h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Falls from the ceiling.

Aaarrgh!

_Crash!_

* Lifts self up and examines damage. One restaurant table broken. Sweeps up the debris, deposits it in 'Swept-Up-Debris-Box' and goes quickly to the Everything We Need Machine to purchase a new table. Returns with it and places it where the other one was broken.

Is anybody here?
Hello?
I'd like a meal please, if that's OK!
Is the restaurant still open nowadays?

Aaaargh! You've just made me remember Freddy's lovely cooking......


yes indeedy..... Shop! Oi! Anyone home?

*Hurries down from her room, where she has fallen asleep in a pile of notebooks, dictionaries and various notes*

Oh goodness, I'm terribly sorry! Lost track of time I suppose. Can I help you?

*Voice from the Labyrinth*
Do you do a delivery service?

Yes plase young man! I'd like a table.

With salt and vinegar - none of your foreign mayonnaise thank you very much!


To go.

*First thing first, pushes the intercom button, labyrinth extension* I'm sorry Mr. Vestie, I'll be right with you!

*Then looks around to make sure that no other waiters have been hired while she was away*

*Discoveres, with slight disappointment, that she is still the only _waitress_ for the restaurant*

I'm sorry ma'am, are you talking to me?

When you are ready, Lady P, could you please order every fourth item in each section of the menu for me? That would be great. I'll sit here by the eerie statue of the Sphinx.

Yes sir, I'll get that to the kitchen right away!

*Turns around to go to kitchen*

*Stops*

*Double-check*


Sphinx statue? I don't think we---


*Has a second look. Eyes widen in alarm*


*Speaking in a very low voice all of a sudden* If I were you I'd slowly back away, and try to not wake her up, sir...

* Slowly backs away, trying not to wake it up.

* Whispers: what shall we do?

*Whispers, while still backing away* I'm not sure. I don't know how she got here... maybe *Suddenly, while backing away, bumps into a small table, sending plates, glasses, silverware and a flower vase to the floor*

>>>CRASH!!!<<<


...


Oh well, maybe she didn't---*Two glowing yellow cracks slowly widen as the Sphinx opens her eyes*


Oh dear.

* Backs away still further and suddenly bumps into the statue of the polar bear (which is, as I'm sure you recall, a statue, and nothing more).

* Observes in chilled horror as the glowing eyes open...

WHY HAVE YE WOKEN ME FROM MYNE SLUMBER?

* Trembles in fright. Shivers in petrification.

Timidly: Should I... should I raise the alarm?

*Sphinx gets up slowly and stretches, in a rather catlike manner actually*

NONE SHALL LEAVE.

Lady P! Do something! But don't leave, of course; I wouldn't advise that.

* Looks around for any implements to protect self. Finds none.

*Still lying on the floor, blinking in disbelief* D-d-do something? What can I possibly do?

*The Sphinx glares at her*


*Very small voice* Hi, um, listen, sorry about the, er, the noise and all... do you think, maybe, you could, um, let us go? We'll be quiet!


*Sphinx continues glaring, with what almost seems like scorn on her expressionless face*

NONE SHALL LEAVE!

I say, Sphinx, is there any particular reason for keeping us here?

* Cowers behind statue of polar bear, regretting the remark entirely.

*Sphinx gets up and walks to the door, lying across it to block the entrance. Or actually the exit. Or actually both. Never mind now.*

FOOLISH MAN! I AM A SPHINX. I... UM, WELL, IT'S MY JOB. THAT'S WHAT I DO. USED TO DO THE RIDDLE THING BUT GOT BORED OF IT.

* Slowly, carefully, takes a glass from a nearby table.

What do you want from us, Mighty Sphinx?

YE SHALL NOT KNOW WHAT YE NEED NOT KNOW, HUMAN! I HAVE MY OWN PLANS. MY OWN DEVICES. ALL SHALL BE REVEALED IN GOOD TIME.

*Lady Pennywhistle pokes her head from behind a table and eyes the Sphinx curiously. She actually doesn't seem all that dangerous... well, for a huge mythical winged half-lion half-woman with glowing yellow eyes, that is*

*Builds up courage. Or suicidal stupidity.*

You actually have no idea what you're going to do now, don't ya?