h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Giguschild takes advantage of the confusion to somersault up and, Wudan style, kick himself off the cieling in a twirling dive at sea, blade first. Knowing she will dodge to the side, he kicks out a leg, catching her full in the arm and knocking her to the floor. He lands sprinting, and uses his momentum to run onto and along the wall and around behind her. Stabbing out, he slams the flat of his tail against her jugular...the gas continues to rise.

UH: Ha! I'm back after temporal instability which caused you all to forget my existence! But I have returned! And +++insert heroic comment here+++! So there! And now we are more numerous, we outnumber you! And we will revenge ourselves for the disasterous fish!

*unsheathes claws. realises that the gas is up to his waist*

Uhh...what's this gas?

[Fully human once again]
Thank goodness for that!

Tangent Girl- welcome on board!
Stickle bricks? Really!? Bring 'em on in! And those big monster thingies as well...


So the gas is escaping out the window, right? We're okay?

Yes, the gas is siphoning out of the window thanks to some handy tool from my Belt of Power. So it might be cloudy, but we'll all survive.


Haiku Girl and Poetry Woman huddle for a few moments to debate strategy and then surround sea from both sides. And, like a well trained tag team, they start to alternate lines of the worst doggerel you've heard for a while.

sea you're stumped so give in now
Or else we'll kick you, wham, bam, pow!
Villains will never win the day
Watch the gas all drain away!


Its effect is hypnotic, as it continues on and on, leaving its victim standing with glazed eyes, in a trance-like stupour.

oh, that's it!

*NYC, down but not out, sets his shoulder-mounted howitzer up, and fires a salvo at Haiku Girl. She cleverly puts up her shield in the path of the projectile, but lo and behold! things like high-calibre shells can't be deflected so easily! her shield gets severly dented, and HK in turn dents the far wall opposite NYC. Sea is broken from the trance...*

You annoying literary dolts! Why must you make things so difficult?!

*NYC almost forgets putting on a gas mask (which, by the way, looks very intimidating when coupled with a shoulder-mounted howitzer, but then again, NYC is known to have quite a large ego anyway), and fires three more salvos at Poetry Woman*

Poetry Woman engages the forcefield of Literary taste, which gets quite a beating with all those bullets; but fortunately, holds. She throws the Shield of Dissonance at a handily-placed (heavy) light fitting) over NYC's head, severing the cord, and bringing it crashing down.... AIMED RIGHT AT HIM!!!!!

She leans over to Haiku Girl and murmurs "I'm getting tired of being called a 'literary dolt', aren't you?

[GS] Damn, that move was supposed to temporarily incapacitate her, causing her to fall to the ground and suffocate in NYC's gas (as it were). Ah well.

Giguschild, standing behind sea, flashes the blade in a handily positioned light source and swipes down, nicking the back of her thigh.

Oops.

[paraphrase]

Xenomorphs, no less liquid than their shadows,
Offer no angle to the wind.
They slip, diminished, neat, through loopholes
Less than themselves; will not be pinned

To rules or routes for journeys; counter
attack with non-resistance; twist
Enticing through their curving fingers
And leave an angered, empty fist.

They wait, obseqious as darkness
Quick to retire, quick to return;
Admit no aim or ethics; flatter
with eviscerations; will not learn

To ever die completely; seldom
Truly dead till shot and cindered
Aliens, no less liquid than their shadows,
Offer no angles to the wind.

HG picks herself off the ground, and dusts herself down. Thank goodness for wrinkle-free fabrics. Her cape and spiffy swirly red skirt look as if she'd just donned them.

She nods to Poetry Woman.

"You'd think these villains
Could find some more novel form
Of insult, n'est-ce pas?"

And, unleashing her Blades of Brevity, she hurls a stream of small, sharp daggers in NYC Student's direction.

