h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*an arrow impales the pizza to the wall*

I don't much like these arrows. What should we do about them?

Well, we don't really have time to talk about interior decoration, do we? We have to go forward. I'm not sure why. Surely when we get out of this room, and see what's next, then the reason will become apparent. Or perhaps there will only be one possible alternative of action, which is just as well.

Who ordered pizza anyway?

I was napping, couldn't have been me.

Sorry, pizza delivery guy, but I think you've got the wrong address - this is A2301076, not A2395389. You must have taken the wrong exit when leaving the Magic Roundabout...

Really, these arrows are just as annoying as mosquitos - stop it! *looks around to see where the arrows are coming from*

It wasn't me. I didn't think we finished the last pizza yet.

/* plucks an arrow from the wall and tosses it back towards the apes */

YOU GUYS SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL WITH THESE! YOU CAN PUT SOMEONE'S EYE OUT!

I don't think *I* ordered it....or *DID* I?

But yeah, this is the wrong place.

Anyone think we should ask the pizza guys for a lift to further along in this complex? Transport doesn't seem too difficult for them.

* the little square Alien grimaces at the remains of the super-supreme pizza on the wall and turns to Affy *

That may be possible sir, let me do the calculation for you.

*takes out a small green square shaped device with an extra pair of antenna and warbles musically into it*

Ahhhh. We have a special this week - for a small surcharge we can delivery anywhere in known space sir. However I do have to deliver a replacement Super-Supreme to a premier class customer with some Rurrg and a side order of Wernish at A2395389.

a very popular combo at the moment sir if you don't mind the frrrk getting in your teeth

Where were you interested in travelling to ?

A2395389 sounds like a good destination to me. Can you take all of us? Not the lab technicians, just this group...

Oh, and with respect to the surcharge, what currencies will you accept?

Sounds good to me!

*Affy smiles and starts reaching for his credit and debit cards*


Time travel rule #7: always have savings accounts with a high yield interest rate that you open in the early 1950's if you want money to stop being an object in the far-flung future.


*Checks his cards*


Time travel rule #8: mind credit card expiration dates.


*Puts the cards back in his pocket*

* The small green once again lifts the small green square shaped device with an extra pair of antenna and this time trills into it and then reads out rule Z-00012-00356-08001 *

Zippy's Zippy Pizza Service prides itself on it's universal standards of customer service and we confirm that we can transport you to any current Zippy customer location. All it will take if for you to join our frequent feeder favourite fodder programme. The more you eat the further you go !

*hands out a series of small green squares made of an unknown material*

All you have to do is press hard enough to deposit a small amount of your DNA and you're away. These have already been keyed for A2395389.

Enjoy your Zippy travelling experience.

*presses his own green square and fades from view*

*squeezes her little green square extremely hard, just as more projectiles arrive to occupy the space from which she has faded*

to F1763510?thread=1436972

*Squeezes his green square but as he is transporting he is caught by an arrow in the left arm.*

*Vanishes! But to where?*

/* Looks suspiciously at his green square. */

I don't know about this. Give away my DNA? Smacks of Orwellian control-freakazoid...


OOK! OOK!


/* An ape, who has an arrow that was careless tossed back towards him sticking out of his left eye, leaps across the room striking d'E on the back of the head. Due to unfamiliar difficulties with depth perception the blow merely grazes d'E, but does cause him to drop his green square. */

/* Zeppo picks up the deliciously crunchy green square in his mouth. d'E quickly reaches for it just as Zeppo bites down (hard), causing Zeppo to bite d'E's hand along with the green square. In a swirl of DNA and pain, d'E and Zeppo vanish */
F1763510?thread=1436972

*Gives a panicky look to those still left here.*

Last one to leave, please turn out the lights!

*Presses greeen square and disappears.*

Am I last? Am I last? *looks around, unable to see much through the rain of arrows*

*turns out the lights just in case she is*

*presses green square and vanishes*

*Steps out of the washroom*

Sorry I took so long guys, guess I shouldn't have eaten so much chee...

Guys?



*An arrow embeds itself in the heart of the little man symbol on the washroom door. Gord raises his eyebrows, then hurriedly looks around and sees Apes with bows and arrows dodging desks and moving in his direction. He looks down and sees several sleeping companions. Thinking fast, he drags them into the washroom. He has some trouble with one companion when the cane he is holding won't go through the door sideways. He tries to pull the cane out of the clenched fist, but is unsuccessful, so with considerable difficulty, he twists the body so that the cane is vertical. He then returns to the feet to drag the body inside, but the cane flops sideways again and won't go through. An arrow is deflected by the cane and embeds itself in the ceiling. Gord turns the body onto its stomach, with the cane underneath. He then drags it into the washroom and and locks the door behind him. Noticing that the body is now face down in a foul-looking puddle, Gord turns him over.*

Sorry about that, Buddy.