h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pulls woollen blanket over Wowbagger while she starts preparations*

*puts on music - Bolero by Ravel - low volume*

*lights candles and scent lamp with apricot, dims lights*

*pulls the blanket down to Wowbaggers waist*

*takes just a bit of apricot oil in hands*

*starts stroking his back with her palms, large circular movements*

*strokes turning firmer, circles smaller*

Now, if you could please sit up?

*sweet smile*

You see, the only massage therapy I know is especially for people sitting at a desk or in front of a computer all day long, and it's been adapted for use in office - sitting up, clothes on...

*starts working on one of the biggest muscles in the body - Erector Spinae - keeps your spine erect*

*pressing into the muscle with the heel of her hand, next to spine, presses muscle out from spine and releases - repeats all the way down the spine, and back up again, and then changes to other side of spine*

*starts kneading muscles between neck and shoulder, with the heels of her hands, one hand on each side of neck*

I hope your wife is well?

*starts pressing her thumbs into muscle on both sides of that little bump most people have below the neck*

Is that too hard?

Wowbagger: grunt

OK, harder then... *pressing thumbs even deeper into muscle, using her elbows as lever*

*concentrates on shoulder muscle on one side of the neck, pushing with one hand and pulling with the other, thereby twisting the muscle and giving it a gentle stretch*

*repeats a couple of times, then changes to muscle on other side of neck*

Lean your head forwards, please... *steading it with palm of hand*

*starts stroking from root of neck and upwards, pressing thumb against one side of neck, and rest of fingers against other side of neck*

Try to relax and let your head drop, don't worry, I will hold it firmly...

Now, if you would please lie down again, on your back...

*pulls blanket over Wowbagger*

Now, before I start, you will find your clothes pressed and clean over there *points*

*Wowbagger feels a warmth spreading in his neck and shoulder muscles, blood circulating again, tension gone*

*Titania starts a gentle scalp massage, that grows firmer*

*after a while, Wowbagger starts feeling drowsy and utterly relaxed and soon he starts *

I knew it...

*tiptoes out of the room, carefully closing door behind her*

*opens the door slightly*

Wowbagger:

*closes door carefully*

Thank you SO much Titania, my lovely Elven Queen!

I hope that didn't cross the masseuse/client boundaries too much. It was meant with the best of intentions.

Boundaries? No, Mr Wowbagger, not this time, since I wasn't in the room - so I take it your appreciation was expressed telepathically only...

Understood.
Telepathinc masseuse yeah?
Handy skill that. (pardon the pun )

?
Oh, the massage was "real" alright, telepathy wouldn't work THAT well...
...but I left the room in posting no.147
...and just had a quick look through door in posting no.148
...so you were all alone when you woke up

*floating in, in her usual vague, elf-like manner, dressed in her masseuse uniform*

Any new customers!

You'er not planning on ignoring the old ones, I hope!

<BB<

Of course not, Mr Bluebottle!

Would you like your massage now or later, sir?

I don't mind - but you'll have to rescue me from Shazz first - she seems to be up to something at the moment which I'm not sure about...

<BB<

*puts a sign saying 'Do not disturb' on outside of door and then locks it, from inside*

How about that, sir?

*opens door and peeks out*

I thinks it's safe to leave now, Mr BB - or did you want a massage first?

Well, I did come here for a massage....

<BB<