h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You Villains have had the run of H2G2 for too long! Retribution is here! You Won't Get Away With It! Ahem.

Zeb: FINALLY! A guy who might actually provide SERIOUS resistance...at least that's what I've heard from Krymla. So, Uncle H., what skills did you bring to the party?

Uncle Heavy, good to see you! I can FINALLY use all the fat jokes I've come up with over the summer...

*NYC pulls out a loooooong sheet of paper and grins*

Zeb: So he's fat, eh?...But what super powers does he have?

The boy Heavy has many powers. Or no powers. It depends how you look at it. Think of him as an amalgamation of Clint Eastwood, James Bond and Wolverine.

It pains me to say that I didn't think of any jokes about you, NYC. I didnt, in fact, think of you at all. Not even a little bit.

And, as I think we have established, I am not fat. Mummy says I'm just big boned.

And Zeb, I am one of the original heroes. A bit like Jean Grey. Although, for obvious reasons, not EXACTLY the same.

<...while Uncle Heavy is distracted, busily answering questions, Zeb chooses this moment to leap upon him and latch onto his face...>

Zeb(talking with full mouth, since he is biting repeatedly): YAAAAARRRGGHHHthhtpbt...!! FEELthp... MYbbtp... WRATHthlgh... HEROthngnt...!!

*sea falls to the floor laughing at zeb and uncle heavy, who is screaming shrilly*

*evillene grins and kicks uncle heavy in the shin*

*angel looks at uncle heavy, and decides to keep evillene off of him instead of risking his fingers trying to help*

*angel and evillene start fighting*

*smack*

*slap*

*punch*

*kick*

*NYC joins the fray*

now which side was I on? no matter...

*punch*

*whap*

*smack*

*kick*

*crash*

*Rushing around with Zeb mercilessly clutching his nose, the boy heavy hits a wall, causing whatever it is to fall off.*

I thought I said Dont Touch The Face. Oh no, different forum. But dont touch the face. You made me bleed.

*Spinning round, he cuffs NYC who whimpers a bit and collapses. Probably at the sight of the blood.*

*evillene looks up from her brawl with angel*

[evillene] wow, look at the crack in the wall!!!!!

*evillene and angel resume their fight*

Zeb(recovering from being slammed into wall): ...owww...Man, and I was just about to implant him with a killer extraterrestrial embryo, too...

Emar(also recovering, as he was forced to hang on during Zeb's attack): ...ouch...Zeb, you're not a Face-Hugger from "Alien," okay?You don't HAVE killer embryos.

Zeb: Whatever...

Hello, Heavy. Nice to see you again. I must apologize for the rude behavior of my minions (fighting in one of your initiation forums). However, it's been a while since I've had a good struggle against a hero (unless you count Affy).

*KL snaps his fingers, and the two Gecko Warriors from the original Celery forum come in, and assemble a battle arena. KL enters*

Okay, Uncle Heavy. If you want a fight, I'll give one to you. Shall we play by the rules that have governed hero/villain battles for ages (not kicking each other while the other is down, not attacking an unarmed person, etc.), or shall we play dirty? Oh, wait, I'm assuming that you know the rules of continuity right? Good...

*Several claws come out of KL's hands, and his tounge zips in and out, hungrily*

[Mewtwo] }Good, a Good Guy's back.{

[Vekura] {We want to join CHOPPERS, etc.}

damn, I hate it when I forget the popcorn!

[Mewtwo nails some bad guys using PSYCHIC. The effectiveness of their nonphysical attacks decreases, and also makes them more vulnerable to anyone else's nonphysical attacks]

[By "them", I meant the bad guys Mewtwo hit]

don't mess with my mind you good-doers

*With a hiss, adamantium claws slide from Uncle's wrists. He bows to KL.*

'We'll play it how ever you want to play it. I'm game'

*He adopts a fighting stance*

'Bring it on'

Zeb: THAT'S IT!! I got a score to settle with these Pokemon-lovin' FREAKS...!!



<...then pulls out an ancient, musty, tome...>

Emar: Wait a minute, Zeb! You can't use the Necronomicon in this forum, since you left it behind, remember? Krymla told us not to violate continuity.

Zeb: This ain't the Necronomicon, circus-boy. It's the Book of Eibon.

Emar: WHAT?!! YOU CAN'T JUST WHIP OUT A NEW TOME OF DARK MAGIC WHENEVER YOU FEEL LIKE IT!! STICK TO CONTINUITY, YOU JERK!!

Zeb: Quiet you...

<...Zeb opens large book to desired page...>

<...then immediately slams the book closed, and proceeds to beat Mewtwo over the head with large, hardbound, and extremely heavy volume.>

Emar: Well, I guess if you only use it as a bludgeoning instrument, then THAT'S okay...

Zeb(still repeatedly hitting the psychic-cat-thingy): Exactly. I'm perfectly within my bounds!