h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The camra zooms in on Chroem's face as his head snaps round asi f on a spring: to look at Tweetie. Slowly making his way over to her, he picks up two large tequilas.*

Uh ... hi. *grins. hands her a tequila.* Did you say soemthing about dancing?
*puts hand to lean on a keg, which soeone has taken away. Begins to fall, but with a graceful flap of his cyberpunk wings, he float back up to land in fornt of Tweetie. He can smell the heavenly aroma on her breath.*
So, do you knwo the Macarena?

*So nervous that he makes lots of typos (including misspelling his own name).*

* If the phrase to ‘drink like a fish’, were applied to Guardian Angels, the worlds oceans would soon vanish. It’s not that they drink too much, it’s just often. VERY often… *

* If there is a party anywhere in the known or ‘unknown’ Universe, without a doubt you will find an Angel filed away in a dark, smoky corner desperately losing to the eternal battle with gravity. On most such occasions, the greeting ‘Hello, how are you Zax ?’ will more than suffice… *

* The current party spot is the adjoining room to the Wings Bar in Heaven where currently all matter of escapades are taking place… *

* Over here, Saint Manxie the Patron Saint of Sociable Hermits is holding court amongst a thong of beautiful women. Apparently, all that time alone on his desolate Isle gave him time to get to grips with his ‘inner woman’. Just as well, or he would have had nobody to reject him every Saturday night… *

* Over yonder, Saint Girleight the Patron Saint of the Accident Prone is busily trying to pull the cork out of an ancient bottle of red found in the deepest bowels of Heaven. She succeeds, although the wincing Saint Galaxy Babe the Patron Saint of Tantrums behind her, is holding her eyelid in pain, and who is presently building up to a rapid crescendo of indignation… *

* Saint Kornball the Patron Saint of Corny Remarks nudges Saint Galaxy Babe… *

Saint Kornball – Would you like more punch ???

* Up on the bandstand area, GOD is belting out a karaoke rendition of ‘Imagine’ whilst tonight’s musical guest - John Lennon sits up front wincing… *

GOD – Alright !!! I think I’ve held center stage here for far too long. Although the first 3 hours were fine, I admit the last 5 hours was far from MY best…

* A murmur goes through the crowd, quiet like a lynching party when someone idly suggest they split the tab for the purchase of a sturdier rope… *

GOD – Anyway, I suggest in this lull in proceedings we get around to officially welcoming some of our new saints !!!

* Polite clapping is heard, mainly due to the fact that some of the seated guests are relived that HE has finally stopped singing… *

GOD – Well, I’ll just step down here to Kasia… OHHH!!! *

* Crash !!! *

* HE did stumble down the stair, only to regain his composure at the last moment… then Keith Moon hit a ride cymbal… *

I dub you Saint Kasia the Patron Saint of Syncopation !!!

I charge you to go forth from here bring harmony to the world & 'jazz up' some of the neglected parts !!!

* A Golden Sword comes flying from the stage rafters attached to a rope & sandbag. GOD gives St.Peter a wink who in turn gives him a thumbs up from up high in the wings. Suddenly, multi-coloured light swirls through the air as the sword reaches its destination on Saint Kasia’s shoulder. A pair of smoking wings appear & a halo composed of tiny rotating musical clefts… *

* HE turns his attention to Lys… *

I dub you Saint Lys the Patron Saint of Asylum Seekers !!!

May you go forth and seek out those rare few who find reality a rather staid existence and invent more. You are help them to find somewhere to call home, preferably where the wild pixies roam free and where there are ten metre high electrified fences...

Oh… and protect a few foreigners as well…

* A sword dances on stray eddies of air as a set of bandaged wings sprout forth & a rather loopy round halo appears… *

GOD – Now... Can the band play ‘All that Jazz’ ???

* The entire room groans… *

* Suddenly *

* the band hastily play the Godfather theme as Don Alfredo enters... *

* HE even has to double-take... *

GOD - Oh, yes. Here is our latest applicant to be a Guardian Angel !!!

* HE ponders that 'at least joining such an angelic band will stop him eventually venturing to the 'infernal' ones 'underworld'...

I dub you Saint Don Alfredo the Patron Saint of Family Business !!!

