h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

So we're supposed to write ads of ourselves? *sigh* Just wait until I've got some time...

OK, something like this?

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Evil and beautiful - a combination none of the good guys can ever match. A pure creation of h2g2 - RL very seldom disturbs the work around here. Completely devoted to S.T.U.M.P.E.D. - unless something else appears to be more profitable. Combat skills trained near perfection. Master of disguise & deception. Familiar with the way of the Force - although given up using it.
Modesty and kindness are none of my vices - I am proud to be who I am.
So whether you need an assassin, an interrogator, a thief, a blackmailer, a saboteur, a smuggler, a dealer, a kidnapper or any other vicious person to do the dirty job for you - I'm the one you need.

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Feel free to modify and add a catchy name I can't come up with...
And btw - I'd very much like to come back to the Zork-thread but I have no idea where I am although I've read the backlog. Any advice??

I believe you, Lanore, and The Raven are looking for Red who beamed off into space shortly after you left. You could make a post something like this:

______________________________


This is Cpt. Black speaking. I believe that I've found Red. Please stand-by for instructions.


______________________________

Or something like that. Anyway, nice to have you back, Black.

NOTE: Backlog to be read and reacted to eventually. However, the IRL problems of returning from vacation continue to tie Red up at the moment. He is puzzled that his seems to be the only forum not called to action at Affy's page, but he needs to leave the computer, and if necessary, show up of his own accord later.

Affy just wants to point out that he didn't realize that Red was back, and would certainly have asked Red for assistance in the job that was coming up. Besides, it's the first in a series of jobs, so you'll have plenty to do later.

we're writing our own ads? this will take some thought...

for hire: evil and malicious femme fatale
she's evil, she's gorgeous, she's witty, and she's sadistic! what more could you need? she's great with diversions, she's great at confusing the enemy, and she'll laugh at your bad jokes! she can fight like a black belt in kung fu, she can seduce any man in existence, and she has killer fashion sense!!!
to hire contact soeasilyamused, aka SEA...

or something to that effect...

lol, nice ad SEA.
someone mentioned that i should come here and post my powers. so i will. and i might as well do my ad as well.

for hire: invisible woman
can sneak past security efficiently and without detection. flies. is proficient with computers. has no major morals or scruples. will do pretty much anything if the price is right. is telepathic and telekinetic, and dabbles in the fine art of mind control. has never been visible, though, you never can tell if she is really there or not. but she's loyal unless someone else will pay her better, and you can trust her as far as you can throw her (which isn't very far, since you won't be able to see how far she went). to hire, contact evillene.

what do you all think???

That's good. I'm sure Red'll put up your ads ASAP.

Howabout for me:

Sith Lord, apprenticeship completed. Will carry out any dastardly deeds for pay or for laughs. Full range of usage of the Force, a double-bladed lightsaber, and a cool starship. Will kill any and all Jedi who get involved trying to foil his plans unless paid not to. Gives the intimidating presence of Darth Vader. Tie added. Comes with a light-side Jedi rival (optional).
Starship: a Sienar Sith Infiltrator. Fully functional cloaking device, .75 past lightspeed in hyperspace, capital shields and turbolasers, and max. 200 proton torbedoes, capable of firing 8 at a time.
Lightsaber: dual red/white blade, one from each end. A "lock-on" setting prevents the blades from being switched off or on if necessary. Stun setting whacks instead of slices, and if it hits a life form, the life form is temporarily incapacitated.
The Force: all usages from the movies, the Thrawn Trilogy, the Hand of Thrawn Duology, the first half of the comic book series "Star Wars: Dark Empire", the New Jedi Order book series, and one or two little surprises.

lol, i love it darth!

Darth is a title, not a name.

And I wonder when Red's going to remember this forum...?

sorry, darth corrigible.... that's it, i'm calling you DC from now on.

No you're not. Corrigible will do.

*considers*
well... i usually get enjoyment from giving people irritating nicknames and embarrassing them......... but in your case i'll make an exception. you're welcome....

and just so you know, corrigible is difficult to spell, so if i misspell it i apologize.

Red will remember this forum when he has the time to do so. He came back from a week-long trip, and that can really be hard when you're trying to catch up on forums.

Ouch. I know the feeling.

I catched up a week ago. And I was gone longer. Just to get to say something. Bygones.

[Corrigible] Yeah. Mind my clones! They can get irritating!

[YC] What, and you can't?

~Out of Breath~
They're all up! All of them! I'm sorry, Soeasilyamused, I read your discription before I got to your ad, and by the time I got down that far, I'd already created a forum for your advertisement, based on your original discription! Funnily enough, I used the title "For Hire: Femme Fatale" which you hadn't mentioned in the discription, but which you did mention in your ad!

Corrigible, I never forgot this thread, it's just that I've been busy IRL, and had little time to update the page.

But now it's all ready! Your forum titles are as follows:

Brian Damage -- For Hire: Legendary Supervillan

Soeasilyamused -- For Hire: Femme Fatale

Icecraven -- For Hire: Evil Dampeel

Darth Noire -- For Hire: Dark Beauty
(I would have used "Femme Fatale" but I didn't want to repeat myself)

Evilene -- For Hire: Invisible Woman

Darth Corigible -- For Hire: Sith Lord

Anyone who has posted an advertisement that I did NOT notice and post on the main page, please take it up with me and we will fight to the death to see who is right.

/Red

that's really funny that you did that... and a little scary that we think alike!!!!