h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

**Purr in Boots' cat-like reflexes (duh) allow him to get there first. He peers over the railing, claws extended and gripping tight, his tail swishing in anticipation, and his whiskers twitching.**

Ssoooo exciting! Come on, come on, come on...

~El Squid de Castilla has the option of using eight appendages for perambulation. He thought he would be first, but shows up a close second to Purr in Boots. He rises up on four tentacles, slapping the other four onto the handrail and leaning bodily outward so he can use his wide-set eyes to espy his streamlined Pooh Palo.~

Señor B4 was not joking. The adrenaline cursos por mis venas!

Here they are...!!! No. No. It is only leaves from something else.

~He slumps for a second, then perks up again. He leans even farther out, hoping for the first glimpse.~

^the Gander turned as soon as he released his stick^

^he flaps like mad, glides across the bridge, and lands on the top rail^

^still, he arrives third^

^his perch is initially precarious, because of his speed, then he stabilizes^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (When will they come out?)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (What's the hold-up?)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Aren't they supposed to be here by now?)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Where's my instant gratification?)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (This is worse than waiting for eggs to hatch...)

:: LARGE turns on his heel, takes one long stride (actually, 'short' for him), and stands at the opposite handrail. As before, he stands in the midst of the Contestants (save for B4, who seems be having some trouble) at the center of the Town Bridge. He doesn't need to lean; he has a bird's-eye view of the waters sliding implacably from underneath them to wend their way out to the shore. ::

This is unnerving, to be sure. I wonder what's keeping them?

:: He furrows his brow and scowls, which is not a good look on him. ::

{B4 has gotten tangled in his own feet, and fallen onto his keister. He scrambles back up and makes it to the opposite handrail (last), and wipes his hands and posterior as he stands on tip-toes to peer down at the flowing water.}

Did I miss the Pooh Sticks coming out? Who won? Who was first?

B4realizationsetsin

**Purr in Boots, who has been scanning the River for a fraction of a moment longer than the rest, speaks up.**

Nothing... Therre's nothing ssailing out ffrrom underr the Brridge... Do yeou ssupposse therre'ss a Trroll hiding below, who hass grrabbed all the Pooh Sstickss...?

**His ears flatten, and one can see the hackles at his neck standing out. His tail flicks in a nervous twitch, and he eases back from the railing just a bit.**

~El Squid de Castilla instantly draws his Sword Tizona, and it glints from the chiarascuro dapples of light falling on the Bridge through the canopy of tall trees.~

You have also El Gnomo here? I have fought and bested such criaturas in my own country. I will do so again here!

:: He turns and makes his way back to the other railing, swinging his Sword Tizona and pulling his Shield of Castille to hold in front of himself. ::

:: LARGE reaches for El Squid de Castilla's shoulder to slow him down, but has to opt for grabbing a triangular fin at the top of the cone of his head. It draws up short the armed warrior, and the glare of indignation lets Baileywick know he will likely never do this again. However, it has served the purpose of getting eye contact. ::

I humbly apologize and truly beg pawdon for my indiscretion, but you should be told we have a Water Patrol and a group of diligent Lifeguards who would never allow a Troll to take up residence near a communal area.

:: His words were not rushed, but he does now pause for a breath. Once he sees El Squid is considering the information, he states simply... ::

There must be something else wrong. Something simple.

:: He lowers his head and asks quietly... ::

I recognize there's a difference between ocean water and river water, but perhaps you could drop down and examine what is holding up the Pooh Sticks' progress...?

:: He's nodding his head as he says it, a trick he learned in his debate and psychology classes, that prompts the person addressed to (usually) follow suit. ::

**Purr in Boots turns from the downstream railing, his eyes wide.**

Wait... WHAT? Liffeguarrdss arre rressponssible fforr Trroll Rremoval...???

Bluuuuue BOT-TLE...!!!

**His cry echoes hollowly along the riverbanks.**

What have Aiy gotten meowsselff into? Aiy wonderr iff Aiy can withdrraw maiy application...?

~~El Squid de Castilla pulls away from the grip on his personal parts by the very LARGE Induhvidual, yet hears him out. The explanation, and the suggestion, seem to be valid. He squiggles forward, holding out both his beloved Sword Tizona and the icon of his heritage, the Shield of Castille. He places them in the very LARGE hands of... well, you know.~~

You will take excepcional care of these things, si? I shall not be long...

~~With that, he turns, slaps his tentacles upon the handrail, and vaults over. Those that come to the rail swiftly witness a large SPLASH at the base of the Bridge.~~

{B4 dashes back to the upstream handrail and peers over, to witness a large SPLASH at the base of the Bridge.}

Wow! He was right.

I wonder what the heck went wrong? I mean, everything leading up to this moment of finishing the Pooh Sticks Competition seemed like it was all falling into place. And now this...

B4thefinalresolution

^^the Gander watches the doings behind him, his long neck twisted around backwards^^

^^he cocks his head to one side, considering^^

^^once he makes up his mind, he speaks out^^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (I'm gonna help out, too.)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (I'll be the "eyes in the sky" as a counterpart to the Squid's "appendages in the agua.")

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Bet you didn't think I knew any Spanish...)

