h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

They've discovered your clever deception, Commander. You can still pick up the Mangar's signal and tail her from a distance -- you've got their navigator, so you should be able to interogating him into giving out where they are going. If not, you've got their flight plans from the ships you've captured. But interogation is so much more /fun/, isn't it?
Good to see the pary went off without a hitch. You're looking particularly dashing today, Commander. And Captain Black, may I say, from one woman to another, I /love/ what you've done with your hair.


Oh good lord, she's developed a personality. Looks like I'm stuck with another non-researcher being who must be accounted for acording to the laws of continuity. Lenore, can you get to work on the specs I need for another Ampton clone? Make this one more of an assistant for myself and Captain Black than an espionage modle. Call him... Montresor.

Captain Black, if you would get to interrogating the prisoner, I shall ready the ship for takeoff.

/Commander Red

*Judge Jules wanders in, carrying his decks*

Voyage of the Rave?

Sorry, I just couldn't resist that. It's always terrible when you misspell a new thread, so it's stuck like that forever. I once spent a few days in a pub thread with the name "3rd Oders". I kept changing the subject to "3rd Odours" after that.

Well, thank you, Lenore. You are very good-looking today yourself, if I may say so.

*quietly to Red* I guess it's best to keep her in the good mood now that she has a personality. Although I guess she might turn out to be a real nuisance anyway...

But now if you'll excuse me, I have some interrogating to do. *ominous smile accompanied with a flash in the eyes*

*leaves the room and enters the cargo hold where Irving is held imprisoned*

Well well, what do we have here... A nicely packaged navigator - what could be any sweeter? Now would you tell us where the Mangar is heading next or do we have to make it the hard way? The hard way for you, that is - I'm actually very eager to see how that pretty face of yours would look afterwards...

I'll never talk! Well, I'm *probably* not going to talk. At least not any time soon. Not that I have any sense of time back here in your dungeon. What day is it? It might help me give you your information if I knew the date.

Alright, due to my original typo, please keep in mind that the background music for this thread will be a constant techno beat, and that when we go into hyperspace a stunning laser show should be presented. Maybe we'll pop some pills. That way it really will be the Voyage of the Rave.

~Techno music plays~
~Red punches some specifics into the ship's computer and converses with Lenore for a while while Black interrogates the hostage~

That's right Lenore, each time the activate another part of the virus, it quotes another stanza, and when they get to the end of the poem, their hard drives are erased. What do you think?

/Red

Commander, be advised. Mangar's takeoff delayed due to ~metalic snicker~ misplacement of their theme music. Seems they have plenty of Weird Al, some Dr Demento, but no theme music. ~digital laugh~ Shall we take advantage of this, Commander?


Yes, but not too agressively. I can't stand to hit them while they've got their shields down... yet. Let's just pour salt in the wound by riding past with our speakers on full volume playing *our* theme music.

~Punches up techno/metal rendition of "In The Hall of the Mountain King" from the "Peer Gynt" suite, increases volume, and manouvers close to the Mangar~

/Red

*The Mangar shoots deadly waves of polka from its outer speakers, thus knocking all travel possibilities out for two posts. The Mangar finds its rightful theme music, and leaves at Ridiculous Speed. THe only trace of their previous existence is the coconut cream pie that they dropped, and will hit the Raven five seconds before Lenore can restore travel capabilities*


Stop breaking the copyright law with your Ampton clones!

Oom-pah-pah Oom-pah-pah


Ack! That near-fatal blast of Polka music from the Mangar has crippled the ship for two posts! (luckily, this is one of them)

Now they've gone at Ridiculus (not Ludicrus) speed towards the Vorticon system(They accidentaly sent over their flight plan with the polka music), and we're a sitting duck. Raven. Whatever. Merde!

/Red

*The pie hits the Lanore, somehow hitting it directly on the forward sensors, obscuring vision, thus causing just that much more annoyance for everyone else*

*Black, unaware of everything happening above the cargo hold, ignores Irving's request for the date as unimportant piece of information, and prepares for reading aloud some of the most memorable verses of Vogon poetry*

Ah. Two posts down (and more).
~The Raven, sensors now clear and all systems functional, takes off at warp speeds after the Mangar. Once the ship is safely in hyperspace with the course set in, Red flips a switch to watch the interogation. He sees that Black is reading to read Irving some Vogon poetry, and tells Lenore to isolate Irving's voice and play it back on the console speakers so that he can hear Irv scream in agony, without having to listen to the poetry himself. He hopes that Captain Black is wearing her protective earplugs.~

~Ship swerves wildely in hyperspace~
What the...? What was that Lenore? Is everything alright?


