h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

ROFL Kes....
A similar situation happened to me on my birthday last year.
At a car park, in Cleethorpes, within feet of each other, were not 2, but 3 "men in my life", my youngest's dad, my ex- {still friendly} and my current, for one horrible moment I thought I was going to have to make small talk with all three!

*turns slightly green at the thought of the last post*
wow. that is messed up...

*Eyes tight shut, gibbering in terror, Kes has missed the last few movements. He opens one eye to see a torn anorak at his feet, and PE in front of him. Otherwise, the clearing is empty. He risks opening the other eye.*
Er, hello Peaceful .... er

*Dan walks by, in search of bureaucrats, and looks around.*

*He soon realizes he wants to be anywhere but here, and runs away.*

*Kes looks closely at Peaceful. She seems calm, so he doesn't run away. She seems in some way different - colder? no, not that ... distant? .. perhaps Serene? ... closer. Whatever the right adjective, the effect on Kes is to make him realise how stupidly he has behaved. He looks at his toes for inspriation.*
Peaceful? I don't know what came over me ... no - don't say that - Peaceful, I have been so stupid, and I don't know why. Can we still be ... can we ... I mean are we?

*Peaceful allows her thoughts to compete - hidden behind her face.
She could feel something ... well, yes, let's call it love .. for this silly boy. After all, he is developing into something with more substance than the dreadful youth wha first set foot on the island two weeks ago.
But she is accustomed to getting her own way. She has atomised people who crossed her ... and there's the million dollars, after all.
Then again, he could be useful - he did promise her she could have the money if he won. A plan to conquer the best of both worlds emerges , and she speaks to him:

"Kes, at least you can see that you have behaved very badly. You say that you want me to forgive you? Right now, I can't do that, but all things are possible. Are you prepared to earn forgiveness?
If so, then - for me - get to the bottom of what's going on here. Find out what the Marshalls are playing at - find out what the hidden rules are. Then we can win! Do that, and ... who knows? Will you do that for me?" *

Yes, yes, yes, I just want to be like we were. I didn't ...

*She silences him with a toss of her head: "Kes - you can't prove anything with words. Prove your love with deeds - and results" She turns to walk to the hut, then throws one last comment over her beautiful, tanned shoulder:
"And if I see you with that s**t again I will see to it that you never pick up another stamp for the rest of your life - let alone another woman."

It was an excellent exit. Kes inspects his toes agin, feeling totally crushed, but not without hope.
The interior of the hut is dark - too dark for Kes to see that Peaceful sits with tears streaming down her face.*

*finally waking up from her nap by the fire, she looks around and begins to cry*
I'm so sorry I missed so much!!
It's not my fault, really!
I'm so little and I was so tired from all the excitement, I feel asleep. Why did no one wake me??? Have I been voted off yet???

It's all right. No need to be upset.
*Gets some water from the stream (using coconut shell)*
Here - drink this - nice and slow.
Look - if you're here, you're here - you can't have been voted off, can you?
Gosh - there's a lot to tell. First - you tell me - how are you feeling? Did you take the pills before you went to sleep? They keep the malaria away.

*Slowly comming out of her temper tantrum.*
Pills? what pills?
Uh oh, am I sick now??

Take it easy. That's probably why you've been out of it for so long. Look! Your bottle of pills is nearly full - you've hardly taken any. Take two now, then one every day.
OK. Here's some of the things that have happened.
First - we get to go home at the end of this week - just four more days to go, then you can be back with Mummy and Daddy.
The Marshalls are going to decide who has won, and somebody will get the prize, and we all go home.
Some of the Survivors have been quite ill; some are still in hospital, oh, and there's some new marshalls - so don't worry about the new faces.
You remember Peaceful? The nice lady? She's over there in the hut, but don't disturb her for a while.
I want to find out what the marshalls are up to, so that I'll know how to win, but I haven't really got any good ideas ...
and that's about it, I think. Anything you want to ask about?

*takes two pills and realises what a hot item the full bottle must be, she slips the bottle into her dress pocket.*
thank you for your help kes...and for the water.
*lets out one last sniffle then rubs her eyes to start fresh. Looks around base camp and tries to remember whats going on and who she is with.*
Do you know where my friends ox and eatsmice are? I remember them being in our tribe as well, but dont see them here. Are they perhaps at the waterfall or somplace?

* Peaceful runs out of the hut. Some good news for a change!

Lintilla, there you are! You're so small, I didn't notice you sleeping by the fire!

* Really, allowing such a small child to a survival ordeal! Some people would do anything for money...

* Lucky Lintilla had resorted to sleep as a form of survival.
that's also called equilibrium.

* Peaceful is thinking hard about those stamps. She thinks she'd better not tell him she's remembered she's very very rich...

* That wouldn't further her plans for him...

* Her muscles are aching from smiling benignly at the poor creature...

Yes, let's take her into the hut, and give her something to eat. She looks so pale.
Peaceful ... we could look after her - like her Mummy and Daddy - just 'til the competition's over... or do you still want me to go looking for clues?
Actually .. I'd rather stay here with you.

* The poor creature being, of course, the innocent Kes!

* He has a long way to go before learning about women...

* Men - liking sleeping dogs, are so often allowed to lie!

* But it isn't good for them. Their thinking processes are effected... That's why they never understand what women are
saying or doing...

* Ah! Good idea - something to do together + something to do apart!

I'll stay with her for now * brisk, down-to-business voice -- so cool *

You can go looking for clues, you're better at that then I'll ever be!

*Kes is so happy - it seems he has been forgiven. Though he doen't want to go exploring, he realises he will have to - at some point. With his anorak "remodelled" by ddgb, he has no large, safe pocket for his precious stamp album. He acts.*
Peaceful - look here - I've pulled my album into two parts - I've got a trouser pocket just big enough to take one of them.
So I'll take these, and I'll leave the other half with you, OK?
Well, it makes sense - I've sorted out the valuable stamps from the rest. The valuable ones should fetch, oh, maybe $250,000 - it's not a million, I know ...
but it's the best I can do, and I want to make sure they're safe.
Here - you take this *half an album*.
When it's over, we can meet up, and .. well, maybe..?
It's like wearing rings - isn't it? We've each got one - half a pair. What a laugh!
*He goes to the cooking plate to get some food for himself and Lintilla, plus some vegetables for Peaceful. PE clutches her package, then realises that Kes never said which of the two halves contains the valuable stamps!
Which half has she got? Has Kes trusted her with his treasure, or ....?*

* Though even for a brilliant scientist with a limited brain capacity like Peaceful - she realizes that all she has to do is to get her hands on the other half of the stamp collection -- before that gorgeous creature finds a way to do it!

* The way the anorak is reshaped hadn't fooled her for a minute!

* A tear of regret falls on her vegetables...

* He is still so kind to her, how can she think of doing such cruel things to the poor guy?

* Then she remembers the scene at the hospital tent... and all over the island, in fact - and her heart turns to stone!

* Yes, poor Kes. Maybe he really didn't deserve what was coming...

*Kes returns with food*
Here's something for us all to eat.
*Puts three portions (2 fish, 1 veg.) on the table, plus quite a bit of surplus*
This is cosy! Just like being home with Mu .... home - isn't it Lintilla? Eat up!
Peaceful, if you really want me to go looking for clues, I will. Give me a hand to wrap this food in leaves, then I can carry some with me ..
If that's what you want, of course.
I'm not sure, I mean, I haven't got a plan or anything, but maybe I don't need a plan. After all ddgb says you should always go for bro.... Cough! Cough!
*Pretends to be having problems with a fish bone*
I mean, we should have a plan, shouldn't we?