^^he launches himself and plummets down in a swift spiral^^

^^the Gander glides just above the flowing water, wings spread wide^^

^^he heaves upward, wings cupping air, does an inverted roll, and skims the water again^^

^^his honking voice echoes up to those on the Bridge^^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Whatever comes out first, I'll let you know...)

~~There's a thrashing of water near the pilings of the Bridge. El Squid de Castilla's conical head appears, then he uses all his tentacles to clamber up the supports by wrapping them around the pilings and hoisting himself up. Near the top, he slaps four wet tentacles over the top rail and pulls himself the last bit back onto the deck of the Bridge. It takes him a moment to recover before he relays what he's found.~~

You will not like this, but the log has become encajado en -- wedged between -- two pilings, and all the other Pooh Palos are stuck behind it.

~~He waits for a heartbeat for the information to sink in.~~

I did not wish to perturbar the situation, for fear of being accused of tampering, but we will not see the end of this Competencia de Palitos de Pooh unless we take measures to libertar the log.

~~He runs his tentacles along and down various parts of his body, sluicing away the last of the water. When he is sufficiently dry, he steps up to LARGE and holds out two appendages.~~

Muchas gracias for the safekeeping of my things, Señor Gigante.

~~He takes them back and slings them appropriately.~~

Great...! Just Great...! Now what are we gonna do?

B4wehave2scrapthewholething&gohome

Yeou don't plan thingss verry well, do yeou?

**Purr in Boots shakes his head. When his gaze meets B4's, there's a wicked gleam of mirth in his eyes.**

Perrhapss yeou'd betterr keep yeour 'day job.' Hss-hsss-hss-hss-hsssss...

:: LARGE moves to the exact center of the top of the Bridge. He then sweeps his arms in a wide circle, indicating he wants everyone to clear away. ::

Beg your pawdon, Gentlemen, but would you do me the favor of affording me space so I can attempt a remedy? I must highly recommend that each of you step to the downstream railing and hang on tightly, as if your life depended upon it.

:: He waits for B4, El Squid de Castilla, and Purr in Boots to comply. Once they are stationed along the downstream side, clutching the handrail, he poises himself by hunkering down. ::

Whatever happens, do NOT let go...

:: Like an Icelandic geyser, Baileywick suddenly flings himself upward, much higher than anyone would consider feasible, given his sheer size. There is no arc to his spring; he goes aloft straight and true, and comes down in like fashion. He lands squarely -- HARD -- on the very center of the deck of the Bridge... and it ~~S~H~U~D~D~E~R~S~~ from the impact. He performs the Jump and Thump five times in quick succession. It takes every bit of strength they have for the other Contestants to keep from being flung off the Bridge. Baileywick stops, and walks to the same side as the rest of the folks, gazing down to the River's surface. The structure creaks under his weight. ::

^^the concussion of sound from the Bridge alters the Gander's flight path^^

^^he swoops upward and yells at the LARGE Induhvidual^^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (What..)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (...the...)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (...heck...)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (...are...)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (...you...)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (...doing?)

^^having vented, he regains his focus, and swoops back down to the pilings^^

^^his flight path skims low once, then twice^^

^^on the third pass, he circles near the center of the River^^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (H-E-Y...!!!)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Something happened...!)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (They all broke free and...)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (We have a WINNER...!!!)

^^the Gander skims low and snatches the lead Pooh Stick out of the River^^

^^he wings his way upward, while the also-ran Pooh Sticks carry on floating downstream^^

^^receding into the distance are: a pointy 'peace sign', a large log, an 'all natural' twig, and a wrist-sized Pooh Stick^^

^^the Gander lands on the downstream handrail and asks^^

HONK! Honkity-honk-ho-HONK! (Oos Ooo Ick ids dis?)

^^he spits it out and it lands at B4's feet^^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Who's Pooh Stick is this?)

Oh. Wow! That's mine...

Yeah, that's mine.

I won... I Won... Hey, I'll be danged... I WON...!!!

{B4 steps forward and gives the Gander a great big bear hug, ruffling his feathers. He turns and shakes hands (paws) with Purr and cuffs him on the shoulder. For Baileywick, he uses both hands to shake his one LARGE hand, very slowly and with deliberation. He then reaches for El Squid, who performs what can only be termed as a "secret handshake" reserved for B4, wherein he slings each tentacle forward to a different location and orientation, while B4 slaps / taps / shakes each one in turn, then they both end the sequence with a rousing bellowed chorus of...}

HUZZAH...!

B4icomedownfromtheadrenalinehigh

^^standing on the rail, the Gander extends his right wing and points at B4^^

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Congratulations!)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (You're a good egg.)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (Thanks for having me along for this adventure...)

QUACK! Quackity-quack-qua-QUACK! (I've got to go soon... other commitments and all... so... I'll need to jet...)

:: LARGE stands up straighter and draws in a breath. He smiles and nods. ::

Well done, Master B4. Well done, indeed.

:: His gaze rises up to scan something in the distance, then he looks at B4 again. ::

I, too, have responsibilities pending. If you'll beggin my pawdon, Sir, I'll be off to the Theater to check on re-employment... and I may check back at the Atelier to see if the serving bots need regular maintenance breaks, where I could fill in for a bit...

:: A look of wistfulness passes over his features, quickly replaced by his 'all business' demeanor and his trademark MASSIVE SMILE. ::