h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*A large sphere of energy zooms out of the water, and towards the rabbits. Affy jumps out, mutters something that causes giant bat wings to grow on his back, and mutters some more. A slightly smaller large sphere of green magic appears in his hands, which he throws at the rabbits. They turn into newts and run away. Affy collapses onto the ground, and begins wondering what to do about the next three waves of rabbits that are descending*

Any ideas? I think I'm a tad drained for much more of this.

A newt fancier. Do you want to be the mayor of London then?

{Note to non UK researchers. The new elected Mayor of London is Mr Ken Livingstone, a well known newt fancier}

How about the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch?

(Well, I didn't know the rabbits would all turn into newts. Teh CLEESH spell will turn other animals into just about any kind of amphibian, including newts, frogs, toads, salamanders, etc.)

Well, the Holy Handgrenade might work, but would it take care of all of them? I mean, sure it worked for King Arthur, but he only had the one rabbit to worry about.

One, two, FIVE!!!!!

That's three, Sir.

Three!

*Alien throws the Holy Hand Grenade in the general direction of the advancing horde of lethal rabbits. There is a musical "Hallelujah" sound from somewhere as it flies through the air, then explodes in a mighty blast, taking out at least 25 of the evil rodents. Unfortunately, there are still plenty left to ruin everybody's day.*

Well, it sort of worked. I shall have to work on improving the correlation between the Instantaneous Combustion Generator and the mystic fields surrounding the HHG...

*Davius looks up from his scientific mumblings & notices the furry horde, still advancing.*

On second thought, perhaps I should turn my thoughts to the matter on hand...

*Resumes flight*

*E hurls carrot donuts at the rabbits in an attempt to gain some time whilst they're distracted by them*

Were the carrot doughnuts poisoned?

I certainly hope so . . . Hey! I've got an idea!

CLEESH!

*Turns into rabbit. Runs back, and talks to them. Runs towards comrades, and turns back*

Run faster. That cave we entered? Parts of that cavern are holy ground to them. Plus, we stole some of those heat jewels, and they don't like that. So, run!

*Runs, not even bothering to surrender his bag of heat crystals*

*Doesn't remember poisoning the donuts...but decides that it's time for something that might halt the rabbits...*

*E sprinkles something onto the donuts that will NEVER be found on the donuts at the donut stall (unless a cure for insomnia is needed ) then throws more carrot donuts to the rabbits... The rabbits, having survived eating the 1st volley start to eat the second & one by one they fall over and start snoring...*

Are there any left? I've got an idea...
I also have an idea for what do do with the sleepers.

Which one do we need right now?

What we need right now are ear-muffs......
...I'm afraid that the loud snoring will cause an...
.............AVERLANCHE!!!!

*Slows to a trot, looking over shoulder. Stops. Heaves a massive sigh.*

Well, that seems to have stopped them. But BB is right - the water that had stabilized the sand is evaporating quickly and the mountain is getting unstable again. What we really need is some fast-growing genetially-altered oak trees to be planted on the mountain to stabilize it with their roots. But where could we ever find such trees?

There is only one thing we can do - break the unwritten rule about not having the same identity in different threads and lead an expedition into the James Bond thread and bring back oak trees, and doughnuts, from "The Doughnuts Are Not Enough". Where is DD to lead such an expedition?

*A loud booming voice is heard*

Sorry that's just not allowed, tsk, breaking the rules!

BB: How about we give you a doughnut if you let us? Go on? Pleeeeeeeeeeassssssssssseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
VOICE: Okay then. On the condition that it's not an S30.
BB: Right, that's that problem solved. Now all we need is DD to lead us into Bond.

Voice; Perhaps you'd like to move it over to a new thread as well; I'm getting bored waiting for this one to load!

Okay, we may well be safer here:
http://www.h2g2.com/forumframe.cgi?forum=26840&thread=50863