h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Irv, I think you should look at the IIEM language filter; it may need changing.

*IIEM creates a somewhat suspect beverage*

[IIEM]: Here go, Irv.

*Irv arches his eyebrow*

I see what you mean, Lil. IIEM, power down for a second, I need to check your settings.

[IIEM]: Cannot I do that, Irv.

[Yar] Uh. [pokes it] Now what do we do?

[Mog] I don't know, everything I can think of involves high-powered implements of destruction!

*goes behind the counter and rummages in a cabinet* We had some language filters in a box here somewhere that summer when I worked here. There were plain ascii ones, which is all I used, and then a box of... here.

Oh, these are the fancy ones. *opens box and holds up a succession of honeycombed paper filters. Each has a different color band around the edge with some ornate printing in gold* This one says Shakespeare, this one says Melville, this one is Martin Heidegger, here's a Phillip K. Dick... see, all kinds. *hands the box to Irv*

Whatever you do, let's not try the Heidegger. I suspect that would make a very heavy cup of coffee.

[Yar] Ah, Heidegger, I read some o' his stuff in my existentialism class last semester ... *checks smileys* ... smeg, no "philosophy" smiley ... I suppose comes close ... or maybe ...

[Yar suddenly jumps up and almost spills his drink]

[Yar] Wait a minute! How come there's a smiley, but no !?

Considering how long sentences Heidegger could build up, I think that would get very cold before IIEM agrees to give it out.

[Yar freezes in his infuriated pose, eyes shifting back and forth for a moment, then he turns to Hati and bows]

[Yar] Thou makest a pretty awesome point there, Hati. *yawns* Man ... I just stayed up until 3:30 AM reading one of the old adventure-threads with Affy, where we were up against that Anti-Affy dude ... had me in stitches, part of it ... too bad we never finished that one ... though I can understand, I'd never be able to sustain the energy to /run/ one of those things ... [falls over and kerflops]

*sticks a cushion under Yar's head*

IIEM, a blue java, please.

*bounces around the room for a moment, then settles down*

Wow! That's some caffeine. Don't think I'll have that again, though. A bit...much.

IIEM, could I get something a touch *less* caffeinated? Iced tea, maybe?

*inspects MR*

What exactly were you drinking?

Offhand, Yar, I can't think of any adventures that have ever ended, except maybe the mystery at Lord Reflection's mansion or the Marie Celeste, or the Mother of All Gooses. Those were all moderated in one way or another, now that I think about it.

All the others seem to have just, well, stopped happening.

I'm pretty sure I ran the Lord Reflection thing, and I can't remember for the life of me how it ended...

IIEM, you're scaring me. Just power down for a while, so that I can make sure you're operating correctly, Ok?

[IIEM]: *hums menacingly for a moment, then appears to shut off*

Okay, now let me see those filters again, Lil.

*Starts rummaging through*

Hmmm... Shakespear, Byron, what the... Chekov? Why would we even have that? Heilen doesn't sound like a great idea, either. LiveJournal??? No, no, no! Ah, here we are, these are better... What do you think, guys? Should I use the Roddenberry, Rowling, or Adams filter?

[Yar] *bolting upright* Adams!

Was that a vote for Charles or Douglas Adams?

[Yar jerks around to face Irving and points]

[Yar] *Strong Bad imitation* Douglas!

Okay, well, since I'm in agreement, we'll just open up the IIEM and... what's this?

*As Irv opens the IIEM's casing, he notices something*

Someone's replaced the original Hitchhiker brand Babel Fish that powers the language filter with a cheap knock off. Looks like, yep, there's the Alta Vista logo... That explains a lot....

Now who's been making repairs on the cheap?

*Hangs sign up that reads: "IIEM out of service 'til further notice. Please use IIFP" The sign points to the Infinite Improbability French Press*

IIEF, can I have a much needed post-dinner , please?

*watches as IIEF goes through cycles of steam and filters and pressing*

Well, I put in a service request with CLI to have them come look at the IIEM. Hopefully we'll have that back up to speed in no time.

Looks like the IIEF has been doing well so far. How's that taste, SV?

[Yar] Hmm. Since this is an Improbability Generator ... what're the odds of getting a soda?

*Fizz begins bubbling from the bottom of the IIEF, which eventually becomes a spray of soda high into the air, comes down, and lands in a glass, perfectly chilled, and (miraculously) doesn't go flat*