The Rogue's Gallery
Brought to you by S.T.U.M.P.E.D
Welcome cut throats, spies, traitors and other Bad Guy's. This is a noticeboard for S.T.U.M.P.E.D., H2G2's Villain's Syndicate. If you need to hire a no goodnick, you've come to the right place. If you are a no goodnick for hire, you too, have come to the right place. If you're a hero, well then this is just a clean, family buisness, stop harassing us! We're perfectly legit!
Those of you who are looking to hire, just start a thread below. I, The Mask of the Red Rejection eMail, the Rouge Rogue, The Scarlet Blade, shall update this page semi-regularly to keep the rogues abreast of who needs whom for what.
1. No Heros Allowed Beyond This Point
Just because we spy on you, doesn't mean you can spy on us! You're supposed to be the good guys!
2. All rogues for hire must first sign up with S.T.U.M.P.E.D.
We are a Syndicate, and non-Unionized workers will not be tolerated.
The Want Ads
Wanted: Space Going Henchmen For immediate hire, one man or woman willing to help pilot a ship. Also wanted, other space age henchmen to help botch up some heroic plans. Apply belowwith the Mask of the Red Rejection eMail .
For Hire: Masqued VillainExpreienced with
spacecrafts, skilled with a rapier, talented with most
firearms, and master of the martial art of Spork-Fu.
Comes complete with optional Nemisis.
S.T.U.M.P.E.D. certified, can work immediately. Reply
here for details.
For Hire: Evil MastermindCenturys of experience in malicious plotting. Author of seven step-by-step
plans for global domination. Weapons combat skills developed over several centuries in all known weapons, conventional and otherwise. Personal physical attributes include:poisonous venom, retractable claws, prehensile tounge (capable of strangling most people), eyes that can see in near pitch blackness, and the ability to jump over fifty feet (either straight up or forward). Knowledge of Magic, Alchemy, and mad science -- emphasis on bio-technology. "All in all, I'd say my biggest strength is plotting. Seeing the bright line between the situation now, and what I want. What's the word for that...
Manipulation! That's my primary skill." S.T.U.M.P.E.D. founder. Inquire with Krymla Leader below.
For Hire: Werewolf"My main skill is the ability to turn into a wolf at will. A big one, too. Comes in
handy when you need to scare someone down to their primeval core - one
howl at close range and they'll be needing to change underwear. I can also be pretty lethal in my wolf form (think of slavering fangs), particularly since I can still think like a human. An evil human, that is." S.T.U.M.P.E.D. certified. For more Information see Big Bad Werewolf below
For Hire: Interdementional Evil TwinTraining encompasses over a century of mercinary background, complete or near complete mastery of several martial arts including empty hand techniques as well as weapons training, and psyonic enegry manipulation. Equipment includes hand made katana and recently acquired Ghost suit (fully functional with cloaking upgrade). Special physical enhancements: neromuscular aumentation for agility, myo-polymer synthetic muscles for strenght and speed, titanium/molybdenum/tungsten enhanced skeleton, and steel-enhanced skin for durability. Title: Lord of Slantiness (inherited). For further information inquire with Evil Lord Grey Spectre within.
For Hire: Legendary SupervillanThe Infamous Brian Damage, feared by all, possesor of one mighty super-afro of immense and villanous size (list of african nations swallowed available upon request). Extremely powerful X-ray vision: can see through several inches of tissue paper on a humid day. Designer villan costume included, y-front with flowing red cape and removable plastic breast plate under which can be revealed an impressivly hairy chest. STUMPED certified. Available for immediate hire. Inquirewithin.
For Hire: Femme FataleAKA: The Mistress of All That is Dark and Evil. Storms created, powers based on weather. Can go years without a recharge. Spork-Fu, Thumbwar, Boy-Band Torture, and other devious powers included. Teleportation and shape shifting on request. Physical attributes: 5'8", Blonde Hair, Green eyes. Mini-skirt, tube top and combat boots. Black velvet cloak for concealment and cold weather operations. "Evil should never look this good". Inquire with Soeasilyamused here
UpdateSith apprenticeship completed, sith name: Darth Solent. has fully operational orange double-bladed lightsaber.
has the ability to become a kindergarten teacher
throws lightning bolts at will- has been known to destroy small planets.
recently turned into a part-vampire with impressive magical powers
has no qualms about kidnapping- see her attempt at kidnapping a presidential candidate
For Hire: Evil Dampeel. Training with all
firearms as well as Melee weapons.
