h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* Waits to see what Lady P's next move might be...

*Is also waiting, hardly believing what she had just done*

*Sphinx shrugs and remains expressionless, but somehow her glare seems less scornful and more uncomfortable*

AHERM. I, WELL, *COUGH* WELL YOU SEE, I...

Well?

HEY WAIT A MINUTE, I'M A HUGE MYTHICAL BEAST! I DON'T OWE YOU ANY EXPLANATIONS, HUMAN!!!

*Once courage/suicidal stupidity has kicked in it is rather hard to stop it*

Aha! I knew it! You have absolutely no idea what you're going to do with us!

AND WHAT OF IT? I SAID NONE SHALL LEAVE!!!!!

*But not all that hard*

*Small voice again* Okay then. *Faints*

* Rushes over to Lady P to see if she is all right.

Are you all right?

* Realises the smelling salts are in the kitchen, but the Sphinx won't let us leave.

* Waits to see what Lady P's next move might be...

*Lady P is still unconscious. As the sun sets, the restaurant is getting dark. Suddenly, the Sphinx stirs*

HUMAN! LISTEN TO ME, FOR I AM... WELL, ER, I AM GOING TO TAKE A BIT OF A NAP NOW. NO SNEAKING OUT ON ME WHILE I'M ASLEEP, ALRIGHT?

*Begins to close her eyes, then opens them again*

ACTUALLY, I BETTER MAKE SURE THAT NONE SHALL LEAVE!.

*mutters a few words that are obviously a magic spell since they cause all the doors around to slam shut*

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO ESCAPE, HUMANS. THE DOORS ARE LOCKED.

AND COOL SOUND EFFECTS, BY THE WAY.

*Closes her eyes*





...





*After a long while, Lady P wakes up*

Ow. What ha------oh yes, I fainted. Think I fell on a fork or something. *Feels back* Yup, definitely fell on a fork. Ow. And... have I lost my sight? *Holds hand before face and moves it about. Squints* Nope, just dark. Alright then.

So, um... anything interesting happened while I was passed out?

Interesting? Er, no; nothing especially interesting.

* Tries not to worry Lady P. Wonders if she remembers the whole Sphinx incident after such a long period of comatose. She obviously remembers fainting... Better err on the side of caution.

Well, why don't you sleep here whilst you're here? It will take such an effort to get to your room that you may faint again; so I would advise staying in the restaurant for the night.

And I'll just... er, have a nap over here - by table 42.

* Waits for Lady P to say 'what about the Sphinx?' indicating that she remembers.

Hm, it's not like we can leave here anyway... *Looks at the dark shadow of the Sphinx by the doorway and shudders*





...



I'm sorry.

* Dreams of floating Sphinxes...

<>

*Thinking* Can that really be? Could she have... followed me here? If she has, this is all my fault! Oh goodness, how could I be so stupid?


*Place: A warm deserty sort of place. Time: A couple of months ago. Lady P and a couple of her friends are walking around with a local guide, who leads them to the mouth of a cave.

Guide: And in this place, it is said, in this very cave, she lies in slumber to this very day! Many have tried their luck, but--

Friend 1: Yeah yeah, heard this story last time already, Curse of the Sphinx. Bo-ring!

Lady P: Oh come on, it's a nice story, let him go on.

Guide: No no, he's right. It's boring. Do you know how many times I've told it already? 'And if anyone is to disturb the Sphinx, she shall haunt them to the ends of the earth, yadda yadda yadda, until she is convinced to set them free'. Whatever.

Friend 2: I don't remember the bit about being set free... how does that happen?

Guide: Being set free from the Sphinx? Um... don't know. There was something about it in the Guides' Guide but I can't remember what. Who cares, though? What, are you going to disturb the Sphinx or something?

Lady P & friends: Oooooooh...

Friend 2: Alright, everybody in favour of disrupting the Sphinx *snigger snigger* raise your hand! *all hands raised* So, who's going in?

Lady P: I will.

Friend 3: No fair! You get to do all the fun stuff!

Friend 1: Come on, let her go in the cave, she's only here for a visit!

Friend 3: *sigh* Alright. Whatever. Like I care. Tell the Sphinx I said hi.

*Lady P goes in the cave. Time lapse*
*Lady P goes out of the cave*

Friend 2: Well, have you seen any sphinxes? *snigger snigger*

Lady P: Nope. Not a very big cave too. I would have come out faster but I dropped my torch into the chasm when I tried to look down over the railing.
Oh, and the Sphinx says hi back. *Everybody laughs*
*fadeout*


*Thinking* And now, she's here.




