia and you're unable to sleep for three days.

I wish I had a fireplace.

In a surprise early move, Santa gives you a fireplace, but unions for the companies that deliver firewood go on strike the same day. You live in a penthouse apartment (I know, dream on, right? ) with only one lone ficus tree on the patio. That's enough for six minutes of heating in your brand new fireplace. You get your newspapers electronically, so there's no newsprint to burn.

I wish my car wasn't in the shop being fixed.

Great news, your car is no longer in the shop being repaired - the mechanic has decided it is not worth fixing, so now it is in the scrap yard.

I wish I could retire right now and not have to worry about the bills.

Bill decided to call himself William again. You could retire, but he's not going to pay for your upkeep.

I wish my kids would enjoy maths (or at least put some effort in it)

Your kids discover that the love math so much, they decide to become professional mathematicians. Alas, so do millions of other kids, with the result that there are no jobs for mathematicians.

I wish the days weren't getting so short.

You wake up and find yourself in an Antarctic research base. It's very cold outside and the sun is out for months at a time.

(Speaking as one who likes long nights.... )


I wish I had Super Luck as a super power.

One day, during a thunder storm, you accidentally touch a high tension wire, and are transformed into Luckyman, whose super power is consistently good luck. This seems like a blessing at first, until you discover that you have a long lost twin brother who has suddenly become Unluckyman (your bad luck has replaced his good luck, it seems). Every time you find a lost wad of cash on the street, your twin brother suddenly becomes desperate for an amount of money exactly to the money you've found. You can't abandon your brother in his hour of need, now can you?

The news out of Washington is consistently upsetting, so I wish for a week in which little or nothing happens there.

The budget approval doesn't come (again). Nothing happens for the next week, including salary payments. If this continues into next week, violent stuff will start happening. This causes an internet breakdown. Stuff happens, you just don't hear about it.

(Scary when you can corrupt wishes with stories that really happened(the first part, that is))

I wish the necessary environmental changes wouldn't be that expensive. Most people do not have the budget to buy a new eco-friendly car and solar panels and go to geothermal heating which requires massive insulation efforts in the timeframe that is now being discussed.

They are not expensive, they are unaffordable by even the 1%.

I wish I wouldn't have had to corrupt my own wish.

You didn't. You just weren't willing to wait around for another six-plus months for me to come back on the site. The bad news is that I'm probably going to be away for a while again.


I wish I was in a loving, trusting, mutually-valued relationship with a supermodel-quality girl. Who's, like, smart and stuff.

*sigh*

You are in a loving, trusting, mutually-valued relationship with a supermodel-quality girl. Who's, like, smart and stuff.
Then you meet her obnoxious, xenophobic parents who are out to get the little money you have... (the big money as well, if you happen to own that)


I wish everybody a very happy festive season.

(I know it is dangerous to have that one corrupted, but at the current rate it will be over anyway)