h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

It's not a vacuum on the other side, or that robot wouldn't have been able to open this door. Neither can it be excessively high pressure, or this door would have blown open the moment the other one opened. I suspect it's just designed to keep the cold air in here.

If that's the case, there must be sensors around the door to tell whether it's open or shut; we only need to fool those. See those little boxes top and bottom, with the wires coming out? Try holding some metal objects against them while the other robot tries to open its door...

*Affy pulls out his metalic measuring tape*

Just barely strong enough to carry electricity.

*The robot at the other end closes it's ear ports and is unaffected by Ampton's sonic blast. Ampton shrugs and saunters the rest of the way to the robot. They hold some sort of conversation, then they both walk back to the group - Ampton looking smug and the other robot looking nervous. Ampton whispers to Affy:*


They have his fear circuits cranked up, so he shouldn't be a problem. Won't tell me a thing, though.

Good. Now, let's see if this'll work....

*Affy pulls some electrical tape out of his pocket, and ties two ends of the metalic tape to the sensors. The other airlock door pops open*

Okay. Are we all ready for this one? The mission was technically too h2g2, not anywhere else. But,....

*Affy thinks for a moment before heading towards the door*

*shrugs*

Sure, why not?

*follows Affy*

Ditto

So I take it that we're all in agreement, then?

*Affy looks through the next door, and gasps*

I can't believe it! I've been chewing this gum for three days, and it's still got its original flavor!

(Congratulations! Or commiserations, depending on what the original flavour was... )

*GL approaches the door cautiously, wondering where the frozen forums had been taken. Bright light streams in from the doorway, making it hard to see beyond. GL thinks he can see people ... *

*blinks*

*squints*

*can't make out a thing*

*Since no one else is taking the initiative to choose the direction the rest of the story takes, Affy pulls out some sunglasses, and looks through*

Wow! It's like....it's weird. There's a "forum defrosting" area, and a few people looking over things. Right now, someone's moving a forum from a defrost to a teleporter. Parts of the forum are missing, though. It's gone now....

Okay, this is ludicrous. They're apparently trying to go through every single post ever made on h2g2 and approve them. That's too many posts. Just think about it: if they go through every single one before they re-open h2g2, it'll take them quite some time before we can ever leave the refugee camps. Er, unless we do what we're doing now, that is.

Then it's lucky that we're doing what we're doing now... Er... What *is* that, exactly?

Hey, folks, check out "101 Reasons why Humans won't rule the Universe" - link at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A521407#back28

*GL shields his eyes as best he can and pokes his head around the door frame. He sees the forum defroster that Affy saw and he sees people that seem more ... solid, somehow. GL stares at a woman typing at a computer terminal, trying to figure out what it is that's different. She finishes what she is doing and swivels in her chair.*

Woman: Where is that cryobot with the next forum. He's taking .... AAAAAAAAAKKKKKKKKK

*This last was uttered as she caught sight of GL quickly pulling back his head. She runs to a big red button on the wall and pushes it. Sirens start to howl and red lights flash. A large man in a uniform runs up to the woman.*

Security Officer: What is it?

Woman (pointing to airlock): Over there. I saw a ... a ... virtual character escaping. He ducked back in.

*The security officer turns towards the airlock*

Woman: Be careful, Stan. There may be more of them.

*GL hears this exchange and realizes what is different about those people. They are RL people! That is the Real World out there!*

*Witty overhears the excited exchange between Stan and the woman and backs up out of sight of the doorway.*


Escape?!? Why does she think you are escaping from, Garius? For heaven's sake, we've spent all this time getting ~into~ hootoo. I thought we were doing a pretty good job of it, too.

Maybe they think we're creations, Witty. They might think that we're creations who somehow escaped being frozen. In that case, let's get out of here as soon as....

*The door back to the cryo-room is suddenly replaced by a series of lasers zipping back and forth*

Well, there goes that option. Okay, this isn't good. We can't fight RL people!

*Affy looks back in, and stares down the barrel of a strange looking gun that is marked with the word "MODERATE"*

Er... Folks... I hate to admit it, but I'm too lazy to make up a "persona" - this *is* me IRL...

That's ok, Peet. I struggled with that concept, too; until I remembered that I haven't actually worn spike heels in over 10 years.

Thinks out loud... What we need is a much larger gun, marked "EXCESSIVE"...

Why, Peet, what would that....

*The gun is waved in an even more dangerous manner in Affy's face. It is clear that the person holding it wants them to march towards a sign marked "Exit To Jungle"*