h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

::Walks in, sits down. Was going to walk in and stand on head, but can't stand on head, and didn't really want to anyway::

Okay, again, I have four behavioural problems. They are:
a) Fear (and it's not that I have a phobia, something other
b) Praise (and it's not that I can't deal with it)
c) Adaptation (and it's not that I can't)
d) Mushrooms (which also covers sultanas (or rasinettes or whatever they're called elsewhere))

Take your pick doc.

My dear Haze.

I'm glad you picked my site to go nuts at. I'm sorry I haven't replied before, but I had to deal with an autistic harddisc, so I was rendered totally unable to use Internet.

I love your problem-list and so I'll get back to you as soon as at all possible. First I'll give it a good thought where to start and how.

Relax, my friend. I also cannot stand on my head.

-KimotoCat - head-doctor

Thanks doc! I'll just nick your jelly babies while you're not here

What jelly-babies? Oh those? Why... they're not made from jelly, but from plastic explosives. I wouldn't eat too many if I were you.

Take care not to make the past tense formation a relevant way of adressing you!

I'll get back to you very soon now.

Bye - perhaps not 4ever - KC

::walks in, sees Haze:: Oops.... door was open. I am sorry. I'll le--::begins to turn around:: Hey!! Are those jelly beans!??

You know the BEATLES loved Jelly Babies... can I have some!??

Sure, there's heaps here, and no-one's looking

The beatles also loved bad hairstyles...

Yes, there are plenty of these lovely jelly beans.

::takes a handful and throws it at Haze::

Don't EVER insult the BEATLES!!!

::Screams inaudible threats whilst throwing more jelly beans at Haze::

Ow! Stop that! OW!

BWAH HAHAHAH!!!

::stops::

What!?? Little jelly beans can't hurt.

Like I said, they're not jelly-babies! Take care where you throw them. They are explosive-babies and -

HEY - WATCH OUT WHERE YOU - ¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤¤

BWAH HA HA HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAA!!!

YEEEEEAAAAAHHHHHOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!!

::Wraps a couple of rubber bands around fingers and starts flinging them back at Tab::

::jumps around::

Ahhh!!!!

::runs to the couch and tips it over for cover, hides behind it::

::Pulls out COUCH-PIERCING jelly babies::

Ha HAAAA!!!!!

AHHHH!!!!

::starts bleeding and runs to the bathroom::

HEY!

First, this is MY counselling chambers and I will NOT tolerate any irate violence that I do not condone.

Second, i do not even HAVE a couch here, I have two comfy armchairs, an expensive looking swivel-chair, model Boss, a mini-bar, a stuffed hyena, a chippendale sofa and a safe primarily for tossing at patients.

Third, I would calmy like to request of anybody present to stop making fools of themselves. That is my job!

WELL!!! What a party pooper.

::whispers to Haze:: Too bad we're out of explosive candy....

::whispers back:: Yeah, but did I hear, 'Mini bar'?

Dont you dare...


Besides, none of you seem to be in a condition where you should even consider imbibing alcoholic beverages.

Uhm... Not that, uhm, there are any, er... he he he...

I heard mini skirt!!!

Have you got Dew in your mini bar!??

And what is this, referring to us as "None of you". I only see two people.....

I am confused. I need to sit down and be consolled....