Vampyric ablility's include Thaumaturgy,
strength, senses, and healing and Nighvison
amoung others. Equipment; Supreamly cool
looking black trenchcoat and matching
formfitting black kevlar/tritainium composite
body armor. Weapons range from ancient
Japanese Hand folded Katana to of course
Heat-Seeking Fishmissles, Also
hand-crafted Twin Magnums with a platinum
raven inlaid on the side. Extensive
knowledge of computers, hacking and
various torture methods. Training in various
differant martial art including but not limited
too; Drunken Boxing, supreamly drunken
boxing, REALLY Friggin Drunken boxing and
Bushido. Avialible for hire immediatly. Reply
here for details or jobs.
For Hire: Dark Beauty
Evil and beautiful - a combination none of the
good guys can ever match. A pure creation of
h2g2 - RL very seldom disturbs the work
around here. Completely devoted to
S.T.U.M.P.E.D. - unless something else
appears to be more profitable. Combat skills
trained near perfection. Master of disguise and
deception. Familiar with the way of the Force
- although given up using it.
Modesty and kindness are none of my vices -
I am proud to be who I am.
So whether you need an assassin, an
interrogator, a thief, a blackmailer, a
saboteur, a smuggler, a dealer, a kidnapper
or any other vicious person to do the dirty job
for you - I'm the one you need. Inquire with Darth Noire Below
For Hire: Invisible Womancan sneak past security efficiently and
without detection. flies. is proficient with
computers. has no major morals or
scruples. will do pretty much anything if
the price is right. is telepathic and
telekinetic, and dabbles in the fine art of
mind control. has never been visible,
though, you never can tell if she is really
there or not. but she's loyal unless
someone else will pay her better, and you
can trust her as far as you can throw her
(which isn't very far, since you won't be
able to see how far she went). to hire,
For Hire: Sith LordApprenticeship completed. Will
carry out any dastardly deeds for pay or for
laughs. Full range of usage of the Force, a
double-bladed lightsaber, and a cool
starship. Will kill any and all Jedi who get
involved trying to foil his plans unless paid
not to. Gives the intimidating presence of
Darth Vader. Tie added. Comes with a
light-side Jedi rival (optional).
Starship: a Sienar Sith Infiltrator. Fully
functional cloaking device, .75 past
lightspeed in hyperspace, capital shields
and turbolasers, and max. 200 proton
torbedoes, capable of firing 8 at a time.
Lightsaber: dual red/white blade, one from
each end. A "lock-on" setting prevents the
blades from being switched off or on if
necessary. Stun setting whacks instead of
slices, and if it hits a life form, the life form is
The Force: all usages from the movies, the
Thrawn Trilogy, the Hand of Thrawn Duology,
the first half of the comic book series "Star
Wars: Dark Empire", the New Jedi Order
book series, and one or two little surprises. Please inquire
For Hire: Enthusiastic AmateurAs an enthusiastic ametur I have many skills. I can throw knives, from a long distance, and hit 50% of the time. I can disguise myself as many people, providing they look like me. I can concoct schemes that only have one major flaw. However the reason you should hire me is that I'm enthusiastic, and I always get the job done. Well that and the fact that I can hurl lightening bolts and dissapear into thin air not to mention all of the other stuff that an accomplished evil mage can do. What do you say? I have very cheap rates.
For Hire: Evil FishSuprise your enemies! Hire RedFish to do your dirty work as they will never expect an attack from underwater!!! Infiltrate their base via the water pipes!!
All of this and more makes RedFish a perfect member of any "operation"
For Sale: Military grade weapons and spaceships. Entirely untraceable. All government markings, serial numbers, tracers, and beacons removed. Buy bulk or item by item. All transactions strictly confidential. S.T.U.M.P.E.D. affiliated outlet. Visit Hangar 41 at the H2G2 Space Centre for more details.
For Hire: For Hire: Crazed Circus
Acrobat and his Evil Puppet
Emar: A schizophrenic circus acrobat, but ironically the
voice of reason for the duo. His high-flying trapeze
skills could prove quite valuable to any employer. Not
really much of a villain himself, he nevertheless helps
his little cartoon creation Zeb carry out mad schemes.
Zeb: Formerly a cartoon character created by Emar, he
now serves as one of Emar's split personalities, and
is projected through a hand-puppet. Zeb's villany is
probably a result of his manic, firey temper. His
greatest skill lies in his ability to come up with zany,
nonsensicle solutions, yet still (sorta) preserve the
"continuity" of a fight. And let's not forget the fact that,
as a cartoon character, he will never die; He just gets
really, really hurt. References available