May you go forth and teach others the secrets of shooting for better family relations !!!

*drops the empty keg of Moosehead*

Wow, I thought I'd never finish that. Sorry alicat, I can make a (flying) pig of myself sometimes. What's in the vat?

Welcome Everyone !!!

Thanks for stopping by...

Everyone seems to be gathered around the bar area here & not anywhere near the stage...

Yes, I'm afraid the P.A is quiet bad...

Now who was pouring the Tequila Slammers ???

- Simply, High Spirited.

*Hums the pink panthar theme song to himself and grows completely indifferent to the whole event.*
I have that song stuck in my head from visiting Luna/Queen of Hearts' home page.

mmmmm tequila slammers . Don't go knockin' the Pink Panther or I might have to...to...to do something really bad. so there.

oh BTW congrats to the new Saints

*enters with a large box of chocolate fudge donuts and assorted donuts*

Where d'you want these?

*jumps up to go help Joanna with the donuts* *well, in reality, was about to jump up anyway, as it was getting painfully obvious that he wasn't going to get virtually ANYWHERE with Peta... Joanna's entrance was simply, as usual, very well timed* THE DONUTS ARE HERE!!!! *relieves Joanna of as many of the boxes as possible* WOW! that was FAST! go visit "Mt Sandcastle's Apolitical Donut Stall" at http://www.h2g2.com/F26840?thread=64781 and support the WONDERFUL Joanna, who advances the interests of Donuts Everywhere! *setting boxes on the table next to the ice sculpture- what IS that square thing???- Zax* opens the top box and extracts one of his personal favorites....* triple fudge choklit with white chocolate chips and icing and chocklit sprinkles... mmmm donuts... *catches sight of a couple bottles of wing mousse that seem to have rolled under a table, and therefor were missed by the throng of angels eager to spiff up their wings* *bends to retrieve the two bottles, and furtively slips them into the deep trench pockets* Care to dance, m'lady?

Why, I'd love to, kind Sir...

I thank YOU so much for my beautiful name! It was such a breathtaking ceremony, that I lost my voice for few hours.

Now I recovered.

*puts some Tequilla bottles on the bar, as well as a 25-year-old Chivas*

Would someone like to join me for a Tequilla sunrise?

*walks in through door right on cue*

Ooooh I will!!



Hi everyone!!!

*stretches out her wings for the first time in ages* Wowww it's great to be back !

*Looks around hesitantly, then grabs the female saints and together they fly across to the stand*

Come on now.... surely we all know *It's rainin' men*???? maybe our wish will be granted....

*Tweet and FC grab the two mics, and form two singing huddles... The male saints look on in dismay, and you can see the groan about to be released from their lips....*

Tough! Clouds are gettin' low....

Hello Lisa,

*handls Lisa a Tquilla Sunrise and watches carefully how this wing-thing is going on...*

*sigh* well, I should learn that soon

*Looks unhappy but keeps playing the tune any way*

*shakes herself and realises she must be *seriously* drunk to have done that...*
*turns round to the band*
Do you guys know anything by Green Day?
*looks hopeful*
*suddenly remembers something and spins round*
*takes flight and lands next to Chrome*
Sorry bout that- serious drunkeness led me to insane singing before I could answer
I'd love to dance
*waves at Zax and FC as she makes her way to the dancefloor*

*Having finished wildly applauding the new angels, Chrome is led to the dance floor by the lovely Tweetie. He snaps his fingers at the band, and they launch into something jazzy that you can tap your feet to.*

*as he whirls Tweetie around the floor:* I'm not the Patron Saint of Bad Dancing for nothing, you know!

*Suddenly DARK GRAY bursts into the room followed by the beautiful goddess Xanthe, the lovely Sonya, and the average Mr. Patience.*

DARK GRAY: Say, now this is some party! Mind if we join? Make way to the bar!

*Goddess Xanthe walks to the bar, smiling at each of the men.*

*Sonya makes her way to the bar, smiling even wider to everyone.*

*Mr. Greenish doesn't look at anyone and just stands next to the bar.*

DARK GRAY:Whatya got to drink around here?

*looks up from dancing and thinks:*

I may not be a psychiatrist, but I know a personality disorder when I see one...