h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Affy! Where's that snow cannon?!

*Sends a stream of flame at the trying to attack Toasty*

Careful, Toasty, don't get in the way of the flame!

*thinks about acquiring a second weapon that doesn't require two hands*

Affi, is there some way we can get into CLI the back way off this road? That Amos can drive the wagon through?

*has a momentary sense of weightlessness*


that the monsters can't get in??

*Affy4 is bitten by the rabbit, but this means that the rabbit is close enough for Affy4 to pummel with his other fist. He doesn't even seem to notice the wound*

*Affy5, meanwhile, heard Lil's question about the a back road. He looks around to get a fix on where they are, and notices the two large flying monsters that have replaced the horses at the front of the wagon. He quickly begins tapping on his watch*

Affy5-Lil, there's one way....I'm just hoping that those wildly gallopping night mares up there are in a blind fury or rage or something and won't rear up in surprise. Let's see, someone mentioned the snow cannon....

*Affy5 triumphantly hits a final button on his watch and a distant "BOOOOM" can be heard from closer to the top of Mt. SandEverest. A few moments later, a giant 40-ton snowball lands a few hundred yards before a curve in the path. The crushing action of the impact on the snowball causes it to develop a definite upward curve*

Amos! That snow should stay pretty compact for just long enough! If these horses can get enough distance through the air, we can use that giant snowball as a ramp! Going at the rate that we're going now, we might be able to clear the last few trees, and land in the Crater proper outside of the Forest! These rabbits, fast as they are, can't get nearly that kind of air distance if they try to follow, and the trees surrounding the forrest are so thick that it'll take the rabbits a good long time to find a way out of the forest and into CLI's grounds. That'll give us the time that we need to park the wagon and get to the Atelier, and me the time I need to turn CLI's security systems onto a Red Alert! Just try to keep these horses running steady and quickly so that these killer rabbits don't finish us off!

*gets out the healthstone and crawls over to Affi, who doesn't seem to notice that he's bleeding*

*applies the stone directly to the wound*

*Loads another bolt and fires at the nearest rabbit, catching it in the ear.*

Hey look! Killer Rabbits wear earrings!

*Affy4 avoids Lil's stone*

Affy4-Lady Lil, as much as I appreciate your attempted healing spell, those should be reserved either for mid-battle emergencies or for post-battle rests. This rabbit bite certainly isn't dangerous to my health, nor is it hampering my progress.

Keep in mind, not even magic can be used indefinitely. It may take centuries, or thousands of years, but that stone you wear will eventually lose its strength if some method of recharging does not occur. I would hate to be the reason for the stones ultimate depletion.

*still sending bursts of flame at the nearest her, who is beginning to back off now his whiskers are singed*

You are uspposed to put crystals out in a bowl of salt water under a new moon to recharge them, I wonder if it would work with the healthstone?



Or is it a full ?

*the wagon is now on a straight downward slope to the edge of the forest, and only 30 degrees of turn will be necessary for the team to nail the ramp*

*Amos urges the nightmares into a hand gallop down the slope*

*meanwhile, the killer rabbit shakes the bolt out of his ear and thumps the wagon hard on the side with a hind foot, stoving it in under the edge. The lip of the wagon holds firm, but hay begins spraying out*

*the whole wagon tilts with the force of the blow*

YAAAAA-A-A-A-A-A-A!

*at Amos's shout the monster horses pin back their rabbit ears, bare their fangs and surge forward even faster, pulling the wagon back down on all 4 wheels*

Hold tight! We're turning right soon!

*lurches across the wagon, nearly losing the healthstone*

*there is the sound of teacups breaking*

*Affy5 holds tight as he swings at another killer rabbit*

Maybe this is because Minos has been gone for a while. He had been training some of these rabbits as attack animals for his armies, and without being there to keep them under control maybe they went stir crazy.

*Watches the oncoming ramp nervously*

*holds on tight, knuckles whitening*

*clings on to the side of the wagon*

I knew we should have used my melamine things! I hope Matina won't be

HAW!!!!!!

*Amos shouts the command and pulls on the reins with all his might. Bonnie and Clyde respond, digging their long claws into the snow for traction as they turn up the ramp*

*Amos pulls the whip out of its holder and gives a mighty crack over their heads, which drives them rightly bonkers, because Amos never uses that whip on his prized Clydesdales.. until this moment*

*screaming hoarsely, both animals extend their wings, clamp down on the bit and surge ahead in a wondrous burst of strength --

and when they run out of snow they just keep going upward*

*Amos mutters a few words and the wagon maintains a proper attitude as it is pulled behind*

*Amos turns to the Affis* Now what, sirs?

*Affy4 is trying to climb out of the wagon to get back to his fight with the rabbits, but Affy5 is holding him back. They exchange a few words, such as "experience", "endurance", "hunting", "property damage", and "antiquing", but the context can't really be made out. Affy4 eventually just slumps down depressed and Affy5 turns to Amos*

Affy5-Well, I actually hadn't though this far ahead. I mean,....okay, we're now beyond the trees, and have just passed the rim of The Crater thanks to the speed that these night mares have in the air, but....I've got no idea how to make them land on the ground gracefully. I mean, we were a good five feet above the tree tops, and then there stopped being trees, and then the ground began to rapidly descend as we got closer to The Crater, so we're a few stories in the air now....

*Looks back at the forest, thinking*

It's possible that we could maintain this until we got to the roof of CLI's main center. We'd only be five or ten feet above the roof of the Atelier.

It's also possible that we would descend as the horses slowed down, but I've got no idea how rapidly that would occur.

Throw another snowcannonball, Affi! All you need to do is calculate our arc of descent and put one there so we can ramp back down.

*peers over the edge of the wagon* Oh wow, you can see the whole village down there -- and the lights of Collective City over on the mainland...

How about this? {shouts Toasty above the wind whistling in everyone's ears} I saw this done in a comic book one time!

{He leans out over the rail of the wagon, mashing his snow-rounded body against the wooden planks. Stretching his limbs forth, he gestures forward as if trying to push something outward.}

I wonder if this'll actually work, what with this odd new form and all...

{A white spray of snow and ice leaps from his twigs, shooting just below and in front of the Clydesdales' course. It forms into a frozen sheet of considerable thickness and arcs downward at an easy slope that would afford a wide enough path for the horses to navigate to the ground.}

YeeeeeHaaaa! Oh, this Ultimately COOL!

But where does it go??

And will there be anything left of Toasty by the time we hit ground? And if not, how will we get B4 back?

*Looks ahead and looks at Toasty*

Well, it goes down and a safe angle, and probably goes all the way to the safety of the carter's floor. As for Toasty....well, this may very well be a good way to get B4 back, but if not there should still be enough left of him that we can just pack new snow back onto him once we're on the ground.