h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A step by step guide:

1) Find a medium-sized mountain in an out-of-the-way place. If it's at the end of a river which runs through alligator-infested rainforest, so much the better.

2) Using unspecified but highly advanced boring equipment, hollow out a baffling series of corridors and chambers from the inside of the mountain. Dispose of the rock waste somewhere surveillance satellites won't spot it (this is left as an exercise for the reader)

3) Install a nuclear reactor to use as a power source, obtaining the Uranium from your official affiliated terrorist network (the ones you'll send to die for no good reason in the closing stages of your showdown with the Good Guys)

4) Install a waste system which has large tunnels approximately twelve feet in diameter, protected only by metal grids. These will provide vital access routes for secret agents and other infiltrators.

5) Install a signature feature, a true icon of evil, in the largest room in the base. Personally, I favour a bubbling vat of acid, into which captured heroes can be slowly lowered. For an alternative, they can be made to walk the plank into it, or just pushed by a large and burly henchperson.

Uniforms (un)suitable for a mountain base would be tight cotton jumpsuits in either black or scarlet, with triangular contrasting patches on the left shoulder to signify rank.

Alternatively you could buy from...

http://villainsupply.com/index1.html

I believe thay have some good deals going


Reminds me of the Nuclear Missile Silo that was for sale on Ebay a while back.

That's nice, I guess. But the whole lair hidden in a mountain thing was ruined for me by those goody-two-shoes Tracys and their International Rescue friends. FAB

wouldn't the lair have an escape route that you could go down when the good guys infiltrate that only you would know about and what kind of animal would you have?

You've stepped in the poo on this one!!! No amount of spies or secret agents in the world could defeat you. But, and this is a big one, what about the protesters? Those tree huggers will be camped on your front lawn, picket signs and bad folk music, the scent of hairy unwashed armpits{both male AND female}waffting thru the breeze. The henchmen who do show up for work will spend more time in pursuit of the mythical hippie "free love" than actual evil, and in the end, you'll end up as a footnote on some documentary touting the demise of free enterprise. Then again, a healthy donation can always make the right eyes blind. Good luck to you sir and god bless.

I figured if I needed to escape I could just blow off the top of the mountain with some hidden explosives and fly away in a helicopter. Or, if I was feeling particularly dramatic, some sort of space shuttle.

As for the protestors, there would be no front lawn for them to camp on, as the mountain will be conveniently and improbably located in a tropical swamp.

Like THAT would deter your average Greenpeacer or seiara clubber! They'll claim there's a endangered species, the bolivian stink cricket for example, living "somwhere" close by, then it'll be nothing but bad renditions of kumbaya {as if there was a GOOD version} and the fragrance pacholli and pot on the breeze until you see the error of your ways and move on. May be you could declare them a cult, then the FBI could do the dirty work for you.

If they get too bothersome, I would just invite them inside for negotiations, and use them to test some dastardly new nerve gas or weapon on. Or possibly as power sources in a highly improbably Matrix-esque setting.