h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

After the mini bar that 'does not contain any alcohol', I might end up wearing a miniskirt.

There, there Tab. ::pats shoulder:: I'm sure Dr Kimoto will sort out our neuroses in due course, and I'm also sure that she'll find that you're WAY more of a nutbag than I am.

Did you know she's stalking me doc?

Not true not true not true!!!

HE is stalking ME!!!

If I'M stalking YOU, how did I get here first, Hmmmmm?

Because I'm stalking the lot of ya?

If that's stalking, you need lessons from a pro. You can't ask Dragonfly, though, I've given her the weekend off. I think she's stalking someone else in her own time. THAT'S dedication!

But my dear Haze - just Haze, was it?

I do happen to be the counsellor. I posted the question in order to make you think about the situation and perhaps reach a benificial conclusion. One such could be that I cannot be stalking you, as you are not available for stlking right now, are you? Good. Now, sit down at the remainders of the couch and try to think things over. Okay?
Let me know what you think ... now.

Oh, and just for your information: Having taken som good advice from others, I have removed all alcoholic fluids from my bar, leaving no other alcohol in this office than the few drops on alcohol swaps for desinfecting previously to injections. And those are safely stored in my medical bag*1, along with a wide variety of funny and usefull pharmaceuticals that may or may not be applied into your personal treatment.
People always search for hapiness, but I can assure you as your counsellor that true hapiness lies in proper medication! Trust me.

Been there, done that. You know the rutine...

*1 That would be the big open thing standing on the floor right next to you, several pre-prepared syringes atop along with a lot of exiting looking glasses and vials. All protected by a friendly sign telling you not to touch anything unless you really feel an urge to.

But a good way of stalking me would be to get a counsellor's diploma from a cereal packet, send that mad redheaded woman around to stalk me so that I come to you. In this case it would save you the bother of stalking just behind me, you could stalk from in front. And on a comfortable chair. in your office. Oh, you're an evil genius, doc.

In any case it's a nice cockamamie plan.

Okay. Medication. Well, when D'fly comes back in that door after her weekend off, we're going to use the syringes to squirt some of the alcohilic disinfectant into each others mouths. My plan is to get her incredibly drunk and then start calling YOU Haze, so she winds up stalking you. Maybe I'll give you some drugs and convince you that she's Haze, and you can stalk her. From in front.

Whaddya think? Any drugs you want to have a crack at while the bag's open?

Like I allways said, happiness is in proper medication.

But the alcohol on those swabs is not enough to get anybody anywhere NEAR intoxicated. Thry the vials with the blue label, just remember than most people are killed by any measure more than 2,8 cc.

Oh, and nice stalking plan. Just a shame it's nuts.

yo. wassup!??

Where are the jelly beans!??

The doc decided that we weren't mature enough to have jelly beans, but we had to delve into the medical bag instead.

Go on. You go first

Hey...

Cool!! A grab bag... I remember those when I was little... It was oh so very exciting... usually you'd just get crappy plasticy cheap thingies...

This isn't like it, is it!??? Is this part of the treatment!?? I am being paid good money to stalk him-- er, I mean...

You know what!??

I shouldn't even be here. Or-- well, you are supposed to help ME!!! He is stalking me!!! Do you know how horrible that is!??

::ignores Haze, who waves the medical bag in front of her::

::stares at the Doc with tears in her eyes:: Have you any idea what it's like!??

Not really.

Please take the time to try to explain it to me. After all, I AM the counsellor and that's what we're here for.

And I do counsel in other matters than purely psychological. Law, fun, life, stuff like that.

Go on, tell me.

Okay, Tab, explain to the doc how I'M stalking YOU when I came here first. If you can do it in a way that mekes me believe it, I'll happily cough up the contents of the bag that I've just eaten

Well, Mr. Haze, you see.... you have a clever way of covering for yourself. You became so incredibly skilled at stalking me that you have developed the ability to remain one step ahead of me. That's why you are now walking towards the bathroom before I have developed the urge to-- oh, there it is!!! Now I must use the bathroom!!!

By keeping ahead of me, you make it appear as if I am obsessed with you. Clearly, such is not the case. Denial is the first sign.

Or something....

Okay then, I'll PROVE you're crazy.
::Puts a slow funk song on the CD player. Turns up the volume. Pulls a medium-sized ham out of somewhere and starts moving it in time with the music::...

WAIT A MINUTE!!! If she starts dancing with it, that PROVES I'm stalking from in front! My god, It's too late! I am undone!!
AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!.....

Or,

Maybe,

SHE knew I would do something like that, and put the idea in my head. Now she's stalking me from the front AND back.

I'm confused.

We're stalking each other from all around, baby, yeah!!!

::grabs the ham and tosses it away::

Good, we are clearly making progress in this, erh, group therapy thing.

Carry on, all of you.

It's like a conga line of staliking in here, and I'm sure the doc is not apart from it.

In any case, there is still no alcohol around, nor any jelly beans or babies.