h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

, Marv

FG, I need to know more. You said in the past this woman has outright refused to bring anything. What was her excuse? Why does she feel entitled to take if she doesn't contribute?

I'd be tempted to hang a banner in the serving area... All Welcome Excepting Ms. Idiot.

[ltp] .

Or slip a little ex-lax into her food.

What do you mean you got food poisoning? Nobody else got sick.

[Affy]

Ben, My mother is still really wrecked over it. My sister is as well. I am numb. It's difficult sometimes because I am and always have been the lone wolf in teh family, needing a little more space and time alone.

My sister thinks that I hate her and I don't know what my mom thinks. It's been difficult. I feel like I am not doing sometihng that I should be doing but I can't think of anything that would either be appropriate or that I could do... It's a challenge.

The person who has been the biggest help to me is my friend J who lost his fater this summer. He knows exactly what I am going through and has been nothing but helpfull.

I don't really know what to do or think at the moment.

Marv.

I have been thinking a lot about your and your family over these last few days..

Blimey. How old was your father, Marv? How unexpected was it?

The problem with family berevement is that everyone is grieving. That's why friends are so important at times like this - they are there for you, without having to deal with their own s**t at the same time.

Hmmmm.

Why does your sister think you hate her? (Do you hate her?)

Ben

Marv, try to spend as much time with your mom and sister as possible. Even if you aren't ~doing~ anything, being there lets them know you are available to them. You will have to go back to NC soon, so make the best use of the time.

I poked around the local newspaper websites and saw a picture of your dad. Striking family resemblence.

Marv, you and your family have been on my mind also. I hope you remember to rest and not get totally worn out. And just take it one day at a time.

I have a probably stupid question for the UK folk. I remember when caer adopted Cassie. And now Ben is having this long wait to pick up her Tiger and Curly. And you talk about going to visit pets before they let you bring them home. This seems pretty extreme to me. Is it really that hard to adopt a cat?

Here, if you want a cat that is in the pound or a shelter of some kind, you just show up with whtever fee they are asking, promise to take the cat to be spayed or nutered if they need that and take them home with you. Instant kitty.

Oooh no-no-no-no-no that wouldn't do at ALL, Hypatia.

I'm adopting privately, as it were, but if you adopt from a charity they visit your home to check you out. Z had a discussion with the Animal Behavourist who explained that Timmy was not a boy cat and not a girl cat.

I think the cat remains the charity's for a certain amount of time and they can claim it back if they think you are mistreating it.

They put a lot of effort into finding the right sort of home, taking into account children, other cats, dogs, main roads, and so on. Likewise if you adopt a dog and you already have a dog or dogs, then you have to bring your existing dogs to the pound so that the dogs can meet and play together.

It all boils down to wanting to make rehoming a pet stick - do it right, do it once. It gives people confidence in taking their animal to the charities.

Ben

All animal charities spay or neuter animals before rehoming here. Or all reputable ones do. They are wormed and flea-powdered and inocculated as well.

B

When I adopted Timmy I had to have an interview with the Blue Cross, an home visit from them, and visit him twice in the shelter to prove that I was committed.

They did the neutering and microchiping for me.

The cat adoption organisations what to place a cat with someone who can provide it with a home for life and not someone who will bring him back.

Seems a much better system than here.

The shelter in my area is a private non-profit organization. You have to fill out a questionnaire about current and previous pets and I think they even contact your vet if you already have one. You have to sign a contract promising to spay/neuter, too.

Some years ago I had to do it the other way round and rehome a pet, albeit a dog through the breed society rather than through one of the charities.

They treated me like I was of less value than the poo they wiped from their feet when out walking.

When I had to find a home for Archer and Aitken it put a strain on my relationship with my friend who bred them. It was the right thing to do, and they were a mistake.. I allowed my enthusiasm for changing my life to run ahead of itself. *hangs head in shame*

B

Witty, our no-potluck lady has two excuses: "I live out of town" (ten miles away) and "I don't want to".

We have two animal shelters here. The one operated by the county is more lenient than the one operated by the Humane Society. The Humane Society all but does a criminal background check on their applicants for pets.

Has anyone tried asking her for drinks? Maybe she can't cook and is embarrassed?

B

> It's difficult sometimes because I am and always have been the lone wolf in teh family, needing a little more space and time alone.

Marv, from my own experience, I can tell you that grief doesn't always bring a family together. It can test relationships that you thought were rock-solid. After my sister's death, my parents were at it hammer and tongs for about a year. I think they blamed each other.

Now Mom wants to talk about it, and Dad doesn't. He says 'What is there to talk about?' Sometimes I'm on Mom's side, sometimes on Dad's. There is nothing to talk about except grief, and the hole. Mom was very depressed for about two years, and mildly depressed since then. When we talked about it, she'd burst into tears. Whenever we didn't talk about it, she would burst into tears anyway at odd moments - at the dining table, out at the bar. So I don't have a good answer for that one. Talk or don't talk?

Grief is very private. A person you love has been removed from your life, and you grieve because they're no longer there. All you can really do is talk about what that person meant to you. It's a way of cementing the memories of that person in your head. My biggest fear is that I'll lose my memories of my sister, because they're all I have.

So in this time of numbness, you'll find it hard to talk about your dad. It's okay, but don't let it go on too long. As time goes by, it'll get harder and harder to bring the topic up. You don't want your family gatherings to be cold, dismal affairs where everybody stuffs their faces and nobody says anything.

There's this great guide entry about bereavement - A616231 - that I contributed to, back when we were doing compilation entries. I wrote this five years ago, but it's still true. F75000?thread=138126

Oh, she can cook. She brings in leftovers for lunch and cookbooks to show to friends all the time.

Ben, my dad would have been 62 in april.

I don't hate my sister, but I don't like some of her choices. She takes it quite personally that I don't really like to be around little kids. It's a real problem for me to be aorund kids right now. It's not just hers. I would not choose to be around any kids at all if I had my way in the matter.

Thanks for the link Lentilla. I will try to read it a bit later. At the moment I am in a college computer lab and I'd rather take my time while looking in to the links.