h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello? Hello? Oh, hang on, this isn't the right ring. Who am I talking to?


*Meanwhile, out in space, a Thaltarian sitcom is being interrupted by a strange, alien voice*

You know, Lil, you're probably right!


carpet on wall, featureless doors, carpet on wall, featureless doors, carpet on wall, featurel...




Hey! Why don't I try hanging the carpet on one of the doors!

*Holds carpet up on one of the doors.*

No, not Galactic, Galactic 4. What?
*sound of distant canned whooping*
Affi? Listen:
Ooh Mah Sî Tah Wwwÿ Wwwÿ Græ Mah...

*behind one of the doors there is a deep rumbling sound that tapers off after a few seconds*

What was that?!?

Aren't there any hooks on any of the doors? It seems futile for you to have to hold it up...

*a bit of sand rains to the floor in wake of the rumbling*

GDZ, that might have been a tribute to my good pronunciation of Galactic 4. *gets out a small notepad and pen, and carefully transcribes the inscription* And I better take a pill for my claustrophobia.

*Does a careful inspection of all of the doors.*

A packet of biscuits doesn't last long on an adventure. All that excitement whets the appetite.

*tidies away the empty packet into a pocket and retreives a packet of Abbey Crunch from another*

More biccies

*Becomes very alert when he hears a familiar voice*


Lil? Is that you?


I swear, with all this static I can't tell if it's Lil or if it's Cousin Tharbala, the character introduced in the last season who was the largest contribution to "Thaltarian Downs" being cancelled. Either way, this is logically a person that I should listen to.


*Listens to Lil's reading*

Couldn't quite make that out, Lil! Did you just say that "To see the open gate, don't see the gate?" You aren't making much sense, Lil.

Then again, since I can't understand it, it could be a joke going over my head. And since it's in Galactic 4, it's probably an alien voice. So you're probably just Cousin Tharbala. HEY, THARBALA! DO THE BLINDFOLDED KNOCK-KNOCK JOKE AGAIN!

Affi just said "To see the gate, don't see the gate" and "climb bowl rock again." I think.

Are these doors actually red herrings? *begins running her fingers along the walls in between the doors*

*she suddenly disappears*

Okay, Thorbala, you're not funny tonight. I'll take it for the sitcom audience.

Okay, so a physicist, biologist and mathematician walk into a bar. They've got a window seat, so they can clearly see two people walk into the building just across the street from 'em. About ten minutes later, three people walk out!

The physicist says, "The original quantity must have been mismeasured."

The biologist says, "The specimens must have reproduced."

The mathematician says, "Now if you put another person into that building, it'll be empty!"

Thank you, thank you. I've gotta million more of 'em! What's the best way to accelerate an OS/2 system? Why, 9.81 meters per squared second, of course!

You know there are 10 types of people, right? Yeah, those who understand binary and those who don't.

THANK YOU! TIP YOUR WAITRESSES, I'LL BE HERE 'TILL THURSDAY!


*Looks over and wonders what Witty and Titania thought of that speech*

Um,....would you believe that I'm helping a dying alien sitcom? I think that's what I'm doing....

*blind and deaf (fortunately?) to all but the beautiful gryphons, recalling - with sadness in her heart - that one of her guardees was a gryphon who hasn't been heard of for a very, very long time*

*After finding nothing on the doors, watches Lil examine the walls. Feels a sneeze coming.*

Ah....Ah.....Ah......CHOOOOOOOOOO!

*Looks at where Lil was standing and sees her gone.*

Never had a sneeze do THAT before!

Wait...maybe that's the way out. Okay, someone else stand right about here. *points to where he last saw Lil* And someone else get me some pepper.

*Listening to the Ring intently*

Okay, this one's definitely a message from the Thaltarian equivalent of the FCC....they're either threatening to invade Earth if I don't stop tampering with their broadcast, or they're offering me the role of a voice over character, I can't tell which it is.

*Lil has reappeared here: F32669?thread=63632&post=4808689#p4808689 *

What, stand here do you mean?............

* a distant voice can be heard.........*

Bring the things.........

Now I'm confused. Caerwynn disappeared without GL sneezing. And are we supposed to bring the carpet, or leave it here, on the floor or on a door?

/* Watches as Zeppo sniffs along the wall where Lil and Caer disappeared, and promptly disappears too. */

OK. Looks like I'm next.

/* touches the wall and disappears */

I'll go next.

*Repeats the actions of others and disappears.*

*Affy's ring just shuts off*

NO! Aw, man. They were about to end the series....

Maybe the carpet isn't about this room. We could try to take it with us, eh?

*picks up all the tea things and sighs* I wish I had that magic orb with me. Ah well. *follows the others*


Presume that Sol is with the group


*the two rat-ants who had cut the cage rope at the pulley have meanwhile been rambling through the tunnels, electing to follow the fresher scent at turns. They now find themselves at a hatch in the ceiling, with a ladder leading up. There is definitely fresh air above. Climbing the ladder, they push open the hatch and find themselves on a bluff overlooking the yurt. There are signs of a struggle and Amos's Colt .45 is lying on the ground*

*the rat-ants pick up the gun and head down to the yurt where they find Affi inside a house of cards, Titania and Gandalf craning their necks to watch the disappearing gryphons, Violets quietly absorbing her assorted meals, and Witty at the door of the yurt*


*a minute later, about a dozen kobolds climb out of the hatch after them, led by a disheveled and smelly kobold with two black eyes and a bent crown*

I don't get it! I mean, the ring just doesn't cut off like that. Unless it was turned off or disabled at the other end. They may be in trouble! They might need our help! WE'VE GOTTA FIND THE THALTARIAN SITCOM'S BROADCASTING STUDIO!