I detected a change in the course of the Mangar. They reached the Vorticon system and, upon coming out of hyperspace set a course for the Rodentar system. I calculated that by switching course while still in hyperspace we could arrive there in time to either beat them or meet them. We had the fuel and needed no repairs. So I changed the course of our convoy to the Rodentar system. Did I do badly?

No, you didn't. Just warn us next time you do something like that. Don't worry, Evil will triumph over good, because good is stupid. I hope we can find a place to sell this cargo soon, though.

The program you ordered is ready, Commander, shall I upload the application when we have reacquired the Mangar?

Yes, Lenore. That will be delightful.
~laughs menacingly~

/Red

The Rodentar System is a noted enemy of CLI because of the creation of Retarc Labs, Inc. Krylma suggests temporary alliance.

Duely noted, Krymla. Lenore, what can you do about getting me diplomatic status in the Rodentar system? Maybe we can arrive early, sell our cargo, and set up a Rodentar ambush.


Now sending request for dipomatic status and outline of our anti-CLI mission to Rodentar high-command, cc:ing to RLI, and STUMPED HQ. Diplomatic status accepted. We will enter the Rodentar system 3 hours before the Mangar is schedualed to pass through, give or take four hours. I have gone ahead and sold our cargo on eBay for twice it's actual value, and the Rodentar fleet is asembling to ambush the CLI convoy.


Lenore, you are a genius. I'm proud to have programmed you.


Thank you, commander. Maybe later this evening, you know, when the lights are low, we can...

Not while on duty, Lenore. We'll discuss this elsewhere. Your personality is getting a bit out of the ordinary for an AI.

/Red

(Outsiders note, not part of continuity: I don't know about that. Ever seen how Ampton acts sometimes?)

*Continues reading aloud to Irv until the scream is stuck on his face. Eventually Irving starts to talk - as well as he can - but it turns out he honestly doesn't know anything of importance.*

Well, what would a mere navigator know anyway... It was nice doing business with you though!

*Smiles and leaves Irv tied on the floor looking like he's just been read aloud a whole lot of Vogon poetry. Black rushes to the bridge to Red and Lenore removing her earplugs on the way.*

Well done, Captain. We have entered the Rodentar system and everything is ready for the Mangar's arrival.

~on screen the entire Rodentar fleet, consisting of three one man fighter ships, a largely defunct carrier ship, and two battle ships that are badly in need of repairs, can be seen waiting at the Mangar's PPE (Projected Point of Entry).~

That's it? That's the fleet? Well, at least we'er in time to join them. Our two convoy ships -- now empty of cargo after Lenore sold it all at twice it's value on eBay, which is all profit for us -- are at least armed, and this ship is quite formidable in battle.

~into communicator~

Attention Rodentar fleet. This is Commander Red of the Raven, Ambasador to your system. We have two captured CLI ships in our convoy. Their crews are held captive in their galley's. I have the Mangar's navigator on board my ship. We wish to join you in battle against the CLI fleet, which consists of one flagship and four convoy ships. We outnumber them, and therefore should have the advantage

~away from microphone~
should if their ships were worth more than rust
~into microphone~

We are joining your ranks now

~LENORE manuvers the Raven and her captive ships into position with the Rodentar fleet~

*after the fleet has been standing in position for some time, it becomes obvious that the Mangar should already have arrived, but the space remains silent except of the Rodentar fleet & Raven waiting*

Now where are they? They should have been here long ago - you don't think they would have found out about us, do you?

*looks out into the space trying to see if there's anything implying that Mangar already had come out of hyperspace but sees nothing*

*An immense burst of polka music by "Weird Al" slams into the waiting "fleet". It appears to be coming from behind a rather large asteroid that is fairly near where the CLI ships were scheduled to exit hyperspace from*

Lenore! Arm the Ploka dampeners I had you design!


Polka dampeners armed, comander


~The Raven is now safe from the infernal cheeriness of the Polka. The majority of the Rodentar fleet, however, is getting the snot beat out of them~

Very clever of them, hiding behind that asteroid. I wonder how long they've been there? Lenore? Ready transmission of CWORM.DOC Rename to ISURRENDER.DOC, if you will. Captain Black? Lets see if we can take out a few of those CLI fleet ships, shall we?

~Mans weapons console.~

Send eMail, Lenore!