h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*CYBERHUMAN finishes chatting with Will and moves over to talk to a soldier who has had both his legs blown off by a blast from one of the robots. The soldier's name is Grant*

*continues working*

*CYBERHUMAN talks to Grant*

I'm very sorry that you have lost both your legs. I guess it must be hard for you to appreciate the victory we have achieved today when you have lost so much. Legs are very important - they give you independence and better mobility for a start - and I'm so very sorry. But the surgeons here really are the very best and they can do wonders for people who have lost limbs like you. They may even be able to fix your legs back onto your body. I tell you what, I'll allow the surgeons to borrow my cell regenerator panel, then they can fix your legs back onto you and repair the damage so that they'll be as good as new.

*fetches Igor*

*CYBERHUMAN excuses himself from Grant's bedside and hurries off into the corridor to talk to Mala*

He hasn't got long left, Mala. If he's lucky, he might be able to survive the next few hours. Massive blood loss coupled with infection already spreading throughout his blood doesn't do wonders for his chances of survival. And I'm not even sure if the cell regenerator panel will work in time to save him.

Then don't promise him things you can't keep!

And now you and Igor do your best, together, you should be almost unbeatable.

*CYBERHUMAN sighs*

I made those promises to spare him the alternative. Do you really think a man on his deathbed wants to hear the words, "I'm sorry, there's nothing we can do for you. You've got three hours at the most"? I was being kinder by lying to him than telling him he'll be dead before too long. I've never actually met this Igor.

He's right over there, working.

*points out the heavily scarred, but friendly-looking man standing at an impromptu operating table*

*CYBERHUMAN goes over and introduces himself to Igor*

Good. Now, how can I help you two?

*CYBERHUMAN talks to Igor*

We've got a critically injured soldier in the Sick Bay who urgently needs an operation to put his two severed legs back onto his body. I have a cell regenerator that can regenerate his body cells and repair the internal and external damage in just a couple of minutes, but I need his body to be whole before I can use it.

*Igor agrees to the procedure and sends two helpers to bring him over*

*CYBERHUMAN takes Mala away to spare her the gore of Grant and his lack of legs*

Still waiting for that "Thank you for saving my life."

I don't need to be spared anything, thank you very much! We women are not as squeamish as you guys think, can't afford to be!

*CYBERHUMAN looks hurt*

Still got the PRT have we?

You don't care about all these people being hurt, do you? They're not *your* crew after all.

*CYBERHUMAN looks even more hurt*

That's not fair! I'm just about to go into that operating theatre to help save that poor man's life! When I'm done with him, I'm going to go around the Sick Bay with my cell regenerator panel and heal everybody's wounds! Plus, I also saved you twice in that battle, once when you were about to be squashed and again when you had several bullets pumped into you! Technically you were dead, and I could have left you like that, but no, I thought "Why should she die when there are so many people out there who could better themselves by knowing her? Why should her life be thrown away like this?" Does that sound like not caring to you?!

*CYBERHUMAN turns and walks back into the operating theatre, feeling very hurt*

*looks after him, shaking her head*

Yes, but that's not because you care - it's too make you look more of a hero!

*CYBERHUMAN ignores her, talking to Igor*

*sadly continues doing what little she can*