h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Greetings KimotoCat, perhaps you can help me - I'm experiencing sartorial difficulties.

I'm obsessed with the colour of eye patches this year - a mere second's thought to some, but to us of finer tastes there is more time taken.

I mean of course I know that parrots are out and hamsters are in, and the pegleg with the standard foot is all the rage amongst the buccaneers of spain....but what about the eyepatch? Hmmmm?

What if I were to board "The Bouncing Betty" with hamster in place, ready to go a'pillagin' and a'plunderin' with the rest of me maties, and they all had silver eyepatches while astride my eyehole is a paltry strip of black? I'd lose all respect - after all,
I am the captain!

Now, it is important that we do not take a one-eyes look at this - hrmh, sorry 'bout the pun.
Are you sure that the problem is only a matter of fashion or could it be that you really need to manifest your control of the situation and the crew?
To better advice you, I'll need you to tell me more about your daily job, as it seems that the patch-problems arise when you are at work.
And if this hamster-thing is, what I deduct it to be, we need to talk about that as well.

Advice for now: Remember that authority goes a long way and if anybody in your crew tells you different, yell at them in order to subdue them orally.

-KimotoCat

Orally? Hmmmm, I think I'm orally fixated enough as it is!
And as for the hamster, nervous it may be, but I can assure you that it is only because the fashionable beast is perhaps not as securely fixed upon my shoulder as last-year's parrot.

My daily job? Well, you know, the life of a pirate...stomping around on deck, yelling "ahoy" and "it's the plank for ye, me hearty!",
and so on.

Oh alright, I'll come clean...I'm not really a pirate (as hard as it may be for you to believe), I actually got very drunk after being knocked off my motorcycle by a taxi and I've probably left weird messages all over the guide Actually I think my message on your forum is the weirdest...maybe I do need help....Anyway, I'm studying psychology at the Uni of Queensland, so if you know anything about statistics......I hate that stuff! I got through 2nd year stats OK, but I'm not looking forward to non-linear correlation and that sort of fun, thrilling material.....

Things seem a lot clearer now.

It seems to me that your problem really is one of the following:

*Either you are in a state which I call the 'read-too-much-about-it'-state- It's a bit like when certain people read about symptoms of rare diseases and promtly develop them. A kind of, uhm, whassaword... You know, hypocondriac... (Naw, probably didn't spell that right. Too lazy to gettup and get a dictionary.) Well, that could be your problem. All those wonderful mental conditions and there you are, having painfully few of them...

*Or your claim about piracy is in fact rebellion against the settled standards of society. Do you feel bound by it? Restricted? And then you enter the virtual and non-comform world of the Guide where you are a pirate whenever you want to.
If this is the case, we really do have a case!

*Or this entire forum is based on you being bored. Don't worry, if that's the case, you're not sick in your brain, you're quite normal. I grew up with a father who claimed that intelligent people are never bored, but he was wrong. This not to say that you are nessecarily intelligent, only normal.

Try to see if either of the above fits you or if I am wrong. Get back to me and I'll get back to you too.

You may relax now - KimotoCat
Self-inflicted psychologist

Please forgive me for my laxness, there you go providing some fine advice and I rudely ignored it. Well, I do feel more relaxed, but I just haven't replied....

Hypocondriac? Nah, I just get a little depressed reading and seeing the terrible effects of damage to the brain or disorders like schizophrenia (if it's a real disorder...but anyway, let's not get into that!) and I think that's probably normal...

Bored? Possibly...but no, I was drunk....

I like the rebellion one, so I pick that affliction! Yep, that's me...restricted by society and freed by the virtual world of the guide. Mind you, I'm also quite often freed by the consumption of beer, fast rides on my bike and a good book/bonk/song. Not that I would combine drinking and riding, although drinking after riding is quite acceptable....isn't it?

hypochondriac...that's how we should have spelled it

Nice to finally meet someone here who seems normal.

How about switching roles here?

-KimotoCat

Switch? No, no, I wouldn't dream of it...thanks for the vote of confidence in my normality - although I'm not really sure what normal is (and even if I really want to be "normal").

But hey, if you want to just talk about stuff, that's fine by me. I haven't met any Danes before (if that is what you Denmark-residing folk are called), so...pleased to meet you. Hello from Australia

Hello from Denmark.

Danes, you, that's us. No guarantees and no batteries included!

Well hello again oh Danish counselling cat!

The day here is absolutely beautiful - Queensland winter bike-riding weather, but here I sit looking out at the the sunshine and cursing poor-quality aftermarket engine rubbers which burst and cause horrible oil leaks...ah well...

I've started back at uni, the final year of my degree (although part-time it's going to take me a couple of years), and this semester I'm studying advanced statistics and research design, and psychopathology. Interesting stuff (except the statistics). Gods I hate studying! Got any good tips?

Advice...

When my studies REALLY started to get on my nerves - and studies sometimes do that - it was usually a sign that I was approaching exam of some kind. (Studies are also known to do that at regular intervals.)

In Aalborg, the city where I live, there is an annual carnival - in fact the biggest carnival in northern Europe with more than ten thousand participants - and I like to be in it.

As exam usually comes up in late May or June and the carnival is in late May, I usually simply let go of all that had to do with studies, books, theories and stuff, and spent some time preparing for carnival in stead. Listening to samba-music (or just good music) and making a costume. This way I could relax and forget about the tenous and stressing life of a student. As I usually create carnival-costumes as a complex thingy made from paper-mache, cardboard and lots of little bells and flashy thingies, this grants me quite a task where I can let go of all thoughts study-related.

Some of my friends don't understand how I am capable of concentrating on carnival as close to exam, but this helps me greatly. As much for the carnival as for just relaxing and getting my mind off of things.
I don't know if this is any advice to you, but it works miracles for me.

Good luck with your studies.

I know exactly what you mean, although instead of carnival I ride my bike. It's not like anything else - and I'm not saying I'm a fast rider (quite the opposite) but when I ride over Mt Glorious on my own, and I'm on the line between fear of death and profound glee - then I forget all about uni

Now, I don't know if you've realised this, but your hometown's name has two 'A's. One of those 'A's has got to be extraneous, and down here in Oz we could use another one in our country's name - so the oft ill-pronounced "Ostralia" would more properly become "Auzstraalia, maaaate". So how 'bout lending us one of those 'A's? Oh and a spare 'z' if you've got one....

I'm not making fun, though, honestly - I live in the city of Brisbane (also known as Brizvegas), in the bounds of which is a lovely little suburb - Indooroopilly.

Indooroopilly means "gully of leeches". Appropriate, you could say, considering the resident levels of ostentatious wealth on display. Yeerongpilly, nearby, means "gully of doves", a more pleasant name...hmmmm well that's an exciting topic of conversation. not.

So what's the carnival like?