*sea, upon noticing that the librarian wannabes have turned their attention from her (but are still standing on both sides of her) performs a rather impressive split kick, catching each of the "Future Librarians of the World" members unprepared. both are knocked down. before gigus realizes what is happening, sea ducks down and scuttles away between his legs. the shocked xenomorph looks at her through his legs as she jumps up and kicks him in the back, causing him to somersault into the wall. sea darts over to NYC and heals him before the card-carrying "Saturday Night Library Visitors Club" members can react*

*Tangent Girl almost chokes upon her popcorn as she laughs, then applauds Sea loudly, throwing stickle bricks at her TV screen and jeering the heroes, regretting her premature $2000 wager on them winning* YAY! Go villains!!

Giguschild lands against the wall feet first and, sticking his claws into the wall, runs along it and towards Tangent Girl. With a snap of jaws he leaps at her, blade flashing down...

Inkwash foolishly steps into the path of the slavering, blade-wielding xenomorph with a confused (and S***-scared) look on his face

"Woah there! I know I've not been too hot on getting this kind of thing right recently, but I think you and Tangent Girl are both on CHOPPERS (at least TG will be when she hears about our medical coverage, Christmas bonusses, company car and paid holiday leave) so..."

(Is bowled over sideways as Giguschild finally connects, and Xenomorpgh, green-clad hero, TV spectator and TV all pile up against the far wall)

And complementary shower gel!

*the light fixture comes crashing down, skewing NYC's view of the situation and catching him totally unprepared for the slew of daggers to come. They THOCK into the wall, thankfully missing any vital organs, but the daggers pin NYC to the wall via his coat (which already has been sliced by a machete, shot full of holes, and painted blue). NYC struggles to free himself and is successful, by ripping his coat off, to reveal... another coat. PW and HG are a bit startled. Sea stares in amazement. If evillene were here, she'd be jealous*

What? I buy 'em in packs of ten. They're half-way disposable, they way YOU treat 'em.

*NYC selects another machete from the inner-lining of his new coat, and starts after Haiku Girl*

[Giguschild] Why, I do beg your pardon! I'm terribly sorry! I thought that you had already joined STUMPED. Allow me to treat you to a year's supply of ice-cream, on me.

Now, where was I...oh yesss...

*Giguschild draws a shuriken from it's housing on his scabbard and flings it at sea.*

*sea ducks at the last moment. the shuriken slices off a tiny bit of hair*

[sea] oooooh... not the hair again! hey, tangent girl! we get really big paychecks and unlimited credit on our membership cards! not to mention the fact that we get to be evil all the time, and we get better wardrobes! (no tights over here! haha!)

*sea inspects the shuriken, then flings it back at the xenomorph*

Poetry Woman reels from the kick, but (after all these postings) recovers. She watches NYC concentrate on her sidekick, and seem to forget all together that she is a threat. She does one of those impressive cartwheel/roundoff/backflip combinations, managing to snatch the machete out of NYC's hands as she does so. She then (mid-backflip), hurls that same machete at sea, and when sea turns around, she innocently points at NYC.

Ending up at the edge of the room, she murmurs to Uncle Heavy "Gee, I'm glad I watched the Matrix all those times."

Haiku Girl sighs in relief as PW removes that nasty machete which NYC Student was approaching with.

This lack of threatening weaponry leaves her free to demonstrate her "I've watched Xena too" manouvers, as she high kicks, throws and generally hurls NYC around the room, leaving him stunned and dazed on the floor.

"What was that about librarians?" she mutters, as she turns her attentions - and her Blades of Brevity - towards sea...

*NYC, on the floor, take out three throwing knives and hurls them in Haiku Girl's direction as she advances towards sea. He then gets up and runs at Poetry Woman. Poetry Woman, despite having two shields with which to protect her, doesn't have too many offensive capabilities except for her poetry. NYC, on the other hand, when he's angry enough (and he is) IS an offensive weapon, as Poetry Woman will soon find to her dismay*

[NYC] YAAAAAAA! *CRASH*

*smack tackle kick*

*punch flip THUD*

*BASHBASHBASHBASHBASH*