h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

This latest thread is in honour of Aroma Cafe regular Ioreth, who leaves for Israel on 5th July, for a whole year. When other teenagers are lounging around the fast-food places and the video rentals, Ioreth with be hard at work on the kibbutz.

Since this is also an American National Holiday, customers are welcome to set off fireworks outside the front door. Sparklers are permitted indoors.

*puts up two kinds of crepe paper garlands -- one lot in pale blue and white, the other lot in red, white and blue*

Those wishing to celebrate Ioreth's send-off should please bring virtual presents. Size is no impediment!

All our customers are welcome over the next couple of days, to enjoy their regular orders and depart in peace, or join in the party.

IIEM, please make a punch consisting of ... *leans close to nozzle and whispers* ... and make sure it's kept topped up over the next 48 hours.

*goes over to saxophone sitting on cloth-covered table, carries it back to punch bowl and shakes bell vigorously*
*blue twinkly dust drifts out of horn, falls into punch, and dissolves*

OK. It's official. Happy send-off party, Ioreth!

*enters, twirling a sparkler, towing her mound of building material in a small red wagon*

loreth here are some oranges for a farwell present, types a man whose throat is now OK but who is using a copious amount of tissues

Sips green tea made using sparkling NZ water

*smacks head*

Ooh. Almost forgot.

*rummages through knapsack, withdrawing a sparkly, holographic-wrapped package*

Shall have to wait 'til you get here to open it, though, you will...

Have fun in Israel. Oh, could you bring me back a rock from the site of the famous miracle Jesus performed, the Drawing of the Inside Straight?



Seeya!

Happy going-away party Ioreth!

*gets some punch, sips* Wow! Good stuff, Lil!

*cleaning bot bursts out of broom closet in hot pursuit of the colonel*

I though Affi had Ampton tune that bot down. Well, *cowering as a muffled thrump issues from direction of men's room* that'll roto-root the system.

*puts punch in first-to-the-forum cup for Odradek* I do think you should put the torch up for good before you drink this, Odra.

Looney, did you get your bottle back?

I just need to nip out and remind the guest of honour... heads out front door in direction of messenger service*
*jingle jingle*

Bon voyage, Ioreth! Here's a five pound hunk of gold, a huge ruby once worn by the Queen of the Ninth Dimension, a tin whistle and all the lint in my pocket. Did anyone else hear a whoosh! somewhere? *helps self to well dusted punch*

Lil said: Looney, did you get your bottle back?

*puts bottle back in front*

Sips punch with green tea chaser, observes unusual behaviour of the hairs on his arm....

Bon voyage, Ioreth! Here's a five pound hunk of gold, a huge ruby once worn by the Queen of the Ninth Dimension, a tin whistle and all the lint in my pocket. Did anyone else hear a whoosh! somewhere? *helps self to well dusted punch*

*sips punch*
Looney, don't look now but ox is on both sides of you.

*cleaning bot returns empty-handed and suddenly begins to clean floor around punch bowl and saxophone*

Uh, oh-I'm seeing double again.

Hmmm, I wonder if the way my delayed post managed to sneak in between ox's double post has anything to do with the magical powers of the punch?

Turns on TV and settles down on the red velvet couch to watch his favourite Monday afternoon shows.

"The Chelsea Garden Show", "Steptoe and Son" and today as a real treat for the cafe regulars we debut "The Complainers" featuring New Zealand's wackiest whingers and whiners. Characters interviewed today include a Napier feminist student who is becoming the bane of the advertising industry and a Taranaki nudist who objects to television channels pixilating penises.

*clangs, thumping noises, clattering, and the occasional muttered oath continue to eminate from the general vicinity of Odradek and her metalworks*

Well, I thought it was men's decision to make sure that all penises be pixellated. On TV. *gulps punch* On the grounds that male viewers would be constantly making comparisons and might be driven to depression, or at best might become distracted from the subject of the program on which the pixellated penises were, uh, aired.

* the cleaning bot has wandered over to Odra's little red wagon and appears to be looking at the contents, whilst humming*

Hi, Odra. What is this latest creation going to be when it's up and running? *places punch cup carefully on table*

*notices bot*

Oh, hello. Hold this, will you?

*thrusts bicycle pump toward bot, who obeys, clutching it as Diogenes joins it in watching the proceedings*

Does that mean, gasp, size matters?

*Gulps punch, sells speedos*

What's that, ox? Oh, this. This doesn't have a name yet, but it's going to be very useful.

*brandishes object which looks like a cross between a turkey-baster and a dueling pistol -- with a touch of inspiration from a semi-automatic assault rifle thrown in for good measure. Additionally, it has an inexplicable round metal tube-shape on the barrel*

Like it?

*cleaning bot examines bicycle pump, backs off and heads for broom closet*

*Lil washes the emptied fftf cup and puts it back on shelf*

Well, I feel ...
...like another cup of punch.