h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Mew teleports out of the POE. He does this psychically, and, true to feline form, disobeys several laws of physics by disregarding any sort of shields]

[...and makes it through completely unscathed]

[Suddenly, the Millenium Bug bursts into the system and starts blasting at the Bad Guys. A stray shot sends the POE spinning.]

[YK] [filtered voice-over] Need any help?

*GL powers up the secret zorkish weapon.*

This weapon draws alot of power, so we need to use it sparingly. When we fire it, we'll only be able to use our shields at 10% power for 5 posts.

How are the repairs coming, Peet?

Hey Affy, if the POE has gotten a cloaking device, that would explain how those frozen ships got moving. Let's see if he is still out there.


Man, I've been dying to try this


*GL pushes a button on his weapons console. All over the exterior of the ship small nozzles rise from the surface. GL presses another button and a fine mist of mustard begins to spray from the nozzles at near light speed. The mustard mist quickly catches up with the POE and coats it, revealing its location - almost at the Raven.*

There it is! I think I might be able to get one shot at it before it reaches the Raven.

*GL hastily fires a snowzar cannon at the POE, but only just catches its tail as it docks. That is sufficient, however, to make the POE unusable for, oh, 10 posts.*

[Comms from Engine room] Repairs are coming along... We've got a minimal warp capability at the moment, say a couple of minutes at warp 2 or 3, if you don't mind all the lights going out and gravity dropping to 0.3 standard. Just give me a couple of posts warning to strap the tools down...

[Interior: Millenium Bug: Cockpit]

[Princess Zelda is sitting on the seat to the left. Her eyes are screwed up in concentration, and her ears are drooping. Link is sitting in the back, looking agitated. YC is at the controls]

[Link] ...

[Zelda] Quiet. [loses concentration] This isn't easy.

[Link] Sorry.

[Zelda] [to Link] Don't be sorry, be quiet! [goes back to concentrating]

[The cockpit lights up with a bright red-orange flash. An explosion is heard]

[Zelda] Gaa!

[YC] ZARK!

[Link] D'oh!

[Exterior: Space: Rodentar]

[The Millenium Bug does several cooler twisty turns]

[Interior: Millenium Bug: Cockpit]

[Zelda] I think I got enough...

[YK] [filtered voice-over] Yee-hah!

[YC] Didja get 'em?

[YK] [filtered voice-over] Nah, but I did take out his shields! Bye bye starfighter!

[Exterior: Space: Rodentar]

[A starfighter is hit by a blast from the Millenium Bug and explodes]

[Mew materializes on the bridge of the Esirpretne]

Mew!

[does a double-take]

}What!? Who her? Huh?{

*Checks some technical readouts*

Okay, we're down to thirty-nine percent efficiency. Another thirty-four percent to go before I can initiate the special device I picked up from the Implementors on Zork. Total damage to opposing fleet...fifty-nine percent. it's enough for now.

[Comms from Engine room] If you *want* the ship to be as damaged as possible, then why the hell are you making me repair it?... Oh... Don't answer that...

~The Masque gets back onboard the Raven and has some black jumpsuit wearing extras get to work on unfreezing the POE. He then goes into the Raven's Lab -- designed by CLI before they knew what the ship would be used for, back before Affy and KL split -- He unfreezes the micro-Montressor, then gets to work enlarging him~

[YK] Okay, I have a pretty cool plan I'm going to set in motion in three of my posts!

[Zelda] Uh-oh.

[YK] Relax. ONE.

Who's KL?

< KL = Krymla Leader, Affy's better half and biggest mistake, a reptilian villain from another dimension, the founder of STUMPED, and the only reseacher the Masque takes Cr*p from >

*Checks some more readouts*

We're down by eighty percent. Their fleet is down by seventy-two. Another fifteen percent to go before I can put this to work.

Mew?

*Affy checks his readouts again*

Man, we've managed to hold pretty well, so far, and...uh-oh.

*Suddenly, a barrage of fruitcakes slams into the hull of the Mangar (see the other forum for details), and pushes most red suited extras over benches, off of chairs, etc. Affy checks the readouts*

Okay, we're down to five percent. Time to use the secret weapon...

*Pulls out the device that the Implementors gave Affy while in the Jungles Of Miznia. Affy shows the label on it to everyone on the bridge*


Guaranteed to repair a ship of at most five percent efficiency to 110% efficiency within a single posting. Perfect for those climactic battles while you're on your way home from a long mission.


*Affy pushes a button on the side of the device. Suddenly, everything in the ship begins to glow an eerie green. Projectiles from the enemy fleet begin to just bounce off of the Mangar as the ship begins to repair itself*

The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.


[YK] TWO.

[Zelda] Are you sure this is safe?

[Link] No.

WoooHoooo!!!!! We're up to 110% efficiency!!!!!!!!

I suggest we get moving and use some of the dead ships for cover. Irv - put us behind that hulk over there.

*Cranks up the power on the snowzars and blasts away at the rodentar fleet. Watches the weapons console monitor as the number of rodentar ships steadily dwindles.*

Okay, only a few of the Rodentars left. And the Raven, of course. I'll save the secret weapon for the Raven.

[I bet Montressor wishes he'd stayed until you deployed that ]

*Irv manouvers the Mangar into position behind a space derelict*

Hey, is this the first actuall act of Navigating I've performed during this entire mission?