h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Zeb: Krymla, whaddya mean you're putting limitations on my books?! I've only used TWO so far: The Necronomicon and Emar's little black book. And I absolutely reserve the right to use either of them (though my possession of the Necronomicon OR my use of a celebrity guest will be announced BEFORE any "official" battles in which I plan on applying them. And I SWEAR that my use of celebrities in Emar's place will be an infrequent thing, since celebs usually have really clammy hands; Ewww, unpleasant. Also, I will always have either the Necronomicon OR the Cans of Whoopass(tm) in any official battle. However, I will not weild them both in the SAME battle, and, as I said, my possession of either will be announced beforehand.)

[Vekura] {Nobody cares. You still corrupted Mr. Rogers.}

[sea] angel decided he wanted to be a rebel and go against everything our family has stood for since the beginning of time, namely evil. so he bacame a good guy.

[evillene] he'll never be forgiven for that... we're going through the disownment proceedings as we speak.

Zeb: YES!! THAT'S RIGHT, I CORRUPTED MR. ROGERS, I ADMIT IT!! AND I'D DO IT AGAIN, TOO!! MUHUHUHUHUHWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!



Emar: But if you don't believe that was the REAL Rogers, than you have three possible scenarios...

Scenario #1: That was Mr. Rogers' evil doppleganger. But this idea must be discarded, as he lacked glowing red eyes, or other features indicative of an evil changeling spirit.

Scenario #2: It wasn't Rogers, but in fact a liquid-metal android from the future. If that was the case, though, why didn't he morph lots of cool weapons out of his arm.

Scenario #3: It WAS Mr. Rogers, but the one from Bizarro World.


...actually, that last one is a distinct possibility.





Zeb: Oh, and by the way, Mewtwos, I didn't expect YOU to care about all that stuff I said to Krymla. That was for HIS benfit. I don't mind that you overheard it (I mean, if I really cared about secrecy, I wouldn't post on the superheroes' initiation forum, would I?), but keep your damn opinions on inter-villain discussions to yourself, okay?

[Mewtwo] }You don't want our opinion?{

[Vekura] {Here it is anyway. They suck.}

[sea (kindergarten teacher)] children! behave! don't MAKE me get out the ruler!!!!

*evillene slaps sea*

[evillene] sorry, she forgot to take her medication this morning...

Emar: They make medication that stops people from turning into kindergarten teachers?

Zeb: And, Mewtwos, what did exactly "they" refer to in the phrase "they suck"?

[evillene] no, she bought it especially for that purpose. it's a very strange personality of hers. bizarre, really. and i think the pokemon meant villains suck. naturally, they have been misinformed, the poor things.

*evillene smacks the pokemon upside the head*

Zeb: Smack the pokemon some more! I always tenderize the critters before I eat 'em!

Emar: You EAT pokemon?

Zeb: Hell yeah! I wrote an entire cookbook on how to prepare the various types. For instance, did you know that the best meat on a Mewtwo is actually its brain? Ya just gotta cut open the skull, get some garlic...

Emar(quickly interrupting to avoid the topic): And what, may I ask, prompted you to do this?

Zeb: Well, during the few times I've actually seen the cartoon, I noticed that the only animals in that world seemed to be those pokemon, yet I occasionally saw humans eating meat. That got me to wondering if the creatures were edible...

...I couldn't let this question go unanswered; I HAD to do some research. GOTTA COOK 'EM ALL!!

Are they better fried or baked?

[Mewtwo glares at Zeb. He seems to be glowing slightly. A moment later, a beam of golden energy bursts from his mouth and knocks Zeb across the room. This is called "HYPER BEAM".]

*evillene smacks the pokemon again*

[evillene] so zeb, how does a mew taste?

Zeb: They taste just like chick...peas. And Mewtwo, I normally don't mind getting blasted with telekinesis, but I DON'T GIVE A CRAP THAT IT'S CALLED "HYPERBEAM"!! YOU CAN CALL YOUR BLASTS "SUSAN" FOR ALL I CARE, AND I'M FAIRLY SURE THAT ALL NON-POKEMON-FANBOYS HERE FEEL SIMILARLY!!

Emar: Don't forget Zeb, Yowuzup asked if they're better fried or baked. Personally, I like my foods fried.

Zeb: Well of course YOU'D like them fried. You live in East Tennessee, where EVERYTHING is either fried or smothered in heavy barbecue sauce. Although I suppose that would be the only way one could tolerate the taste of roadkill...

Emar: Okay, lay off the "legal to eat roadkill in Tennessee" thing. Most of us are NOT proud of it.

*NYC smacks the pokemon upside the head, simply because it seemed the "in" thing to do*

*evillene smacks NYC upside the head for being a sheep*

*evillene smacks the pokemon upside the head for being pokemon*

*evillene smacks herself upside the head for being a trendsetter*

*NYC smacks evillene upside the head because she smacked him*

*NYC smacks the pokemon upside the head for being pokemon*

*NYC smacks evillene once more because it's fun to do*

*evillene smacks NYC again and then realizes she has started a smacking war*

*smacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmacksmack...*

Zeb: I'd smack all of you, but my short arms put me at kind of a disadvantage. Curse my stumpy-puppethood!

*smack*

*smack*

*smack*

*smack*