h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Good, because I don't! You can have the lot, I'm sticking to and .

* lies back to sunbathe *

And why not.

<BB<

*stumbles onto the beach wearing a black and white cow pattern fun fur bikini complete with matching high heeled stilleto's - most inappropriate for walking on the beach. The Bikini top is massively over-stuffed with tissue paper making it difficult for Red Dog to see over the top. His fur is backcombed giving him a slightly dated bouffant appearance*

*walks a few steps, stops and poses, walks a few more steps, does a catwalk turn, flicks hair back, walks a few more steps*



Hello everyone, my name is Red Dog and I love animals, little children and poor people overseas

[Mackenzie] Well we haven't got any of that over here.

Hello, Red Dog.

* he studies Red Dog's bikini, then looks down at his own, cunning crafted from nothing at all *

Isn't that just a little overdone?

MaW - compared to your bikini any other bikini looks overdone...

Hello MaW

*looks at MaW's Bikini, then looks again, and looks some more. Then wishes he hadn't looked quite so closely*

Perhaps a trifle understated old chap. I suppose you're in the "it's not how much you've got - it's what you do with it" school of thought eh ?

* bloke strolls by wearing a radioactive atoll in a lovely colour scheme of green and white in such a way that his extremely unattractive chest hair is showing. The radiation is making his skin into a matching green colour and his hair has been dyed white. The atoll is riding a little low at the back, so he has a "plumber's crack" showing. *

* looks down *

So, you think it's a little overdone?

Not really, it's just the most comfortable bikini I could find. Straps made from nothing at all really don't rub or chafe at all, and it's certainly better than the chain-mail thong St. Seven of Nine wore a couple of years ago.

[Mackenzie] I can see how it'd be more comfortable than THAT ...

*drinking and enjoying the sun*

* MaW arches an eyebrow at Mackenzie *

Imagine if you were a man.

[pause]

[Mackenzie] Done.

*having bathed her tiny, cute elvish toes in the ocean*


Well, people always remark on the size of my feet (not to mention the shape of my toes) - how about size 36½ (US 5.5, UK 4.5) - and I'm of average length...


I wonder if there's any place where one could buy some ice-cream?

*looks around*

* MaW snaps his fingers, and a large selection of spectacular ice creams appears *

You'll note there are three of each kind - check the labels. One of them is the full indulgent version, one is the one that won't make you put on any weight, and the third will actually make you lose weight. I recommend the fattening ones - it feels far more wicked.

* he takes one, a large mound of chocolate ice cream, chocolate sauce and hazelnuts filling a very large cone. Moments later, a replacement appears in the rack where it was, so that someone else can have the same thing *

*EV drives up in his ice cream van*
Oi! I sell the ice creams around here, sonny.

Tsk, tsk... *shakes head at MaW, having tried to see the ice-creams described - but there's nothing but sand*

Sunstroke probably - after all that posing...

*turns around*

EV! Perfect timing! I'll have a pistacchio, please!

I'm not selling ice creams, I'm giving them away for free.

* he eats another one *

*hands ice-cream to Titania*

You're doing what?
You want to watch that. Things could get broken.

[Mackenzie] I'll have a ice cream ...