h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*waits for the doctor to return and in the meantime swabs everything down to alcohol disinfectant and makes an inventory of supplies and fills out request forms for morphine, codeine linctus, elastoplast, and field dressing packs*

< Has Anth left yet? >

Last time I saw her the doctor was viewing some cultures, however I'm sure she'll be back soon and report in all haste. She should be back in about an hour or two. We're developing a new vaccine for interplanetary influenza.

*runs to where shes ment to be*

*flings coat over a chair, grabs a cup of coffee and switches the pc on. Whilst it is churning and beeping, idly opens and closes drawers, arranges photos of important people on desk, and sticks post-it notes in the wall*

That's better.

*puts disc in and brings up personnel files*

We're missing an allergies list...

*starts rifling through drawers and files for it*

*for some reason alergies are in a file named "t.i.p" which is located next to the cake tin*

*sighs, grabs file and starts entering the information into the computer lists*

This could take a while...

*grabs another cup of coffee and taps away into the night........*

*Enters*

Hi Captain Kat, hows it going

Very quiet to be honest. Maybe people are being more careful than they used to be. I've finished sorting all the filing, and I'm just standing by for....something to happen, or the next wave of recruits who need med exams.
The day of a doctor with no patients is a day of...coffee and cake.

Well without General O'Neill and his SG-1 med bays are very quiet, Dr Fraiser used to dread them going out on missions

I heard. But then again that lot never seem to be able to do anything without causing some sort of injury to themselves. At least currently, I'm able to get on with research and study. There's always more to be learnt whatever the profession or however high you are.

I called Dr. Anthea and she said that she's in Lt Col Carter's outer office because he's in a meeting. She's practically on the edge of melting in a puddle of nerves though so hopefully he'll be finished soon.

Actually Sam Carter's a she, the same Sam Carter that was with SG-1

Anthea doesn't do meetings well

*sits down and blushes*

I think I must be tired or something. I knew she's a she but for some reason just switched off.
Would you care for a coffee ma'am, and perhaps you would spare the time to help me see how well these new cultures adhere to human skin?

Sure I don't mind at all

*Sits down*

*looks surprised and slightly nervous*

Okay, but could you sign this form please saying that it was voluntary and agreeing that the medical team carries no responsibility for any injuries or after effects caused by what you participate in. Standard proceedure you know...


*goes to the industrial sized fridge, and returns with a cool box. Upon opening it, several dishes with various colours of mould, and...an ear...can be seen*

This ear was grown on a rat and then taken off. I'm hoping to see whether the human body will accept body parts that are dissimilar to the surrounding area. You may have heard about the boy who found a tooth growing out of his foot, and the man who grew a new jawbone inside his shoulder, it's the same principle. From this I hope to be able to move on to interspecies grafting in order to equip the teams with the best possible attributes of other species and cultures.
If you're willing, I would like to attempt to grow this ear onto your arm. You will need to have a small local anesthetic so I can irritate the two different sets of skin in order to encourage them to grow together. The ear will then be bandaged and I would like to see you every day to monitor your general health before removing the bandaging after ten days to see whether the ear has grafted properly.

I'm also issuing flu vaccines to all officers, if you wouldn't mind rolling your sleeve up.

*Gulps*

Erm I'll take the flu vaccine but not the ear thank you

Oh what a shame! You'd be furthering medical science.

*breaks open a flu vaccine, swabs the colonel's arm, and injects the vaccine*

That's all. If you feel dizzy, fluey, or generally unwell then come back. I'm not expecting you to but its good to be careful.

Thanks Doc

Did you ever meet a Tok'ra called Anise? she was a scientist, she'd have liked you I think