h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*a simple track threads its way through the grasses that have remained about waist height due to the rocky nature of the area. In the distance is a rocky outcrop*

*stops at the beginning of the path and waits for the colonel*

Ok Lieutenant, after you

Wouldn't it be a better idea for you to go first, colonel. You see you're dressed as a Jaffa, so if any Jaffa see you first they'll think that you're a messenger and pay the path no further attention.

And how do I explain you?

*thinks, then removes rifle from back, his ammo vest, takes his jacket and knife holster off, then puts the knife on under the jacket, hides his MP-7 under his jacket, and hands the colonel his zat-nicketel*

Say I'm your prisoner, so keep that ready for use.

Well done, I'm impressed, it's exactly what I would have done

*Picks up the zat and indicates Thamian to move*

According to Major Scandrea, there is a particular mineral native to this moon, it's also low gravity which will work in our advantage as long as we keep remembering that, a well aimed kick or shot will knock the jaffa on their A$$ and give us thinking time, she also said that Atum is planning on, As General O'Neill used to put it, "A huge honkin' space gun",

*Grins

so we are assuming for the moment that this is where all the action is

*Sighs*

I should get an Oscar for my performances, so far I've been a senior jaffa in Bastet's service, a present for Atum from our great God Jehovah, I live on Tatooine in a galaxy far, far way, the local Harlot and another jaffa this time in Atum's service, and that's just this week.

*Smirks*

General O'Neill discovered I had a talent for deception when he sent me to spy on Baal, I ended up as a Temple Maiden, I still have the outfit and General O'Neill still has the pictures

<>

<<"Mammy when I grow up I want to be just like Colonel Reefgirl" >>

*smiles*

The pictures colonel...?

*Blushes*

Yes he printed CCTV pictures of me coming back through the gate, said they were a reminder of the fact that I could look like a woman when I wanted too, I never lived that outfit down for as long as he was around.

*Sigh's*

He was a good man

From what I've heard you're right colonel.

*hides remainder of his equipment under a nearby bush*

Damn shame he could never find happiness

What do you mean?

*Looks shifty*

Well lot's of reasons really

His file said that he had family problems. Does that have anything to do with it?

Some I suppose

*Hastily changes the subject*

So Lieutenant what about you, you've given me the official stuff what about the unofficial

Classified. And due to the fact that the actual truth is protected by some national secrets act, even I don't know. I got found outside the Hebrides Islands and couldn't remember anything. Well, I could remember a name, and so I took that name as mine. Since I didn't have any official qualifications, joined the army as an officer in the parachute regiment, served for three years including in Afganistan and got promoted to Captain. And so I joined the SAS, scuffed up on the last test, but due to various reasons, got demoted and accepted anyway. Never served with the territorial SAS and so can't get promoted for length of service. And so 3 years and several months later I'm still stuck as a leuitenant.

Yah, you told me that official version once, now I want the UN-official version, what do you do for fun?,what;s your favourite book, TV show, song, what do you like to eat?, girlfriend?

<>