Oh well, better go to sleep. It's been a long day.



<>

*Some time later, Lady Pennywhistle decides to discover what the whole thing is about*

Erm, excuse me, Ms. Sphinx ma'am, but... um, well, I just wanted to ask, that is, I wondered how you got here, you see. Did you, um, did you maybe possibly perhaps follow me from that cave?

NO, I READ AN AD IN THE PAPER AND THOUGHT THIS'D BE A GOOD PLACE FOR A VACATION.

Oh, really? I thought---

NO, NOT REALLY. *Glare* DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT HURTS TO BE HIT ON THE HEAD WITH A TORCH FALLING FROM 837M?

Ah. Um, er, I'm really sorry about that, really I am... it was just an accident!

WELL, IT WASN'T THAT BAD ACTUALLY, I PUT IT TO GOOD USE - THIS WAY I DIDN'T HAVE TO HOLD THE BOOKS SO CLOSE TO MY FACE.

*Surprised* You read?

HEY, I'VE BEEN CURSE-BOUND TO THIS CAVE FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS, YOU GET BORED. I READ ANYTHING I CAN GET MY PAW ON. ANYWAY, IT WAS ALL VERY WELL, UNTIL THE BATTERIES RAN OUT.

The batteries ran out? That's why you came following me, for a couple of AA batteries?

YES.

But you can get those at every supermarket!

LISTEN, I TOLD YOU ALREADY, I WAS STUCK THERE FOR AGES! NOW IF YOU HAD A CHANCE TO GET OUT OF THERE AND HAUNT SOMEONE TO THE ENDS OF THE EARTH, WOULD YOU GIVE THAT UP JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN GET SOME MORE BATTERIES AT THE SUPERMARKET?

I see... anyway, what was the deal with locking us in and all that?

DIDN'T WANT TO GET OUT OF PRACTICE. I USED TO DO THIS ALL THE TIME, YOU KNOW, BACK IN THE OLD DAYS.

Oh, great. You scared the hell out of us, you know?

*Smug* THANK YOU, I TRY.

*sigh* You're welcome. There's some batteries in the kitchen, they're in the 'misc' drawer on the left side of the door.

RIGHT, YOU'RE FREE TO GO THEN. *sounding slightly disappointed* HAVE A GOOD LIFE.

*appears miraculously in the restaurant*
Sphinxy!
*Raises hand as if to give high 5 to sphinx.*
How ya doin? You must come into the labyrinth and meet up with the Minotaur and Hilary.
Are you two OK? I tried to get in yesterday but all the windows and doors were locked. What's happened?
*Smiles in overly friendly way at sphinx*
You're looking great for a woman/lion of your... er... maturity.

*Cold glare* DO I KNOW YOU, HUMAN? *Turns to Lady P* ANYWAY, THANKS FOR THE BATTERIES AGAIN. GUESS I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.

*Is about to leave, but then turns around and looks at Vestboy with interest*

WAIT, DID YOU SAY 'LABYRINTH'?

If I recall correctly, he said "You must come into the labyrinth and meet up with the Minotaur and Hilary."

Were you leaving?
No, that's not what I said!
*Holds hand over backlog*
I said if you are ever in this neck of the woods again drop us a line in advance and we'll prepare a suitable welcome!

Actually she wasn't really leaving, sir...

Mr. Vesty, this is Khenti, she was curse-bound to some cave for a really long time but I broke the curse by accidentally dropping a torch on her head. She's going to stick around for a while, I think. Khenti, this is Mr. Vestboy, he's a superhero.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

By the way Khenti, if you're going to have a look around you really should check out the labyrinth - I didn't even think about it, but you'll probably like it there!

Er, yeah, er, nice to meet you , I'm sure.
Are you sure about this Lady P?

Sure? No *shrug*. But I think she's alright. She hasn't actually done anything to us worse than scaring us a bit and keeping us here for the night.

Imprisonment with menaces. Sounds like the behaviour of most of my friends.

*Shrugs again* That's her job, sir... kinda anyway. That's what sphinxes are meant to do.

Sounds like fun.











Who can we invite to the restaurant

Maybe she can work as a doorman---I mean a door- ...as a bouncer.


*checks watch* Anyway, I better get back to the bar. I've missed a couple of shifts already.