h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Peet follows, stepping carefully over a still-frozen forum.

i know i haven't been much use on this mission, but i just happen to have a magnetic pick device for locks in my back pocket. if the door isn't sealed with a magnetic lock it won't work, but if it is we should be able to manipulate the device to unlock the door. even if it doesn't work it will at least tell us it's another kind of seal.

Affy, you saw it on the monitor (don't ask me how I know; perhaps I'm psychic...) - did it open inwards or outwards? (And don't answer "Yes"...)

Affirmative.

*Affy waits for the groaning to stop*

In all seriousness, though, it swung inwards. See, you can see the hinges on this side of the door.

*Affy looks it over*

There may be a magnetic seal on this, but it's probably guarded by more than that....

OK... The hinges are on our side... Has anyone got a sharp object we can use to push the pins out of the hinges so we can open it from that side?

*Ampton, now back to normal, picks up his origins thread again, winds it onto a popsicle stick and puts it into his side compartment. He then walks over and in an uncharacteristic display of emotion, hugs Affy and GL, who are both just as happy to see him. Ampton pulls a screwdriver out of somewhere and hands it to Peet. GL turns to Broelan.*

Go ahead, Broelan, and give your pick a try. Can't but help.

* Peet holds the screwdriver warily between finger and thumb, aware of where Ampton pulled it from... *


"I don't care what Universe you're from - that's GOTTA hurt!"


* After a moment he sniffs the screwdriver, shrugs and starts working on the hinges... *

Just so everyone knows, I've got my Rezrov spell ready in case that nothing else works....

*pulls pick out of back pocket, walks up to door. places pick on door, it sticks magnetically and a digital readout lights up. a click is heard, numbers start flashing across the display. another click, followed by a few beeps is heard.*

it didn't work. it beeps like that when it gives up. that's the last thing i'll buy from wal-mart!!

sorry guys.

how are those hinges coming, peet?

* A loud twang and the sound of a screwdriver blade tinkling into the distance precedes an astounding display of floating asterisks emerging from Peet's mouth... *

Still working on it...

* The asterisks pop against the ceiling with a shower of electric-blue sparks. Peet stomps off to look for the pointy half of the screwdriver. *

*Affy carefully examines the door again, worrying about the make*

This metal....it looks like a Mithril-Adamantium alloy. Strong stuff, and very malleable. No way we can melt through....

Surely, if it's that malleable, then by definition we should be able to bend it...?

* Continues fumbling on clod floor looking for screwdriver blade...

(Typo - clod = cold)

Well, sure you can bend it. If you've got about twenty dragons handy. This is the stuff that you hear about Dark Lords wearing in the final confrontations at the end of the story. This stuff could last in the center of the sun for about a minute before it was vaporized. Nuclear bomb shelters could be made out of this stuff, although it wouldn't last long.

Well, maybe I'm exagerating a bit. But the only metal that I've found stronger than this stuff is called Tung. Not even diamons are as strong as this. We're much better off trying to think our way through this than trying to bend it or melt it by ourselves.

*WM pulls out an assortment of knitting needles sized 2 through 15.)

Peet, maybe one of these will fit into the handle of the screwdriver. The #2 has a very fine point that might work on that hinge pin. Want to give it a try?

Thanks, Witty!

* Starting from the bottom and working upwards, Peet methodically pops the pins out one by one. *

That's got it! We still need to pull on the door from this edge, though - does anyone have anything which is sticky, or which would act as a sucker?

(One cautionary thought, btw - if the hinges were on *this* side, and it's a security door, then they wanted to keep someone/something from the *other side* from getting in here. They weren't all that worried about stopping people from getting out...)

* As Peet starts to voice that thought, the door starts to creak softly, getting progressively louder...

*Just then, GL hears the lock being manipulated from inside.*

Stand back, everyone, someone's coming.!

*GL dives behind a pile of forums, just as the lock snaps open. The door starts to swing open, but then teeters and falls flat on the floor. Beyond the door stands the robot that had previously come into the room to retrieve the next forum. It is very difficult for most robots to show surprise, but this one was making a very good effort at it. After a moment, it turns around and rushes to the other end of the short hallway-like room and tries to open the door there. This being an airlock, however, means that one door cannot open without the other door being shut. The robot looks nervously over its shoulder as it frantically tries to open the far door.*

If it's lubed with light oil for low temperature work, all we need to do is keep it moving until it evaporates and causes the joints to seize - would you care to do the honours?

*Ampton dashes towards the other robot, preparing to shoot at it with his sonic-wave blaster (aka the boom box speakers on his head). As Ampton does this, Affy seems a bit concerned*

Um, Peet? I just realized something. This is an airlock door. If we can't close this door once we move through, we'll never be able to get to the other end.

I wonder how we can fix this (from the inside, no less).