h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*emerges from private apartments and stops to rub Mindspring's stomach as she lies on her back in front of the fire*

Good morning everybody and welcome, Plum. I'm just stopping by now; it being a Saturday, I spend most of the day and evening "IRL" (in real life), but I'll be back about 10 pm east coast time and I'll be around all tomorrow, more or less, if you'd care to get acquainted.

Minoova was once a robot that I invented, with lots of help from my landlords, who are deeply involved in techie stuff. We called her Minoova when she was converted from a cleaning bot to a maid-of-all-work. But unfortunately someone literally hijacked her identity and caused her to start acting in a bizarre, substandard and discontinuous manner. So we had to drive out the impostor. And give up having a Minoova.

We really don't have a bouncer, although some fine securibots are available from the lab downstairs. The lads are building me a new maid and I hope we never have such unpleasant scenes in the salon again!

And that's the story of Minoova.

Now tell us about yourself!

*gets some OJ and a donut and invites everone on to the veranda*

*One of the techie landlords walks up the stairs*

Hello, all!

*Looks around, and sees that everyone went to the veranda. Walks to the veranda*

Hello, all!

*joining the others on the veranda, with a glass of Y in her hand*

Hi all!

Lil, would you like me to help plant Violet in a bigger pot? After all, I guess I'm the cause for it...

*amazed at how much Violet's been growing lately*

*brings in cornbread and salsa*

Mmm... chili.

A man with a hangover sits in the corner eating a banana while reading the Sunday paper. Hmmm, this sounds interesting.

YOUR LIFE AS A GORILLA.
Who among us hasn't wondered what sort of gorilla we'd make? Well, we can help you answer that gnawing question once and for all.
http://www.discovery.com/ex/ad/newsletter/area/nature/gorillas/gorillas.html

G'morning all.

"TAZ (The Adventurer)
You're the inquisitive, adventourus type - the one who's climbing to the highest tree limbs in search of an escape route while your buddies are lounging around picking at breakfast leaftovers.

14% of the people who have taken this quiz are also like you and Taz"

...is that really me?

So what kind of a gorilla are you, Loony?

Arrrggghhhh! Just tried to finish my article on Flamenco Dance, and every adjustment and addition I made just disappeared! I can't believe it! #¤^§!

Ivan, the shy, retiring type.

This 35-year-old lowland silverback was born in the Congo but at a very early age was sent off to the States, where he became a member of a human family. Ivan slept in a crib, rode the back of a motorcycle and chowed down on cheeseburgers until his burgeoning adolescent size and strength made such tête-à-têtes risky business. Ivan was subsequently moved to a now-defunct Tacoma, Wash., discount shopping mall, where he spent 27 solo years ogled by curious passersby. In late 1994, the lean, muscular great ape moved to Zoo Atlanta's rain forest exhibit, where he was reintroduced to the company of other nonhuman primates. Since then, Ivan has made slow strides learning gorilla customs, behaviors and etiquette. Most baffling to him, it appears, are the mysteries of procreation, so the aging bachelor spends his nights curled up alone on a bed of hay, while two eligible roommates, Kinyani and Shamba, lie endlessly in wait.

Titanaia, as my old boss used to rave at me all the time. "Always safe your work." Of course I never did.

Guess which gorilla-profile is mine, everybody.

lt's lvan.

Same as Looney.

Huh.

*makes herself a Manhattan (short on vermouth) and settles down on the couch*

*jumps up suddenly*

Oo. l almost forgot!

*darts off somewhere*

Odra, welcome to the zoo. Banana?

*pops back in, depositing a six pack each of Corona, Dos Equis (or however you spell it) and the Obscure Canadian Beer, to go with the chilli, and a bottle of tequila, El Tesoro de Don Felipe, Muy Añejo, just 'cause*

Bananas?
Daquiris! Of course!

*pops back out again*
*then pops back in*

Eh. We can make those the nonalcoholic option.
*settles back on couch again, with Diogenes in tow*

*comes in with shopping bag of Baskin Robbins ice cream tubs*

Hallo everybody! I put the chili on the Very Slow Cooker so we can eat right away. Ammmpton! Ah. Please be butler and drink server tonight until the new staff member is commissioned.

Shall we eat on the veranda again? And club at the Hotel Chrome? I saw Space Cowboys this afternoon and had a great time. Clint Eastwood, Tommy Lee Jones, Donald Sutherland and James Garner -- as well as Bob Cromwell -- all together!! Funny movie with jeopardy.

Hiya Lil.

*glances at bags with great interest*
lce cream? Mm.
Veranda sounds nice to me...
*takes the drinks out to the veranda, sits down with the cat, to whom she gives the maraschino cherry from her cocktail*

A Gordon's gin with double dubonnet as an aparitif please Ampton - yes make it exactly as Britain's Queen Mother has hers.

Moves to the veranda. Nice night for it ladies.

Personally, I have a weakness for BR's pralines and cream flavour *putting ice cream tubs in freezer* but I wanted to account for all tastes so I also got strawberry cheesecake and butter pecan and triple chocolate fudge brownie ripple flavours. *stacking* Oh and here's a pint of mint chocolate chip, and bubble gum flavour. That looked sort of interesting.

*puts rice on to steam and swiftly shreds lettuce for salad* Ah, Sporky's cornbread as promised. Shall we heat it or eat it cold?

*trots in to inspect icecream*

Hmm. Heat half, leave half cold, and cover all bases?
Anything l can do to assist with the salad at all?

*has been crouching behind bag of ice creams, making his feet cold*
*waits for Odra to turn and look at Food Lady then leaps through the air and lands on Odra's back with cold feet on her ears*

heh heh heh heh heh *giggling*

YEEEK!

*yelps in shock and rockets into the air like a pheasant, accidentally upsetting the salad bowl. Lands gracelessly in a heap on the floor, shredded lettuce raining down like confetti*