h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The gigantic humanoid suddenly roars savagely and swings its' arm, as thick and powerful as a treetrunk, at a number of troops in Team 2. The helpless troops are swept into the air by the humanoid's swinging arm, and while they are in mid-air their already broken and bloody bodies are filled with bullets fired from the humanoid's Gatling gun. The troops drop lifelessly to the floor*

Hey! You! Stop that!

*charges directly at him, sword raised*

*The gigantic humanoid cackles in a deep, rumbling way and casually swings his powerful arm, slamming into the side of Mala and sending her tumbling from Alef and onto the floor*

(I'm off for my tea. See you later!)

*rolls onto her feet in a smooth movement, crouching in readiness, sword pointing at her opponents face*

(how can you leave NOW?)

*The gigantic humanoid looks down at Mala's sword, which seems so small and insignificant compared to the humanoid, and laughs even louder, his whole massively-muscled body shuddering with his laughter*

*CYBERHUMAN calls to Mala from the thick of battle*

You can't fight the humanoid with that sword Mala! You might as well use a toothpick as far as that sword is concerned! That humanoid has skin ten times thicker than human skin!

*rushes in closer, standing right beside the foot that alone is higher than her head*

*The humanoid looks down and smiles in an evil way, his cold blue eyes fixed on Mala's own, then casually lifts up his foot and slams it down hard to crush Mala to death*

*Mala is suddenly grabbed at high speed and before she knows it, she is riding behind CYBERHUMAN on the back of the gigantic fly he has control of. He ducks and weaves in between the robots as he delivers Mala back to Alef, the wind rushing past them as they fly at an unbelievably high speed. CYBERHUMAN turns to Mala and grins*

I saw what was coming. He had no idea I can move faster than he can.

*looks back at where he is hopping up and down, howling and cradling his foot and sees her sword sticking out of it*

And I can *think* faster than he can - I rammed the sword point-up in the ground, he's wedged it in his foot harder than I ever could have! he's distracted now...

*CYBERHUMAN sounds grim*

I wouldn't be so sure...

*The humanoid lifts up his foot and takes hold of the hilt of the sword between his forefinger and thumb, the sword tiny compared to his hand, and pulls it out like someone pulling a tiny splinter of wood out of their flesh. Casually the humanoid snaps the sword in half and throws it away, before slamming his foot down again and readying his Gatling gun for a new burst of fire*

Wait a bit now - Ben's put quite a nice poison spell on that sword for me - see, it's working already, his foot's going to sleep!

*CYBERHUMAN sighs*

Won't make any difference to him. He has the Gatling gun remember! Now duck!

*He and Mala duck as a hail of 5000 bullets whizz over their heads and strike several troops desperately fighting the robots. The troops cry out as their bodies are pumped full of bullets and then collapse to the floor, their cold dead eyes staring straight ahead and blood trickling from their wounds*

Yes it will - look, he's having trouble standing already. It will spread. We just have to avoid being in the wrong spot when he falls.

*The massive humanoid breathes in deeply and then lets loose a torrent of thick black poison from its' huge mouth, all the poison absorbed through its' blood vessels until it is able to spit it all out. The poison hits the far wall and bounces back to splash over the heads of several troops, causing them severe physical pain and harm. The humanoid seems quite alright now. CYBERHUMAN looks at Mala sadly*

Remind me never to let you try and be the heroine next time.

*suddenly spurs his fly into action and shoves Cyber savagely, pulling an extra laser cannonn from the holster on the saddle where she stuck it*

You missed it! He was totally focused on getting rid ot the poison, and you didn'T act!

*The humanoid suddenly clutches his enormous, hairless head, a look of confusion all over his ugly face*

*CYBERHUMAN grins*

Didn't I?

Insufferable heroic type!

*blasts the humanoid in the bald pate*

*CYBERHUMAN scoffs*

Charming, considering if it weren't for me you'd be flat as a pancake by now, and very much... dead!

*The laser-beam is absorbed harmlessly by the humanoid's head. CYBERHUMAN cackles*

What part of "he's virtually unbeatable, haven't you got that yet?" don't you understand? You insufferable not-very-quick-on-the-uptake type!

Would I, I really wonder!

*blasts another blast, knocking the humanoid slightly backward*

*The humanoid fires another 5000 bullets from its' Gatling gun, striking Mala square in the chest! She is rocked backward by the impact of the bullets, blood spurting from her body! Almost in slow-motion and with a horrified look of disbelief on her face, she slides from the fly and hits the floor, almost lifelessly. CYBERHUMAN is stunned by what has happened*

(you're stunned? what about me?)


*manages to raise herself up one more time, gun in hand - points it at Cy and makes eye contact with him, shooting him a hate-filled look, but then flings the gun away before turning over, coughing blood*