h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

You have a target in mind, eh? Hmmmmm. I think I have something in development that could be just what you're after.

Ah, this reminds me of my early camping days. And my later ones when I first started mad science. I got really into Cryptozoology after I thought I found Bigfoot for a sec. Later I learned it wasn't *the* Bigfoot, just a friend of his out for a visit.

Anyone know "The Cryptozoology Song"?

*Continues practicing his harmonica*

*Begins to sing*


Oh, I once met a monster up at Loch Ness,
she looked real perty in a gingham dress,
She swam up to me and said "Is it time for tea?"
And all I could say was, "Well, not Yeti"

Ai Yi Yi Yippee Yi yi
It's cryptozoology for meeeeeee

Yeah, that's the one GL! Man, it's been ages since I heard it.

*Tries desperately to remember the verse about the Jackalope*

*ambles along with the rest of the group, enjoying the smell of pines in the morning*

*Coronet and Sol are quite content to follow along behind. Sol is particularly pleased with the Great Breakfast she was able to consume earlier.*

The smell of the pine trees reminds me of the Acadia National Park in Maine. It didn't half clear the old olfactory organs!

*sways gently with Tommy as he walks steadily forward*

Ah, the balsam fir grows up there -- that's the one they use for the aromatic little pillows. I used to go to the forest trails when I was summering on Deer Isle and pinch the needles to release that smell.

*the posse has arrived at a t-junction, where the lane they have been following ends in a wider dirt road. in front of them the familiar post-and-rails of H2G2 Farm fence in a herd of gnus. The gnus evidently heard the singing and chatting, and have come up to the fence to see what's happening*

*it is clear which way the group must go, as there is a definite uphill feeling to the road on their right*

*Amos shifts restlessly on Bonnie's back* We might want to get a bit more serious now, ladies and gents. Did I mention I've lost 3 gnu to predators over the last week?

Mr. Affi, did you ever sort out the magic in that there orb?


OK up there, Dude?

Gee, Amos, that's a shame. Are you going to get some new gnu?

I'm fine, just taking in the scenery.

sniff sniff
*turning around slowly*

*stiff tail Styx turns into rat arrow* Ant Lady fly that way. Three kilometres. Look for road and cliff.

Ant Lady pack up and fly now. Styx catching up later.

*sitting up tall red eyes glow on guard duty*

/* Throws Zeppo the leftovers of his Full English, and picks up the song */


Oh, I once found a curious jackalope
Spying on me with a periscope
But he paused for a fine single-malt scotch
After checking the time on his sasquatch.

Ai Yi Yi Yippee Yi yi
It's cryptozoology for meeeeeee

*has to cling to Ferrari's mane to keep from falling off*

*wipes her eyes and looks around* Not too much snow. There must have been a few warm days since we came this way in the wagon. Mark you, there's plenty of the white stuff higher up. Where Amy is. I hope she's OK.

Well, I didn't have much time for more than a few very general tests, Amos. However, I can tell you that if a person knows, or can at least guess, at the proper way to use it, the core of the orb can be used for some form of transmogrification or transmutation.

*Removes the orb from his pocket and holds it up for Amos to see*

Now, I don't know just what triggers it. I don't even know what it can transmogrify or transmute. It could change animals such as clydesdales into winged monsters, perhaps. Or it could also enhance changes in emotions, because we saw these horses also change shape when we were being chased by the rabbits earlier (perhaps this means that they were angry or afraid or tired or something). It could also be something smaller, such as changing certain substances such as gold into certain other substances such as lead.

All in all, a very peculiar piece. It isn't unlike The Philosopher's Stone of legend, but it's not quite as powerful. Or at least it's different enough that it would be harder to use as effectively.

The key is magical knowledge, though. So far it's been most receptive to magical stimuli of enlightenment. Such as the Jindak spell, which causes magical artifacts to glow briefly (a spell that has no real effect other than giving the caster knowledge about what is magical in the area).

Now, if we had more time I would've cast the Blorple spell on it, a spell that explores an object's mystic connections. That might've revealed important information such as where it was created, what types of creatures would tend to use it, that type of thing. It could theoretically unlock an entire other world via the blorple spell (which is, when you get down to it, still basically a spell of knowledge aquisition in the sense of espionage and exploration).

Of course, blorple could reveal a nondescript magical room with only one door that leads back to wherever I cast the blorple spell, meaning that there aren't any noteable mystic connections.

In short, there's a lot to learn yet. I doubt it'll unleash an ancient demon or anything, though, but who can tell?

*Listens to what Affy has to say about the orb with a mistified look on his face.*

*hopes that if Tommy transforms into anything, she won't fall off in shock*

A few new gnus perhaps.

Predators? What *kind* of predators, Amos?

Killer rabbits?
*Ferrari snorts*